WWYD if your partner was accused of sexual abuse?

I am not saying that this shouldn't be reported BTW. I am simply responding to the posters who say

The police will sort it out quickly and easily and declare him innocent if he is

If he's innocent he has nothing to fear, there will be no consequences

She must be telling the truth because I was

And those who have implied that the welfare of the OP and her child don't matter .

I'd also like to point out that the consequences for the teenager could be very serious. If she is removed from her family , she will almost certainly go into a residential unit . This is unlikely to be a positive experience for her - anything She doesn't yet know about sex, drugs, violence and abuse, she will soon learn in a unit .

The OP is the partner of the man accused and they have a child together.

If that were me, my first concern would be for MY child and My partner . It doesn't mean she doesn't care for the teenager, who is a close relative .

If I were accused of stealing money from work, I would expect my husband and children to stand by me. To give me the benefit of the doubt . I'd want the courts to see me as innocent until proven guilty . Wouldn't you feel the same ?

Or would you expect your husband to throw you out of your house and stop all access to joint funds , in case you stole them ?

I think the consistency of her account is a red herring - recollections of any traumatic event (even something like a minor car crash) can be jumbled and confused.

Yes dip its important that our legal system maintains 'innocent until proven guilty'. Friends and family of the accuser, responsible for her safeguarding and welfare, do not need to heed that.

Its very usual for accounts of rape and sexual abuse to be confused. Of my own rape i can remember minute details about what i was wearing etc, but gaping holes in what was being done to me etc

But on top of that, the details do sound believable. It doesn't sound like a teen fantasy

But, shortcut, how can that be the case when she's given two very different accounts of what is supposed to have happened? The same question applies to those who say the accuser should be believed - which version of what she says should be believed?

The presumption of innocence is central to our justice system and indeed is essential to a fair system. Reversing the burden of proof in abuse cases would be incredibly dangerous.

OP, i really think you should see a lawyer specialising in child abuse cases before taking any decisions about going to the police.

My gut instinct says believe the child, not believing her will do far more damage to her if she is telling the truth

how can she be telling the truth?

What she is accusing him of is not any action that would have woken you

she changed her story and said she the DP got into bed with her, the first thing wrong with that is she wasn't in bed as she was on sofa with the OP and OP would have known if that happened because she said she kept waking because the teen had her head on her lap. she also told OP she was sitting in the toilet for hours and obviously she wasn't.

cleaty

If you are accused of a crime, would you then prefer for the assumption of guilt to be automatic, with all the legal, social and financial implications thereof? That would get rid of the need for any of those inconvenient things like 'evidence' or 'testimony'. You could probably do without a 'trial' as well.

" Innocent until proven guilty " happens to be how all the UK and Irish criminal courts work , whether you like it or not .

I understand this might be upsetting when you are the victim of a crime. But if you were accused of a crime, you would think it was a good thing, I expect .

My gut instinct says believe the child, not believing her will do far more damage to her if she is telling the truth. What she is accusing him of is not any action that would have woken you. I also think a PP is right, let the police deal with it they will get to the bottom of it. I don't think things like this can just be decided by wether she has lied before or not.

Yeah that's what always gets me about that phrase too cleaty (speaking as someone who was abused by a teacher but not believed at the time, only later).

Innocent till proven guilty really means you are saying the child is a liar until proven to be telling the truth.

I dont know about the situation with your OH but from what you have described about her she has most likely been abused before, tell tell signs of her behavior,

Im another one that feels sick.

sponge I was one of the ones who suggested she had the opportunity to speak to her therapist first. Because if she is making it up/being abused by someone else I believe the therapist is the most likely unbiased person she to get the truth out of her....rather than the police -who if she is making it up maybe make her feel like she is backed into a corner.
And even if she goes to the police I think she should have the support of her therapist.
Would you as the therapist stop everything - right before you say anything else just let me inform the authorities?
Or would you finish the session and therefore give her the opportunity to discuss how she felt and if she has made it up and admit it to you and say why etc?
If she did retract the claim in a session would you still inform the police?
Although I do think SS need to know either way.
It is as much about protecting her if she has made it up as protecting her 'abuser' - and if she is being abused elsewhere and this is an untrue accusation against the OPs OH it could effect how the police deal with her in the future.

making me sick too

my choice will always be to beleive the woman.

A defence lawyer would pull this apart if it ever made it to court. She can't even seem to make up her mind where it happened, let alone what happened. Her parents aren't convinced and a jury won't be either (if it ever gets that far).

sponge, yes that happened to me. I disclosed to my teacher as I completely broke down in school a couple of months later (as pp said, I couldn't speak about it straight away and I didn't want to at all but I was a wreck in school and breaking down all over the place, it was quite obvious something was hugely wrong) and she tole me they were going to get SS advice, who then informed the police. I didn't want any of that to happen but because I told someone in a position of authority, they had to pass it on.

This story is heart-wrenching. I am trying to imagine that my 13-year-old cousin accused my DH of sexual abuse, and I have no bloody idea what I would do or how I would react. I trust my DH 100%, he is a man who I could never imagine doing anything inappropriate. If a member of my family I also love and trust accused him of abuse it would be an absolute nightmare. Who to believe? Who to support? How to behave? OP, I have no advice or you, but you have my best wishes and my whole-heartedly desire that someone comes clean in that situation, to prevent any further hurt.

I'm a CPN ( not with CAMHS) , if a client disclosed anything of this nature to me , I would have no choice but to report the incident to safeguarding and social services , which would lead to a police investigation. Posters suggesting that this young girl discusses what has happened with her therapist & that it can be dealt with 'inhouse' are wrong as any professional would be duty bound to report to the relevant authorities. This is the reality of the situation.

Similar situation in our family but person teen accused wasn't a family member. This teen was believed and teacher was investigated. Then it was a family friend she accused and that was investigated and found untrue. In the end she was diagnosed with schizophrenia after three years.

This needs to be followed up. Her parents need to go to her social worker. She needs help reguardless if its true or not.

Yourself I would encourage u to go with dp to the police and to contact social services.

If this accusation is untrue she's a danger to be around any male and school need to be aware so she is never alone with an adult.