Or is he spying on me?

[Cluedos]

And how can I find out if so?!

Extremely concerned re: my boyfriends behaviour. Things just don't add up. Here are some examples...

• a few weeks ago I was on my way home from work and went somewhere on my estate on the way home to pick something up. I found him there parked up in his car trying to call me. This was in the middle of the day when he was meant to be at work 30 miles away.

• a day after we had a night apart, he asked me if I wrote down my dreams? That very morning I had started to write down on notes on my phone what I was dreaming about as they've been quite odd. There's no way he could have known this.

• yesterday he questioned me on where I'd been for work. Then asked me if I'd been to town? No I hadn't as I rarely go into town but thought it was weird he would ask as he said...so you didn't go into town then?

• yesterday he says he leaving for work at 8 as he's off to London for a job. Later when he finds out I'm not leaving til 9 he decides he won't either. He comes into every room that I do. Then I say I don't need to leave til about 10 past and he wants to wait for me. I go by the shop at the top of the toad and he's just sat in his car looking out the window at me. Completely unnerved me!

I don't know whether to be concerned or humoured. I've been thinking about calling it a day which he knows but he's recently been diagnosed with depression and tends to play on that to buy some time.

Am I completely mental?

You need to record evidence showing he has done this, if he has. You may need it later on.

This is a very good point - do this before wiping it.

If you have an apple, check the "Find My" app and see if that is switched to off for sending your local location.

Would it be in the OPs interest to have this thread deleted or locked from public sight until she has a new phone and user name, @MNHQ?

Oh my goodness OP, run away from this man quick. Hope you're ok.

You need to go to the police. You obviously need to leave the boyfriend (you don't say if you live together or not, you'll need help moving your stuff our, or kicking him out if so). You may think you could just reset your phone, give him the boot, and that will be that, but behaviour like this is the beginning and women are most at risk when they try to leave abusive partners. Please take this very very seriously and get the law involved now.

Am I completely mental?

No. He, on the other hand...

Run. Seriously.

If he has depression he needs time to himself to work on himself. So you are really helping him if you don't see him anymore. I had a bf with depression, when it got bad he just wanted to be alone.

Sounds like you might have an iPhone, and he might have access to your Apple ID/iCloud. Notes are automatically synced there and you can see location of the device.

If that’s the case then there will be nothing for anyone to find on your phone.

Resetting it to factory setting won’t make any difference (assuming you log back in with same iCloud password)

Likewise a new phone (assuming another iPhone and same iCloud account)

Make sure you have two factor authentication turned on (google it) and reset the password on your Apple ID.

He would possibly have Apple ID password if he has ever installed an app for you? Purchased anything from iTunes?

Less likely if you have a phone with Touch ID or face recognition but there are no downsides to changing the password. Really people should be doing it fairly regularly anyway

I hope you haven't started this thread on your phone?

Leave as quick as possible.

Ditch the phone like previous posters have suggested.

OP Are you chatting on here via your phone or work computer?

Safety plan for leaving, as other posters have suggested. Check your car for a tracking device. Police. Women’s Aid. Run.

@Cluedos - what phone are you using?

If it’s an iPhone, he could be logged into your iCloud. This would give him your messages, notes and location.

Fucking hell this is seriously frightening!

Stop using your phone. Replace immediately. Change all your passwords immediately and do not use your phone. Change access codes to banking. Ask for this thread to be deleted and repost under a new username after changing your password. If he has a key logger, he knows all your passwords, what you are have texted, commented, written etc. And break up with him immediatelyğ

I'd get my phone checked asap, OP.

@Cheeserton he has been challenged on this. Most of the time is because he wants to spend time with me or he just wanted to know. The time I found him on the estate he got let home from work early apparently. Somehow he always manages to make it sound like a nice reason
@nameymcnamechangeagain and @GrandmaSharksDentures find my iPhone is not even set up on my phone. There are times he has been on my phone in disguise. Such as he said he wanted to do something on it and set up a reminder for me each day to tell me how he felt about me. I knew he was using it to spy though. Even last night I had to prove to him I hadn't been chatting to anyone else by showing him my call log. I have been with him over a year now but his behaviour is getting progressively worse. I can see that now.

We do not live together and we each have our own place. He does not have a key to mine and is not there when I am not there.

@tenlittlecygnets I have not confronted him yet about the shop this morning as I was driving and have been working since. No doubt it will just be that he stopped to get a drink as he usually does.

I was on my phone earlier but now on work computer. I will log out of phone now. I am sure when I have logged into icloud it texts me with a code so not sure if he is doing it that way since I have had nothing like that.

I am thinking I should speak to the police on your advise as I really do not know what he is capable of.

Get a new phone and sim today. Don't tell him.

oh god

Definitley change your number and reset the phone to factory settlings (they people in the phone shop can help you with this if you are struggling)

Then block him on everything - email, social media - so he can't contact you!

Not sure what to do about him following you, waiting outside your house or work place though - maybe a question for the police!

Op I’m glad you responded. Do you have a security camera for your house. He’s definitely going to amp up this behaviour when you end it with him.

No security camera but good idea.

Also - please change your locks when you dump him. I know you said he doesn't have a key, but no security is too much when dealing with someone like this.

Oh and depression is NO excuse for his stalking, controlling behaviour.

There are times he has been on my phone in disguise. Such as he said he wanted to do something on it and set up a reminder for me each day to tell me how he felt about me. I knew he was using it to spy though.

Good grief. He is unhinged. Take very great care OP, but you must get rid of him.

Please tell people in real life so that if you need immediate help in any emergency you won't need to explain what's been going on.

It sounds very scary. Sounds as though not only is he stalking you but he's dropping little hints to unsettle you about whether he's watching.

TBH, I'd be straight out of any relationship like that. I hope it works out well for you.

He does sound unhinged, however if he is asking to see your phone he probably doesn't have access to it, otherwise he wouldn't need to see it.