WWYD if your partner was accused of sexual abuse?

I think perhaps Camnd need to chat to her - give them the versions she's told you and then see what she tells Camhs.

I hate to say it but her MH issues combined with her comments re men may be because in the past someone has done something inappropriate and she's projecting all men's actions onto this.

But without any clear evidence, and what seems evidence to the contrary I wouldn't automatically assume your OH is guilty. In law he's innocent until proven otherwise.

That's not what that direct quote says Wandering or OP would have had some kind of break in the sentence when it changed from his narrative to hers.

^I am with you on this. However, this girl is very troubled and has form for lying. She has changed the story (quite majorly) and her own parents are even very dubious. I do think this needs the police though to attempt to get to the bottom of it.

Of course her partner is devastated that she is doubtful. Imagine if you were put in that position tomorrow; you would be distraught if your OH had even a 1% doubt. Of course even if investigations proof that nothing happened that feeling of doubt will always be an issue for the other half.

OP I would be telling the parents that the police need to be called. The poor girl seems to have serious issues and in order to safeguard everyone they should be dealing with it.

Unfortunatley your OH is going to have to recognise that given a) your history and b) the teen's mental health, the priority here is to act on what she is saying, and not ignore it, and to involve the police.
No that's not the same as "not believing" him, it's protecting a vulnerable young person.
Things may never be the same again, but that's not your fault OP.

Crumbly --- the op was saying he said it to phone the police but she feels it will never be the same as she has doubted him. Which I can understand.

That's how I have read it any way.

Op. No advice but it must be a very horrible situation x

He has said fine to call the police but that things will never be the same same now I have doubted him.

Well then he's not saying fine call the police is he? He's trying to manipulate you out of it with the threat of "things will never be the same". As someone with MH problems who had a family friend attempted to groom me in this manner I'm really shocked that once you have MH problems you are the boy who cried wolf. My family had my back completely and stopped things from becoming much worse. I would 100% be behind the teenager and I would have been straight on the phone to the police.

If one of my children made the allegation I would assume guilty until proven innocent.

I think that given she is not an immediate family member and I might get ripped to shreds here, but regardless of whether I believed it or not, I would ask partner to leave the family home and not allow unsupervised contact with DC until investigations are over.

It's a toughie but you're going to have to hold tight until police have investigated.

Veda that's a good point. When I was very ill a few years ago both my teenage DCs told their schools that they were my carers. I didn't immediately think they were lying, just telling it from their perspective - and it made me stop and think about the impact my illness was having on them.

This is a dreadful situation, and one that everyone concerned with is taking very seriously.

I agree with Jessbow, that you have divided loyalties: it is for the girl's parents or your OH, as the accused, to make the decision about referring it to the police, not you.

Going purely on the information you have presented here, and some professional involvement in child protection cases, I would be inclined to believe your OH, and have grave concerns about the teenager's allegations.

She is clearly troubled, sexually aware, and attention -seeking. She is receiving help and her needs are recognised, if not fully addressed; is it possible to contact her therapist or someone connected with CAMHS who has knowledge of her to discuss how to deal with the situation? I would imagine if this is referred to the police they would contact them immediately.

Once this case is reported to the police your OH will be presumed guilty until proved innocent, (contrary to British law); the onus now is to believe the child making the allegations, not the defendant. This will blow your whole family apart. OH needs to seek legal advice as quickly as possible, for his own protection, whatever the girl's family decide to do.

I think you are very brave in the way you are facing up to this situation, but I hope you seek as much professional advice as you can before taking any action involving the police.

You said she lied to her school about being her mums cater, but If her mum is housebound it is possible she sees herself as her carer.

If you're worried about the implications of calling the police, then surely a middle of the road approach would be to contact calms and try to get her counsellor's input. They may well recommend contacting the police or they may want to spel to her themselves in the first instance, and as a qualified counsellor surely would know the right kind of questions to ask without leading iyswim

What an horrific situation for you, a relative of mine was accused of having indecent images on his computer, everyone was horrified and believed he was innocent - my gut feeling told me he was guilty and I've stuck by this to this day, it has torn the family apart, be prepared for a rocky road ahead and don't make any hasty decisions

You, as the partner of the accused, need to take a step back. You are stuck right in the middle of this, so cannot be objective for either of them really- Divided loyalty in its most obvious form.

You can really only act on what YOU feel right now. You have to really think out what you believe, without 'what happened to me' clouding it.

Let her parents take the lead in 'what to do now'. If it was me, I wouldnt want you near me ( don't take that the wrong way) because you associate with the perpertrator of this allegation, and it will be interesting to see how she would react to that. Possibly up the anti if it Is fabrication.

If you believe your partner, please support him.

Why did she need babysitting if her mum is "housebound"

I'd tell the police. Stop asking her. Stop listening to him. A one time liar doesn't make an all time liar. If you believe the wrong person you are setting them up for a whole lifetime of trouble.

Thanks for sounding so suspicious and judgemental though. OP, don't listen to the judgements. This is hard enough without people passing those kinds of comments.

It needs reporting. It's as simple as that.

She may be telling the truth and so needs reporting.

She may be suffering abuse elsewhere and it needs reporting.

Her mental health issues may be worse than everyone thinks and she needs support so it needs reporting.

If she is making this up there is a reason and it needs tackling. What if she does it to a teacher? And you all have let this slide? Imagine how traumatic that would be for her? Obviously it would be awful for the teacher.

But the effect in a young girl with mental health problems, being dragged through the courts would be horrendous.

What if she is telling the truth? You need to know.

Whatever the situation is, she needs help and support.

Although to be honest if it comes out she is lying, I think you will need to reduce contact to protect your dp. I am not sure you can be the one to support her. You can show support but you can't have her in the house etc.

She could be getting groomed and abused on line. With skype/facetime etc she could be being persuaded to expose herself, it may also explain why she made the "fingers" comment. There is certainly something going on here.

If OP goes to the police, would the fact that he has been investigated come up on a DBS check?

If she's a young teenage girl, known to be vulnerable and under CAHMS, makes inappropriate sexual comments for her age, has made allegations before and is supposedly a "liar", why has your unrelated male partner babysat her alone all this time?

Something doesn't add up.

Could be someone at school, or in a position of trust?

A very prominent local minister (who was chaplain at my secondary school and some local primaries) was grooming teens at choir practice/in church/at youth groups/in school in my home town, passing them on to a local paedophile ring (including teachers, lecturers etc).

Didn't come out til one of the victims refused to let him perform her wedding service years years after she had been abused, although it was still going on with younger children.

Doesn't have to be at night either I suppose.

Well done for doing the right thing OP.

That is because questions from those who are unexperienced can be leading & cause the child to change details.

It is actually not recommended for anyone other then professionals to keep questioning a child who has made such an allegation. That is because questions from those who are experienced can be leading m& cause the child to change details.

Police op.