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Original poster

Constant References to Sex

67 replies

CrossEyes · 06/07/2011 19:19

I just want to know if this is NORMAL male behaviour. I'll give a few scenarios.

  1. We're sat on a pub bench, looking out onto the river at a rescue team searching for a body (romantic eh!). We each have a lager in hand and it's only 12pm lunch time. I say something about how I'd always wanted to work for the police and DP looks at my chest, does a cheesy eye-brow raise and makes "umm!" noises. I ignore him and ask if him if he'd ever fancied police as a career - he says "no. Ummm I like it when you wear low cut tops! I can see your boobies". Hmm I continue to ignore so he starts making references to how we should go home and get the massage oil out. I just want to chill in the sun like everyone else.
  1. He texts me from work saying he's having a crap day. I text back saying "poor you x" and he texts back saying "I need you naked in bed next to me".
  1. We once had sex in a forest. Yesterday we're trying to think of somewhere to go and he does the eyebrow raise and says "D* Forest??" I suggest other places and he reacts by saying "I want to take you into those woods again, like last time" etc etc. FFS I want suggests on how to spend our day off.

Its CONSTANT. ALL the time. YES I have spoken to him about it, he says I'm being a nun or I'm "in a mood". He doesn't realise that the constant references to my body/sex makes me NOT want to have sex. At worst - it makes me wonder if that's all he wants me for!!!

So is it normal for men to bring sex into even the most innocent of conversations and to go on and on about it as if they have nothing else to talk about?

OP posts:
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Catsmere · 04/05/2023 10:10

Dump him, OP, he’s a disgusting sex pest.

KimberleyClark · 03/05/2023 16:23

No it’s not normal, it’s gross

NotDadsnet · 03/05/2023 16:21

Lol! Deleted the original post. And this is why people never learn. They live in their little echo chambers and don’t listen and learn. Just slap a “misogyny label” on it, plug their ears and continue down a misguided path. Good luck! 🙌

BertieBotts · 03/05/2023 15:28

Errrrrr maybe the "nonsense, whinging, lecturing" and the only thing that could possibly be worth staying with a woman for is sex because a personality doesn't cut it.

What a catch Confused

OP if you're still on MN I hope you LTB!

NotDadsnet · 03/05/2023 15:22

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takealettermsjones · 03/05/2023 15:07

This reply has been deleted

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Who said anything about how I feel?

(And no, that's not how it works. I can call out insults even when they're not directed at me. I can also spot a misogynist a mile off.)

NotDadsnet · 03/05/2023 15:01

This reply has been deleted

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takealettermsjones · 03/05/2023 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Do you feel better now? You know rather than searching 12 year old Mumsnet posts just to insult women, there are plenty of subreddits you can join.

CelerEtAudax · 03/05/2023 14:34

Mitchumforthewin · 03/05/2023 14:20

Zombie thread! 2011

Well spotted!

CelerEtAudax · 03/05/2023 14:33

Constantly thinking like this is pretty normal for men (speaking as one myself). Saying it out loud borders on insanity. YANBU.

Mitchumforthewin · 03/05/2023 14:20

Zombie thread! 2011

NotDadsnet · 03/05/2023 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SaulSobieski · 03/05/2023 11:56

He also sounds sexually coercive.

SaulSobieski · 03/05/2023 11:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Yes, black and white is where it's at. There's no such thing as middle ground or grey or appropriate behaviour.

🙄

SaulSobieski · 03/05/2023 11:54

He's a sleazy, always "on", one dimensional sex pest.

NotDadsnet · 03/05/2023 11:50

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TottWriter · 07/07/2011 08:26

How are you feeling today, CrossEyes - based on your last post it seems like you are seriously considering leaving your partner. Do you have family or friends nearby who can support you?

BimboNo5 · 07/07/2011 08:05

He sounds like a total nob. Its nice to feel sexually wanted and attractive by your OH but to constantly harp on about sex and pester about it is a total turn off.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/07/2011 08:00

It would really get on my tits if DH was like that.
OP, your DP seems to have no boundaries. How old are you both? He sounds as if he is around 12 and recently found out that he can ejaculate.
Bin him, he doesn't respect you.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/07/2011 07:43

Ew

Really, ew

I mean, DH or I will make the occasional lecherous comment or double entendre to one another at otherwise innocent moments, or compliment an outfit/lack of an outfit, but

a) It's occasional!
and b) if either of us said oi, gerroff, I'm trying to have a nice conversation here, the other one would be mortified and apologise and not make a comment like that again until the first one initiated.

Insulting you when you complain, trying again and again in the hopes that you'll give in, telling you to 'just lie there', trying it on when you're both drunk and explicitly saying no - that's the behaviour of a man who thinks that he's entitled to sex and is willing to use coercion to get it. And hey, do you know what the legal term for 'sex obtained by coercion' is? Go on, guess.

TheFarSideOfFuck · 07/07/2011 07:32

I do hope you are going to dump this ignorant twat, OP

Lorenz · 07/07/2011 07:12

Hate men like this, it's like living with a hormonal 15 year old boy. Withdraw sex for a while and see if he loses interest in you completely.

porpoisefull · 06/07/2011 20:41

Aargh elegangle, that's so grim "just lie there" like some blow-up doll.

I've read quite a few threads like this on MN - DPs who think their partners must be sexual available on demand, grope them whenever they feel like and then to top it all off insist that this behaviour is 'normal' and 'flattering' and that it's their partner who's at fault for failing to enjoy being treated like a sex toy rather than a person.

CrossEyes, once you've left him, I'd show him this thread!

elegangle · 06/07/2011 20:19

This is very similar to me and my DH. It has at times been very difficult and resulted in him having sexual counselling where he eventually agreed and realised that his constant comments/remarks to even the most mundane of conversations resulted in my loss of sex drive. Somedays it can completely do my head in but he his trying so hard to tone it down. I have also had comments along the lines of 'lie back and think of england' and 'you don't have to do anything, just lie there'. However, he has never forced me and I have learned to accept a certain amount of comments, I just brush them off and make a completley ridiculous (non sexual) remark back. Actually I found that when he made no remarks at all for a whole week I missed (some of) them.
I expect that some will say that he doesn't respect me or that I should leave him but he absolutely loves me and I love him back.
I feel for you OP, you shoudn't have to put up with this as it is obviously affecting your enjoyment of sex. However, if you love each other and want to stay together there may be light at the end of the tunnel but he has to start realising that he has a problem.

lachesis · 06/07/2011 20:15

What's the solution? Leave a person like this. It's abusive behaviour.

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