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Or is he spying on me?

(179 Posts)
Cluedos Thu 23-Jan-20 10:27:20

And how can I find out if so?!

Extremely concerned re: my boyfriends behaviour. Things just don't add up. Here are some examples...

• a few weeks ago I was on my way home from work and went somewhere on my estate on the way home to pick something up. I found him there parked up in his car trying to call me. This was in the middle of the day when he was meant to be at work 30 miles away.

• a day after we had a night apart, he asked me if I wrote down my dreams? That very morning I had started to write down on notes on my phone what I was dreaming about as they've been quite odd. There's no way he could have known this.

• yesterday he questioned me on where I'd been for work. Then asked me if I'd been to town? No I hadn't as I rarely go into town but thought it was weird he would ask as he you didn't go into town then?

• yesterday he says he leaving for work at 8 as he's off to London for a job. Later when he finds out I'm not leaving til 9 he decides he won't either. He comes into every room that I do. Then I say I don't need to leave til about 10 past and he wants to wait for me. I go by the shop at the top of the toad and he's just sat in his car looking out the window at me. Completely unnerved me!

I don't know whether to be concerned or humoured. I've been thinking about calling it a day which he knows but he's recently been diagnosed with depression and tends to play on that to buy some time.

Am I completely mental?

TheFastandTheCurious Thu 23-Jan-20 10:32:25

Run as fast as you can, and get a new phone!

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Thu 23-Jan-20 10:44:38

It sounds like he possibly has a key logger app on your phone, and may have a tracking app also.

The very fact that you think this is enough to make sure you run for the hills, even if you find nothing on your phone.

You shouldn't be with someone who you think is capable of doing this.

MulticolourMophead Thu 23-Jan-20 10:45:02

Echoing pp, run, and get a new phone. This is seriously starkly, controlling behaviour.

MulticolourMophead Thu 23-Jan-20 10:45:29

Stalky, not starkly.

Cheeserton Thu 23-Jan-20 10:46:20

WTF?? You need to challenge him directly on all of this. If no sensible explanation forthcoming, which there won't be, run quite fast.

Emmelina Thu 23-Jan-20 10:48:26

Sounds like he might have a tracker and key logger on your phone. So he can see everything you’re writing and everywhere you go.
What a controlling ass.

SpudsAreLife84 Thu 23-Jan-20 10:51:08

He is abusive and his behaviour will escalate OP. You need to end it and soon but don't be alone when you tell him and ask him to leave - ask male family members or friends to support you.

nameymcnamechangeagain Thu 23-Jan-20 10:54:15

Does he know your details for find my iPhone or have access to your phone to look at your “significant locations”? Obviously the dream thing would lead to more questions and his accessibility to your phone though...

Whatsnewpussyhat Thu 23-Jan-20 10:57:32

Fucking run. Tell people IRL about his behaviour.
It's like he is trying to catch you out. Convinced himself you must be seeing someone else. His behaviour is escalating, be careful.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 Thu 23-Jan-20 10:57:36

Do you have an iPhone? If you are logged in on an iPad etc then he could see all this? X

Whatisthisfuckery Thu 23-Jan-20 11:03:34

Either he has the shining or he’s monitoring your phone. Either way I’d be running for the hills, and either getting a new phone or getting yours checked and any tracking software removed. Also make sure all your passwords get changed. Do it from another computer he doesn’t have access toand log out of all devices.

TheGirlWithAPrince Thu 23-Jan-20 11:17:50

damn thats creepy, sounds like he is stalking and sounds like he thinks your up to no good. move on from the creep

CakeandCustard28 Thu 23-Jan-20 11:23:37

He’s not spying. He’s stalking you.
Get rid of him. It’ll only get worse.

Travis1 Thu 23-Jan-20 11:25:32

Definitely sounds like he has some kind of tracker on your phone. Get rid of the boyfriend and I'd do a factory reset on my phone.

Sicario Thu 23-Jan-20 11:26:15

Bloody hell. That's full-on stalking. He probably has all kinds of spyware to monitor your every move and online activity.

Get rid, and report it to the police.

MarthasGinYard Thu 23-Jan-20 11:29:33


GrandmaSharksDentures Thu 23-Jan-20 11:39:12

How long have you been with him?
What did he say when you found him on your estate when he was meant to be at work?

Karenisbaren Thu 23-Jan-20 11:39:44

Run for the hills.

Cluedos Thu 23-Jan-20 11:40:00

Thanks for all comments so far. I will reply properly a bit later as at work but how do I check my phone to see if he's done anything?

I already know he suspects me of having someone else. He asks me daily if I like someone else or chatting to someone else. Never given him a reason.

He also works in IT and more specifically for communication systems so I'm concerned this is a highly complicated matter if he's doing that.

Scrunchy95 Thu 23-Jan-20 11:44:12

Definitely obsessed with you. How long have you been together and living together?

Wereallsquare Thu 23-Jan-20 11:44:55

You are not being paranoid.

Do you have brothers or intimidating male friends nearby? Let them know what it happening.

Turn your phone off and get a new one secret from him. Tell him you lost it if need be.

If you are living together, go stay with a friend or family while you sort yourself out.

Get the phone checked for a tracking app.

Document everything as you have done here.

Tell all the trustworthy people in your life about what is happening.

Go to the police with documentation.

Stay safe.

Sparkle2020 Thu 23-Jan-20 11:45:53

Could he not see this post? End it but not on your own. Have someone with you and get out. This sounds dangerous to me

littlepaddypaws Thu 23-Jan-20 11:47:29

dump him and get a new phone, the depression thing in this case, if in deed it's true, is his problem to sort out. he has some serious problems going on. don't be emotionally blackmailled into staying with him. he might trot out the old favourite 'i'll kill myself if you leave me' er, yeah okay, bye ! people like this will threaten but won't do it, too full of themselves ime,

tenlittlecygnets Thu 23-Jan-20 11:47:34

I already know he suspects me of having someone else. He asks me daily if I like someone else or chatting to someone else. Never given him a reason.

Controlling, stalky, fucking creepy. Get away - and don't let him use depression or anything else to keep you. Fucking weirdo.

What does he say when you challenge him on things, eg waiting by the shop and staring at you??

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