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Original poster

WWYD if your partner was accused of sexual abuse?

214 replies

MotherPie · 28/12/2015 00:41

Long term lurker but joined for advice.
A teenager in my family has accused my partner of being inappropriate.

Will try not to ramble. OH and I live separately. Over Christmas we had a few family members round his and teenager and I nodded off on sofa. Apparently he grabbed her hand and kissed it, and stroked his face with it. And tickled her back and went to move up her top.

She is early teens so it is a huge deal. I am so confused and feel like I'm going mad. My first reaction was 'no way'. But I don't want to label her a Liar. In the long term accusing her would be worse than accusing him, of that makes sense? She's my family and a child.

Teen didn't want to involve anyone and her parents don't know what to believe as she has lied frequently. They were going to but the story has changed slightly a few times and they want to think first.

What now? What would you do? We have a son, so this is all life changing. I am so gutted and confused. I have always trusted my OH 100% to never cheat, let alone this. He has denied it and been phoning me and her parents saying he is angry at being accused.

No matter what we can never be together again now. it will always be one persons word against another. Always a bit of doubt in people's minds.

WWYD? Would you involve authorities, what about contact with our child?

OP posts:
FlatOnTheHill · 28/12/2015 01:22

You say she has form for lying and have given some examples.
Has she get mental health issues?
Thing is, if you get police involved right this moment because you have a child social services will be on your back.
I think you need to somehow get the truth out of this girl before anything else is undertaken. That is your first step. What a terrible situation

Notrevealingmyidentity · 28/12/2015 01:22

Well I didn't say that exactly. Just that I would fine it odd. The word nice or lovely might be used but I don't know about pretty.

Maryz · 28/12/2015 01:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohtheholidays · 28/12/2015 01:17

OP usually when a child accuses someone of doing something that they haven't done it's normally because there is something else going on with/for that child.It could be a mental health problem,that's actually one of the most common reasons this happens amongst teens.

I think it would be a great shame for your son your partner and yourself if you ended your relationship and your partner was indeed innocent.

Just like the other posters I can't say if your partner did or didn't do anything but I would probably air on the side of caution being as the young girl has told lies about people before and situations added with the fact that you said she's changed some of the details of what happened.

Do you know what it is that she's said that's different from what she said the first time?

Notrevealingmyidentity · 28/12/2015 01:15

I would find being told I was pretty by my uncle very odd tbh.

This is very difficult. I have to say I think the police need to be involved as they have the experience and expertise to deal with it which, in the nicest possible way, your family do not.

Original poster
MotherPie · 28/12/2015 01:11

Nothing was done about her uncle as her mum was there and said there was nothing odd about it and she was overreacting.

My mind is blown. If she wasn't a close family member and hadn't been insistent I wouldn't give this a second thought.

OP posts:
Original poster
MotherPie · 28/12/2015 01:05

The reason we couldn't be together if I am very closely related to 'teen' and I'm not sure how it could all work. Didn't say that as I'm worried about outing myself.

I have told her parents I think we should involve the police. We aren't sure how they would go about proving anything either way. What evidence will her top or hands give? As those are the areas he is meant to have touched. My OH is livid at the situation, and annoyed I haven't instantly sided with him.

As I said I have always trusted him but there is loyalty to my family member and a bit of 'what if?'.

I was in a deep sleep as I've started taking trazadone and it knocks me out. But her head was resting on my legs and I did wake several times because of that. And she says she didn't sleep and was sat in the bathroom for hours.

OP posts:
LucyBabs · 28/12/2015 01:05

Unfortunately women and young girls are subjected to unwanted attention and "pervvy" advances throughout our lives. What ever came of the girl saying she felt what her uncle was doing was odd?
Did her parents ever do anything about it?

It's so tough op and it must feel so awful you're in this situation.

Personally if it were me I would involve the police. As a PP said they are trained and know the right questions to ask. If the girl is lying she may back down when the police are involved.

I would have to know if my oh had done anything wrong. I would always question if the girl was telling the truth or not.

Best of luck Flowers

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2015 00:53

I don't know what the answer is but I'm a bit concerned about this...

No matter what we can never be together again now. it will always be one persons word against another. Always a bit of doubt in people's minds.

Really? So someone accuses him of something and that's it? You can never be together, even if he's proven innocent because of doubt in people's minds?

Original poster
MotherPie · 28/12/2015 00:53

Ones that aren't as serious, yes. She has accused other men or being 'pervy'. One example is an uncle gave her a hug and said she was pretty, and that made her think he was odd. She has also lied to school about being a carer for her mum, and more about her home life.

But because of how serious this is I can't just ignore it, can I? Just no idea what to believe or do.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 28/12/2015 00:52

If the police were involved, they have the knowledge and skill to get to the bottom of this.

She has 'form' for lying, but maybe not this time.

Or she is a fantasist who could ruin your lives.

Let the experts deal with it so you know one way or another.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 28/12/2015 00:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

manicinsomniac · 28/12/2015 00:47

What a horrible, horrible situation. So sorry you are having to deal with this.

I honestly have no idea what I would do but didn't want to read and run.

I've never been in a successful relationship so I could be way off beam here but I think, ultimately, if I had been with a person for a long time and felt I knew and trusted them completely then I would continue to trust them and assume that they had been falsely accused.

But the, depending on how close the family member who has done the accusing is, I also wouldn't want to not trust them.

What a mess.

Faye12345 · 28/12/2015 00:44

She has a history of lying ie she has made similar allegations previously?