Made Up Food Rules

So you eat the crust first you savage!

Scotch broth?
chickeh soup?
beef broth?
all gorgeous.

What’s wrong with sweetcorn on a roast??

Chips and lasagne with a side of garlic bread though you are missing out.

Cannot have chips with any pasta. It’s carbs on carbs. Can’t have a side of bread with baked potato. It’s just wrong pal.

I never order meat on a pizza either, but that's because of the nasty processed meat most pizza places use. If I was making my own and had left over roast chicken, I'd be happy to use that on the pizza.

Pasties/sausage rolls have to be warm.

The chocolate side of a chocolate biscuit is eaten with it facing down, never up.

Chocolate has to be eaten straight from the fridge. Same with potato crisps - preferably posh, crunchy ones. Maise based ones are fine out of the cupboard.

if you have a chutney/pickle/sauce on a sandwich, it must always go on the top of the other fillings and be eaten with the sandwich held that way.

Packed lunches end with the sweet stuff - main/sandwiches ➡️ snacks ➡️ fruit ➡️ treat. Do not be eating your yoghurt whilst waiting for your soup to warm up in the microwave! 🤮

I don't like hot prawns, love a prawn cocktail or even getting them from a fish van at the seaside, but hot no thank you.

I only like prawns marinated or in garlic butter - I can’t eat them in any sort of sauce like a curry. I have no idea why as I love tandoori King Prawns but only dry!

Agree! Trying to spread jam on top of cream is a PITA. But you can dollop cream on to spread jam easily.

Well this is just super sensible and everyone should (not) do this!

OMG I thought I was the only person who loves corn on the cob but can’t eat corn off it! No idea why, it just tastes totally different.

There should be 5 x as much cake as icing.
Royal icing has no place on a Christmas cake.
Toast must be cold before buttering.
Meat has no place in a smooth soup.
Fruit does not belong in cheese

A quiche Lorraine should never have cheese in it. Any other quiche is fair game but as a cheese hater it drives me nuts because all supermarket quiche Lorraine’s have bloody cheese.

Also, mayonnaise on every sandwich is also wrong (don’t like mayo either). Totally unnecessary.

Did they have disposable wooden cutlery?

2 second rule.

Went to a venue cafe

Expensive breakfast was served on paper plates & paper cups

I would understand paper plates at a roadstop cafe.

However this was a sit down, river location

Will not visit again

Ham and cheese together in a sandwich. It's either one or the other.

@Shodan , but you cook them separately and put them on the plate separately.

As for your husband...

😂This is exactly what my children say. But I look at them and think two things:
a) You're weird, eating one thing at a time, and
b) I don't carefully make a meal with items that complement each other to then eat them individually! If you're going to do that you might just as well serve pickled onions with your roast dinner.

On the subject of pickled onions though- DP once requested that I serve roasted pickled onions with the Christmas dinner, I was baffled and revolted equally, but decided I was being narrow-minded and unloving, so I gave it a go. They were predictably awful. Then just the other day, we had a ready-made coq-au-vin, with tiny onions in. He said 'Oh look! Pickled onions!'. There was then a realisation (he thought all baby onions were pickled onions) and a careful explanation of what the word 'pickled' meant...

Nooo, don't take away my cheese and apple!! Or pork pineapple damn you!

Fruit with chocolate is gross

Mint with chocolate acceptable

Nuts with chocolate nice

Oh yes and sandwiches always in triangles they just taste better.
Soup should be blended, watery soup with lumps is never good though watery soup with fine noodles is good.
crisp sandwiches only work with lots of butter on cheap sliced white bread and are even better with some bovril.
Bovril is always better than marmite.
Baked beans have to be kept separate from toast as they make the bread soggy and poached eggs must sit on kitchen roll before being placed on toast for same reason.

@BlackCat14 OMG yes the one banana a day thing. I still say exactly the same to my kids and I've no idea why.
Custard should be cold with a hot pudding.
Mince pies should never be completely enclosed in pastry unless it's puff pastry in which case it's obligatory.
Cutting a fresh loaf of bread, the crust should be eaten immediately with loads of butter and it doesn't count as food.
Sweetcorn is grim but buttered corn on the cob is delicious. It's always in addition to a meal though not in the same plate as anything else.

Crisps or chips do not belong in sandwiches.
Dunking biscuits in tea or coffee is wrong. My XMiL thought she was very posh so I was very surprised to see her dunking as my mother had always said that was what common people did.