Sex and cancer: Lovehoney partners with Macmillan to raise awareness and you can help by donating 10%

A cancer diagnosis can turn your world upside down, affecting everything from your daily routine to your most intimate moments. While discussions about treatment and survival often take centre stage, the impact on your sex life is a crucial - yet frequently overlooked - aspect of living with cancer. 

To help strip away the taboo and talk frankly about sex and cancer, Lovehoney and Macmillan Cancer Support have joined forces. In fact, as part of the partnership, Lovehoney is donating a portion of sales to Macmillan to support the work they do. Before 5th August 2024, for every product sold on this page, 10% of the sale (plus VAT) will be paid to Macmillan. 

Whether you’re navigating this journey yourself or supporting a partner or friend, our guide aims to help and share what you need to know. But before delving into the details, it’s important to understand just how widespread the issue is. According to a recent survey by Macmillan Cancer Support: 

• 23% of people with cancer in the UK - equivalent to around 700,000 people - have serious concerns about sex, loss of libido or fertility as a result of their diagnosis or treatment.¹ 

• Among this group, 62% are struggling with the physical effects of treatment on their ability to be intimate. 

• One in three feel less confident about themselves.

• 29% are concerned about their appearance or desirability. 

Despite these figures, fewer than half (39%) of those who want help with concerns around sex or fertility have actually received support. This means tens of thousands of people have been or are trying to manage these issues on their own. 

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Physical changes and challenges

Cancer and its treatments can cause a range of physical side effects that can impact sexual function and enjoyment. The most common issues being: 

• Fatigue and feeling exhausted all the time 

• Discomfort and/or pain during sex due to increased sensitivity, changes in tissue elasticity or side effects like nerve damage that cause pain/numbness

• For women, vaginal changes like dryness, loss of elasticity, shortening of the vaginal canal (after surgery or radiation), or changes in sensation 

• For men, they may have difficulty getting or maintaining an erection due to nerve damage, reduced blood flow and hormonal changes

• Body changes and long-term physical changes that affect body image, confidence and sexual function like scars, loss of body parts, weight changes, hair loss, ostomy bags, catheter/port placements 

• Hormonal changes can impact libido, arousal and sexual function

• Fertility issues in both men and women 

• Certain cancers can cause incontinence, leading to issues with bladder or bowel control 

Lovehoney

Emotional hurdles 

It's not just about the physical changes when it comes to sex and cancer. Cancer can take a significant toll on your mental and emotional state, affecting desire and intimacy in various ways, for example:

• Stress and anxiety due to constant worries about treatment, prognosis and finances can overshadow intimacy 

• Depression is common in cancer patients, dampening libido and emotional connections

• Treatment-related changes can affect body image, self-perception and comfort with intimacy

• Fear about sex like pain, performance or safety can create anxiety

• Experiencing grief and loss can affect emotional availability for intimacy

• Role changes can add strain to a relationship and may add pressure in a family

• Struggling with feeling like a patient rather an a sexual being

• Trauma responses following cancer experiences can interfere with intimacy 

What you can do to reclaim your sex life when living with cancer

While the challenges are real, it's important to remember that a fulfilling sex life is still possible after a cancer diagnosis. Here are some practical steps you can take:

1. Firstly, talk to your medical team

There’s no need to suffer in silence. While it may feel difficult to bring up your sexual concerns to your doctor, just remember that your medical team wants to support your overall quality of life. That includes your sexual health. 

With that said, you should ask about: 

• Any potential sexual side effects of your specific treatments

• Management strategies for side effects you’re experiencing

• Whether it’s safe for you to have sex during treatment

• Fertility preservation options, if relevant

• Referrals to specialists like pelvic floor physiotherapists or sex therapists

2. Communicate with your partner

It’s crucial to have open, honest conversations about your feelings and needs. This might include sharing your fears and insecurities, discussing any physical changes or limitations, expressing what feels good (and what doesn’t), talking about new ways to be intimate, and also being clear about when you need space or to rest. 

Remember, your partner may also be struggling with their own feelings about the situation. Encourage them to share as well.

3. Explore new ways to be intimate 

Sex isn’t just about penetration. Expanding your definition of intimacy can help you to open up to new possibilities. Things like massage or sensual touch, sex toys, mutual masturbation, kissing, cuddling and tantric practices that focus on breath and energy are worth exploring. 

You might instead want to use erogenous zones that aren’t affected by your treatment. Or exploring fantasy or role-play is always an option.

4. Consider sex toys

Vibrators or other aids can help with stimulation and pleasure, especially if sensitivity has changed. They can also be a fun way to explore new sensations with your partner. 

Some toys you could try include external or internal vibrators, massage wands, cock rings (can help with maintaining erections), masturbation sleeves, dildos or even prostate massagers. 

5. Use lubricants

Water-based lubricants can help hugely with vaginal dryness and discomfort. And don’t be shy about using plenty. Some options to consider include: 

• Regular water-based lubricants, like Lovehoney’s water-based lube

• Moisturising lubricants designed for menopausal women, like Yes’ water-based intimate lube 

• Or organic/hypoallergenic options for sensitive skin, like Sliquid Organics natural gel lubricant

Related: Discover the best lubes that Mumsnet users rate

6. Practise safe sex

Some cancer treatments may affect fertility or increase infection risk. So, it’s important to use condoms during intercourse to prevent STIs. You should also discuss contraception with your doctor, as some methods may not be suitable during treatment. 

Be aware of when you might be at a higher risk of infection too, like during chemotherapy. 

