Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is he spying on me?

178 replies

Cluedos · 23/01/2020 10:27

And how can I find out if so?!

Extremely concerned re: my boyfriends behaviour. Things just don't add up. Here are some examples...

• a few weeks ago I was on my way home from work and went somewhere on my estate on the way home to pick something up. I found him there parked up in his car trying to call me. This was in the middle of the day when he was meant to be at work 30 miles away.

• a day after we had a night apart, he asked me if I wrote down my dreams? That very morning I had started to write down on notes on my phone what I was dreaming about as they've been quite odd. There's no way he could have known this.

• yesterday he questioned me on where I'd been for work. Then asked me if I'd been to town? No I hadn't as I rarely go into town but thought it was weird he would ask as he said...so you didn't go into town then?

• yesterday he says he leaving for work at 8 as he's off to London for a job. Later when he finds out I'm not leaving til 9 he decides he won't either. He comes into every room that I do. Then I say I don't need to leave til about 10 past and he wants to wait for me. I go by the shop at the top of the toad and he's just sat in his car looking out the window at me. Completely unnerved me!

I don't know whether to be concerned or humoured. I've been thinking about calling it a day which he knows but he's recently been diagnosed with depression and tends to play on that to buy some time.

Am I completely mental?

OP posts:
CloudyVanilla · 23/01/2020 12:35

This sounds absolutely awful :(

Please leave, even if by some incredibly remote possibility he isn't a stalkery creep, who wants a relationship where even in the heady beginnings of romance he is acting needy, insecure and controlling?

Sounds better for both of you if you walk away but I guarantee he will put up a fight. Please don't start a LTR or have kids with him :O

NeckPainChairSearch · 23/01/2020 12:36

how do I check my phone to see if he's done anything?

Forget the phone. Ditch it. DON'T SET 'TRAPS.'

Run, don't walk away from this man.

Seriously, though, the way he thinks he can do this to you - what the fuck is wrong with some people?

Panicovereveryone · 23/01/2020 12:39

I'd report him. This is very very worrying behaviour.

You are not paranoid, he's stalking you.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 23/01/2020 12:39

2 threads in 2 days about possessive weird men.Run op!.

Geauxtigers · 23/01/2020 12:42

Please please get out of this relationship. My sister dated a guy like this once and it took us a year to get her out of the relationship and even then he would show up to her work, come to my parents house and just sit outside for hours. Called the police but they did nothing but warn him against doing what he was doing. Eventually she had to change her number and she moved to a new city (for a job, not solely to get rid of him) and that was when she finally got him off her back

MulticolourMophead · 23/01/2020 12:47

I'd certainly be talking to the police about this. Hell know that what he's doing is illegal, and clearly doesn't care, so this is highly likely to escalate.

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 23/01/2020 12:50

Can you get a cheap handset to use in the meantime? As pp says make sure you have support around you in case he turns violent. You never know what a person is capable of.

If you do suspect stalking behaviour, make a report with the police so they have it on file.

He does sound controlling. Definitely get rid asap.

lborgia · 23/01/2020 12:52

The last thread has vanished from my watch list...any idea why?!

op, nothing vaguely open to question here. Absolutely need to put your phone back to factory settings and get help leaving him.

Fainne · 23/01/2020 12:54

Waves to stalker boyfriend!!

nameymcnamechangeagain · 23/01/2020 12:59

Yeah good point about him seeing this!! Make sure you tell someone in real life!

Cocobean30 · 23/01/2020 13:02

Omg op Confused is there an IT dept in your that could check your phone (I’m sure they wouldn’t mind) please be careful he sounds u hinged and dangerous tbh. Do you have family you can stay with if this escalates

lowlandLucky · 23/01/2020 13:03

You need to check your car and home also, i bet they are tapped

Cocobean30 · 23/01/2020 13:07

IT guys in work**
Also keep the phone as evidence of his behaviour but get a new one for day to day use

Noshowlomo · 23/01/2020 13:08

So creepy, I had shivers reading this!

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 23/01/2020 13:09

Take your phone straight to a shop or expert for help. You need to record evidence showing he has done this, if he has. You may need it later on..

Emmelina · 23/01/2020 13:21

I agree with taking phone to the shop/Apple store. But TAKE SOMEONE WITH YOU. He knows exactly where you are at all times here. Don’t put yourself in any danger, but you must get this stopped ASAP. Can you go to a friends and dial 101 for advice from their phone?

theemmadilemma · 23/01/2020 13:24

My first thought was keylogger on your phone. A factory reset should do it as long as you don't restore anything from back up and only re download apps you need to your phone,

Equanimitas · 23/01/2020 13:25

Are you posting on this thread by phone? If so, stop.

QueefLatifah · 23/01/2020 13:28

Leave.

rumpusboo · 23/01/2020 13:29

Watch You on Netflix. Good luck

LennyPugGoat · 23/01/2020 13:29

What car do you drive? Mercs have connect me, he could be logged in to that as well

chocorabbit · 23/01/2020 13:30

If this is real, if he has access to your phone presumably he also has access to your mumsnet account so could log in from anywhere and read your latest posts and threads.

Sparkle2020 · 23/01/2020 13:43

Omg no, don’t watch You on Netflix. She will be terrified @rumpusboo

cakewench · 23/01/2020 13:48

holy shit. Did you write this on your phone? He'll be here then waves to crazy man

crosspelican · 23/01/2020 13:50

Have your phone reset to factory settings - your provider can do this in store for you if you're unsure how.

Log it with 101. You are NOT wasting anyone's time by doing that.

Tell people you know in real life - your parents, siblings etc.

Dump him and block him on everything. Never look back.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.