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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is he spying on me?

178 replies

Cluedos · 23/01/2020 10:27

And how can I find out if so?!

Extremely concerned re: my boyfriends behaviour. Things just don't add up. Here are some examples...

• a few weeks ago I was on my way home from work and went somewhere on my estate on the way home to pick something up. I found him there parked up in his car trying to call me. This was in the middle of the day when he was meant to be at work 30 miles away.

• a day after we had a night apart, he asked me if I wrote down my dreams? That very morning I had started to write down on notes on my phone what I was dreaming about as they've been quite odd. There's no way he could have known this.

• yesterday he questioned me on where I'd been for work. Then asked me if I'd been to town? No I hadn't as I rarely go into town but thought it was weird he would ask as he said...so you didn't go into town then?

• yesterday he says he leaving for work at 8 as he's off to London for a job. Later when he finds out I'm not leaving til 9 he decides he won't either. He comes into every room that I do. Then I say I don't need to leave til about 10 past and he wants to wait for me. I go by the shop at the top of the toad and he's just sat in his car looking out the window at me. Completely unnerved me!

I don't know whether to be concerned or humoured. I've been thinking about calling it a day which he knows but he's recently been diagnosed with depression and tends to play on that to buy some time.

Am I completely mental?

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 24/01/2020 12:23

I wouldn't even bother finding out tbh, I'd be gone, weird

nameymcnamechangeagain · 24/01/2020 15:14

@Cluedos are you ok OP?

katewhinesalot · 24/01/2020 15:34

I'm worried that now he knows she's on to him that things may escalate. Presumably she's still at work now though.

Ayemama · 24/01/2020 16:32

Ph god this sounds like my ex, definitely get a new phone if you can asap

BumpyNugget · 24/01/2020 16:45

Sod Clare's Law, what good is it to do a time consuming check utilising that when he is already being a creepy stalker with OP.

Whether he has done anything before is totally irrelevant because he is doing it now. Besides that, every creepy bastard has to start somewhere, so a clean check means bugger all.

Also a clean check only shows that the person being checked up on was not caught or reported for wrongdoing, not that they never did anything wrong.

Abusive partners thrive on the silence from their traumatised and (wrongly) ashamed victims and few get reported or charged with anything.

OP, get rid of him. He sounds creepy and dangerous.
Just get away by any means necessary.

TomeOfSomething · 24/01/2020 17:00

Even last night I had to prove to him I hadn't been chatting to anyone else by showing him my call log.

fucking hell - even this on its own is bad enough!

nameymcnamechangeagain · 24/01/2020 17:13

@katewhinesalot exactly. I’ve been thinking of her!

kerrynov7 · 24/01/2020 18:03

OP hope you are okay.

Maskedsingeroctopus · 24/01/2020 18:24

Run for the hills. I hear it's quite easy to track peoples mobiles.
I track my 11year old as he walks home but will stop at 13yo. I only do this as other mums do.
Snapchat tracks everyone.
It's creepy.

novacaneforthepain · 24/01/2020 18:42

Facebook has something called nearby friends and if that is on he will be able to see where you are and where you have been. Check that.

But definitely run. Have you watched "You" on Netflix Grin

shouldhavecalleditoatabix · 24/01/2020 22:56

@masked I won't stop until DD is bloody 18! But then she can track me too and I guess I'll have to review it if she asks.

OP hope you're ok.

Scrunchy95 · 26/01/2020 09:08

I was really hoping OP would post again to reassure she is okay. Can’t shake the worry.

Notimeforaname · 26/01/2020 10:10

Another one thinking about you and hoping you're safe OP. X

AnneGrapes · 26/01/2020 10:17

You're clearly not safe with this crazed man and I'm very worried. You need to get out NOW!

thickwoollytights · 26/01/2020 10:24

If this is for real (I doubt because why the hell have you not gone to the police, changed the locks on your house, changed your phone and sim and ended the relationship ALREADY????) .....

..... then fgs do all the above NOW!

Jesus ... this is scary AF

Pinkette06 · 26/01/2020 10:37

Hope your okay opFlowers

Cluedos · 27/01/2020 10:11

Hi guys. Sorry I haven't been back. Just wanted to thank you for your concern and let you know I'm okay.

I can assure you it's very much real but again I have been given explanations for all the things. I'm taking on board what you have said.

OP posts:
Equanimitas · 27/01/2020 10:35

What explanations have you been given, @Cluedos?

Catmaiden · 27/01/2020 12:09

I'd be very suspicious and wary about any of those "explanations" tbh.

Crunchymum · 27/01/2020 13:29

"Such as he said he wanted to do something on it and set up a reminder for me each day to tell me how he felt about me"

I can't even begin to understand this?

He set up a reminder on your phone so he can tell you how he feels about you?

Why are you hanging around for his explanations? Why haven't you dumped him, changed your locks and informed the bloody Police?

You have to help yourself here @Cluedos

littlepaddypaws · 27/01/2020 15:25

don't know about cluedos, op seems totally clueless to me, as sh'e not taking much advice most of which is very good.

Mollychristmas · 27/01/2020 15:43

Now is that the OP or her stalker partner?!?

That’s the problem with these type of threads you really don’t know if the OP is safe or not!
Hopefully she has a supportive family close by to keep an eye on her.

MRex · 27/01/2020 15:54

@Cluedos - if you are still with him, you are not ok. You need real life support and a restraining order.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/01/2020 15:58

@Cluedos

Please tell us that you have finished with him (at least) and contacted the police.

If not, why not? You received a unanimous 'He's fucking weird, keep safe and get away from him' vote from MN.

ActualHornist · 27/01/2020 16:43

Why do explanations matter so much? You don’t want to be with him and his behaviour- as much as he justifies it - is scaring you.

Keep safe and be strong.

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