Or is he spying on me?

[Cluedos]

And how can I find out if so?!

Extremely concerned re: my boyfriends behaviour. Things just don't add up. Here are some examples...

• a few weeks ago I was on my way home from work and went somewhere on my estate on the way home to pick something up. I found him there parked up in his car trying to call me. This was in the middle of the day when he was meant to be at work 30 miles away.

• a day after we had a night apart, he asked me if I wrote down my dreams? That very morning I had started to write down on notes on my phone what I was dreaming about as they've been quite odd. There's no way he could have known this.

• yesterday he questioned me on where I'd been for work. Then asked me if I'd been to town? No I hadn't as I rarely go into town but thought it was weird he would ask as he said...so you didn't go into town then?

• yesterday he says he leaving for work at 8 as he's off to London for a job. Later when he finds out I'm not leaving til 9 he decides he won't either. He comes into every room that I do. Then I say I don't need to leave til about 10 past and he wants to wait for me. I go by the shop at the top of the toad and he's just sat in his car looking out the window at me. Completely unnerved me!

I don't know whether to be concerned or humoured. I've been thinking about calling it a day which he knows but he's recently been diagnosed with depression and tends to play on that to buy some time.

Am I completely mental?

I would also strongly reccomend doing a Claire's Law application, I bet he has form for this

Fuck! Tell someone you trust in real life, do a Claire’s Law check on him and get the fuck rid of him!

X-post with @SpudsAreLife84

If Claire's law has something on you does that mean you have a criminal record or does it not show up on DBS as he needed one for his job.

Just reading this has scared me. Please take the advice on here.

@cluedos please make sure that you change your password in here too.

Clare’s law (or DVDS) is different from a DBS check. Only convictions can appear on a DBS check, and even then some can be missed off if ‘spent’. DBS checks also aren’t regularly updated - I need one for my job which I last had in 2012. I could have been convicted of things in that time, which that check from 2012 wouldn’t capture.

With a DVDS the bigger picture is considered. It’s well known that many (most) domestic violence allegations don’t result in prosecution/conviction, however information is pulled from MARAC agencies (police, social care, probation, etc) to identify what might be relevant and helpful for you to know to make an informed decision about the future of your relationship.

Convictions and cautions, sorry

Escalating stalker behaviour. Leave him as soon as your are safe to do so.

Definitely leave him ASAP what a weirdo!

You need to watch YOU on Netflix this is so similar. If he’s cloned your phone you may not know you need to speak to an IT guy ASAP Please don’t set traps to catch him out if you back him in a corner he could react badly act normal until you’ve checked your car for trackers, phone and check for spy cameras or listening devices...

Do not watch YOU! It's awful!

Is it possible to take your phone into an Apple store ASAP? (Assuming you have an iPhone) They might be able to help you figure out what he's done to it and how to get rid of it. Or perhaps copy only the things you want to keep and then factory reset your phone.
If you can't get to a store perhaps you could contact Apple on your work computer?

That is very worrying OP, but lots of good advice on here. His behaviour sounds very unhinged and stalking. As others have said you need to get rid as soon as it's safe and get a new phone. Personally I'd buy a new one and manually swap over my contacts to not risk anything. It might be an idea to get leave your iCloud account as it sounds like its' linked so perhaps swap to Android and use Google cloud (in other words just start again completely). Do tell police and some close friends when you are ready to dump him so they are aware of possible problems.

@Cluedos My other half is good with computers and he said using iCloud there a website you can subscribe to, to spy on the fone. He said to try and change your iCloud password

He's stalking you. You aren't safe in that kind of situation. Do you know anyone in It or have a friend who does who can look at the phone? I was watching that Donal Macintyre series about re investigating unsolved real life crimes about a month ago & was horrified the senior female Detective woman & a criminal psychologist both said stalking is a feature in 90% of murders where the victim is female. (I was stalked when in my 30's, luckily, he was sectioned & then I moved).

Clare’s law is not the same as dbs.
Police can inform you yes or no they have info on him that relates to abusive behavior in the past.

Agree this is abusive. Get away from him.
Who the hell does he think he his? Keeping a check on your every move is every kind of wrong, you know that right ?

Check your home for cameras, also your car for a tracker, take phone to a shop and get it checked for trackers and spyware.

Just because he hasn't for a key, doesn't mean he hasn't been in or got it copied.

I have experienced this. My ex broke my phone, went to work the next day and came home with a brand new phone for himself and gave me his old one.
From that day forward I felt like he would say odd things or bring up topics of conversation that I'd been speaking about with other people out of the blue. He seemed to know my whereabouts quite a lot and would 'set traps' by asking if I'd been to a certain place and watching to see if I lied.
He was a psychopath, he was 100% tracking my movements and possibly listening in to conversation. I thought I was going crazy for a while.
Your op sounds scarily similar.

Fuck me this is a terrifying bread. He's not spying, he's stalking. You've had some fantastic advice here. Log it with 101, bring family up to date and end it. Get your phone checked out. Would a hard reset solve it? Mine backs up automatically, so if I hard reset it, I can install the back up. I'm concerned that if you did that, it would reinstall anything he's got on there. Then again I could be talking complete crap (and happy to be told so).

FWIW, I doubt he has depression. It's a control tactic to keep you onside so that you feel too guilty to leave.

Stay safe OP.

Read. Not bread 🤦‍♀️

Very strange behaviour, I'd consider liaising with the police to see if they can investigate what he's been up to on your phone and in your home in case he's got devices there too - I would also dump him! But get police support first

Eeeeah. I have. I advise but good luck OP

We do not live together and we each have our own place. He does not have a key to mine and is not there when I am not there.

What makes you so sure he doesn't have a key? And would you know if he'd been in your place while you weren't there?

I wouldn't put it past him, actually. You've only been together for a year, yet you are now facing seriously stalking by this wazzock.

It's good that you don't live together. Dump him and change your locks, along with talking to the police and getting your phone and devices checked out, and car, too.