How not to get a job

In the days before spell checkers (which wouldn't really help in this case), DDad used to filter out any applications which told him that the applicant had a "driving license" or "driving licence", depending which country he was in (he worked across the world). He was a contract solicitor in the oil industry, and considered attention to SPAG to be essential to the role.

Don't address me as Mr Ibiza.
Use Dr Ibiza as it says in the application information. Or Mrs at a stretch, but don't assume I'm a man just because I work in a technical role in construction.

Spell my surname right too - it's in the application details. Yes it's quite an unusual name, and yes it is an unnecessarily long, vowel heavy spelling of it, but it's just 6 letters you need to copy from the application details.

Turn up to interviews on time - and let me know if you are going to be late. Train delays, road accidents etc all happen. Oversleeping etc can be avoided, and I'd like to go home today please. Preferably in time to pick up my children without calling in favours at short notice.

And it's best to try and answer some questions, but not to tell me to F Off.

Have just come across these - wonderful.

I've left my degree off when I've gone for jobs. Apparantly my local council think you are over qualified if you have a degree and you go for a cleaning/library assistant/dinnerlady/cook whatever I've learnt this from bitter experience.

Also didn't tell them at asda that I've got an english lit degree until 2 years after I got the job. I didn'twant people looking down thier noses at me and calling me a snob.

I once interviewed a young man who failed to answer a single one of the open questions! The 'tell me about a time when you lead a team...' type. Also, he mumbled the whole way through, and I couldn't understand the messages on the answerphone from him.

I have an interview tomorrow. I could perhaps read this thread again but I'd like to think I wouldn't do anything quite so horrendously stupid as the things mentioned on here!

Dont steal your flatmates interests then apply to the office she works at. This happened to me - I was a trainee solicitor and my supervisor received a CV from my ex flatmate. Ex flatmate did nothing outside work except shag married men but on her CV had said that she was on trainee solicitor group committee as education officer, played badminton, helped at youth group etc basically stolen word for word that section of my cv .

Why would you say that if it wasnt true - how odd!

I went to an assessment centre when I graduated where we were asked to say something interesting about ourselves. The guy who went before me smiled and said 'I'm dating Michael Owen's sister, we've been together several years'

The woman who was conducting the assessment centre then interjected that she went to school with Michael Owen's sister, that she was actually one of her best mates and that she knew for a fact that he wasn't dating her... it was so embarrassing. But at least I knew that whatever I said couldn't be much worse!

I am really struggling to get interviews at all kitty. it is very difficult to pretend not to be desperate because I really am desperate. I no longer can see things getting any better. I feel I used up my luck when I was offered the job I wasn't allowed to take.

xstitch I've been unemployed and also unable to get a job in my profession so you have my utmost sympathy.
I would say though, do you think you are so fed up that it's coming over in applications/interviews? I had an interview a couple of years ago for a job I desperately wanted but knew I probably wouldn't get as the other candidates would have more recent relevant experience. I messed up the interview big style but the interviewer was lovely and called me to ask if I wanted some feedback. She said that she could tell I was really demoralised and that had made me come over as very negative - I had a think about it and managed to come over much better in my next interview and got the job! It wasn't quite what I wanted but it turned out better than I thought and I am still there now four years later :)
Hope you get something great soon.

xstitch, on your CV, list all the jobs you do to support your degree studies, grouped together with dates, and explain that these roles were performed whilst you were a part-time/full-time student.

In your covering letters, say that you are very accustomed to hard work, have a strong work ethic, that you have in the past held down several roles at the same time (if this is true). If the money for those was crap, say 'The money wasn't the best, but I got a lot of job satisfaction from doing x, and it'd be great to be doing something similar again'

Also, if you have any hobbies or interests which fit in with the role, mention them too. (For example - I am a very fit and determined person - I do marathons- but of course, only if you do!)

Most employers are desperate to interview people who are enthusiastic and flexible. They might feel threatened intellectually, so don't dwell on your studies. At the interview, think hard about your past achievements and convince YOURSELF that you are not a desperate person, and that you could do this job really well, and get a lot of pleasure out of delivering a good service.

If you go in thinking 'I'll never get this, I'm overqualified and they'll write me off', then this will show and you'll give a lacklustre performance at interview (because you've already dismissed yourself as unsuitable - so why should they think any differently).

Please don't give away that you're desperate! This will only appeal to the very worst employers!

The weight loss suggesting of mine was only if someone were double the weight they ought to be getting back to a normal weight.

How much to look someone in the eye? I think a huge lot of the time. I don't really assess how much I do it but you want to be kind of having them feel empathy with you, make a connection, feel if their and your eyes are smiling as it were.

I agree with the suggestion of recording yourself. I was recorded this morning for something and it does help you see how others see you.

helen ime losing weight doesn't help. It doesn't get you the initial interview obviously unless your weight should now be included on CVs now . Maybe the fact I am so incredibly ugly outweighs the weight I have lost. Surgery would be needed to fix that.

I once went for an interview which involved a group task. Someone actually said c* in his answer!!! I don't know if he got the job like.

Freudian, good luck for tomorrow

Having made it as far as the interview and done reasonably well, do not send the person who interviewed you an email asking for their personal number and including a picture of you naked with your cat!

Xenia - Lose 9st in order to get a job? Jeez. Harsh.

When I write lower case I think it looks awful, I once got told by someone at a job centre scheme to fill out a photocopy of an application form in lower case after I did one in capitals, she took one look at it and said stick the capital letters one, the lower case looks like a five year old did it.

Freudian my son (who has Aspergers and hates eye contact) looks at people's noses instead. You can't tell the difference except that one makes him anxious and unable to concentrate, and the other doesn't.