7. Be patient with yourself

It’s okay if things don’t work perfectly right away. Take it slow, and focus on reconnecting by starting with non-sexual touch to rebuild comfort. You could set aside time for intimacy without the pressure of ‘performance’, and celebrate the small victories and moments of pleasure. More importantly - be willing to laugh at the awkward moments too. It’s most likely just as awkward for your partner as it is for you during this time. 

MissyB1

8. Maintain general health

Taking care of your overall health when you have cancer can positively impact your sex life. After all, the better you feel, the more likely you’ll feel up to it. Regular exercise (that’s approved by your doctor), a balanced diet, and stress-management can all help you navigate through this uncertain time. 

To aid fatigue, make sure you’re getting enough sleep. Avoid smoking completely and limit alcohol as much as possible. 

9. Address body image issues

Feeling comfortable in your changed body can take some time, so it’s important to practice self-compassion and positive self-talk. Try looking at and touching your body to get used to changes, explore clothing or lingerie that makes you feel confident. And remember, your worth is not determined by your appearance. 

10. Experiment with timing

Figuring out when you tend to have the most energy or feel the best during the day can be helpful. This might actually be at a different time of day before cancer. So, consider scheduling intimate times when you know you’ll feel up to it. No pressure, though - be flexible and willing to reschedule if needed. 

KitKatBunny

11. Manage pain and discomfort

If you're experiencing pain during intimacy, first try different positions to find out what’s comfortable. You could use pillows or positioning aids for support - like this one - or exploring non-penetrative forms of intimacy might be an option. You could even consider taking pain medication before sex… Just check with your doctor first! 

12. Lastly, seek professional help

As we’ve mentioned, your healthcare providers are concerned about your overall health and wellness as you navigate your cancer diagnosis and treatment. So, don’t hesitate to reach out to them and other specialists who can offer targeted help. For example, sex therapists or counsellors who specialise in cancer care. 

You might also wish to consult with a pelvic floor physiotherapist, a fertility specialist, a psychologist or psychiatrist for mental health support and lastly, a couples counsellor to help you work through any relationship challenges.

Resources and support available

Remember, you’re not alone in navigating these challenges. These are organisations and resources dedicated to supporting people with cancer in maintaining their sexual health and relationships, including: 

> Macmillan Cancer Support

Website | Tel: 0808 808 00 00 | Chat online

Macmillan Cancer Support offers information on sex and cancer like detailed guides on side effects, information for partners, as well as a helpline staffed by trained professionals 

And as part of their partnership with Lovehoney, individuals can gain expert insight from their trained Sexual Wellness Health Practitioners, giving those living with cancer and their loved ones the essential support they need. 

> OUTpatients

Website | Contact here

This charity provides information specifically for LGBTQ+ people living with and beyond cancer. They have a dedicated Sex and Cancer hub on their website.

> The Eve Appeal 

Website | Tel: 020 7605 0100

The Eve Appeal is a leading UK national charity that’s funding research and raising awareness into the five gynaecological cancers – womb, ovarian, cervical, vulval and vaginal.

> Local support groups

Many cancer centres and hospitals offer support groups where you can connect with others going through similar experiences. Ask your medical team about options in your area.

> Online communities

Forums and online support groups can be a valuable source of advice and connection, like Mumsnet’s cancer Talk board. It might help to look for moderated spaces that are specific to your type of cancer or treatment.

Cancer doesn’t mean the end of your sex life

A cancer diagnosis doesn't mean the end of your sex life. It may look different than before, and it might take some work, but you deserve pleasure and intimacy. Be patient with yourself, keep communication open with your partner and medical team, and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Remember, sexuality and intimacy are important parts of overall well-being and quality of life. By addressing these issues head-on, you're taking an important step in your cancer journey and reclaiming a part of yourself that cancer may have overshadowed.

It's okay to prioritise your sexual health alongside your cancer treatment. You're not being frivolous or selfish - you're caring for your whole self. And that's an essential part of living well, with or without cancer.

About the author

Rebecca Roberts is a writer, editor, and content marketing expert hailing from Leeds. Here at Mumsnet, she commissions, writes, and edits to bring parents content designed to make life easier. After birthing and breastfeeding two babies in two years, Rebecca knows first-hand how hard it can be to reignite intimacy. From condoms, to lubes, to sex toys - she’s on a quest to find the best ones, with the help of Mumsnet user recommendations.

Beyond her role as an editor here at Mumsnet, Rebecca can be found balancing life as a working mum of two toddlers and when she’s not at her desk, you’ll likely find her at a local playgroup, in a nearby coffee shop, walking the dog, or hiding from her neighbour as she attempts to buy condoms during her weekly “Big Food Shop”.

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_{¹ Macmillan Cancer Support/YouGov survey of 2,099 adults in the UK who have had a cancer diagnosis. Fieldwork was undertaken between 2nd January and 22nd January 2024. The survey was carried out online. The figures have been weighted and are representative of people living with cancer in the UK (aged 18+). Survey question was as follows: “Have you had any concerns about any of the following issues in the last few weeks, which were caused or have been made worse by your experience of cancer? Please mark on the scale of 1-5, where 1 is 'not an area of concern' and 5 is 'an area of great concern'.” 23% of respondents gave a score of either 4 or 5 for either ‘Sex or fertility’ or ‘Loss of libido/ sexual needs’. ‘Around 700,000 people’ figure estimated by applying the 23% to the 3 million people living with cancer in the UK. 3 million figure sourced from: Macmillan Cancer Support. Cancer prevalence. Accessed February 2024.}