Page 2 | To think it’s acceptable to leave an 9yo girl at a party unsupervised

(257 Posts)
Louise0701 Wed 01-Jan-20 21:10:56

Sorry if this is a long post but wanted to include as much info as possible.
Back in October I booked a “pamper party” for my daughter and 10 friends. It’s drop - off only in a very reputable salon on a very busy high street with plenty of shops, coffee shops & restaurants.
It’s afternoon tea with a hairstyle, kids manicure and pedicure (nail painting) and games at the end.
All the mums were made aware it was drop off only when I sent out the invitations and everyone was fine with it. We all arranged to go to the restaurant over the road for a child free lunch whilst we waited for the girls. The party is for 2 hours and is this Saturday.
One of the mums who has been my friend for 5 years has texted me today saying she’s not happy about leaving her daughter with a stranger so she won’t be attending unless she can stay. I have forwarded her the email from the salon with all the party details where it states it’s drop off only. Her daughter is the oldest girl attending at 9.
As it’s only 3 days before the party I’m still going to be charged for her place. DD is gutted she isn’t going. Im annoyed that she’s known for 2 months and has only just told me today she’s not happy with the arrangement. She’s now said she will let her come and she will stand outside and watch through the window?
I can’t decide if I’m being petty and precious because DD has had a shitty year in and out of hospital and she’s really excited for this party?
So.... AIBU to think it’s fine to leave a 9 year old for 2 hours at a party?

OP’s posts: |
CodenameVillanelle Wed 01-Jan-20 21:22:35

She's going to go and stare at them through the window? Weirdo.

malloo Wed 01-Jan-20 21:22:48

YABU to have a 'pamper party' for little girls, fgs.
But that's not what you asked. YANBU to expect a 9 year old to be left at a party. Does this mum know something about the salon you don't?

Louise0701 Wed 01-Jan-20 21:23:57

Last year I would’ve said out of character but the last few months she’s gotten worked up about a lot of things that in hindsight she’s agreed weren’t things worth getting worked up over. She’s become rather obsessive and has admitted this herself.
No close family members who work there, no. My cousins friend works there and my DD has been to 2 parties there before for her cousins birthday parties.
Her DD does lots of out of school activities so is used to being left without mum so I did assume with that and her mum saying it was fine that there wouldn’t be an issue.

OP’s posts: |
BottleOfJameson Wed 01-Jan-20 21:24:06

I would just say she can stay I doubt the salon will literally stop one mum from hovering around outside. I think it's very odd to not want to leave her DD in a supervised environment when she'll be just over the road anyway but who knows what's really going on.

Whatsacill Wed 01-Jan-20 21:24:08

I would have expected one adult to stay with the girls... sounds like some will be 8? That’s pretty young still. Your friend is BU to leave it so late though...

quitecontrary123 Wed 01-Jan-20 21:25:33

I wouldn't be happy with that arrangement and would want at least one adult (the birthday child's parent) to be there to supervise.

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WorldsOnFire Wed 01-Jan-20 21:27:16

The person who assaulted me was CRB checked and in a position of authority over lots of kids 👍🏻 So I struggle to think badly of parents who are cautious but the delay in reply would really annoy me, YANBU.

I find it very weird that no parent is staying. I understand them not wanting a salon full of mums but surely you should be staying as the hosts mother? If this were my DD’s party I’d have fully expected to be reading a magazine quietly in the corner whilst keeping an eye/ear out to make sure all was ok!

laudete Wed 01-Jan-20 21:27:30

Idk. It's not unreasonable to expect that 8 to 9-year-olds can be dropped off at a party, unattended. However, I would expect the host parent to stay on-site in case of any problems. Those kids are still young enough to have overexcitement squabbles, bathroom mishaps, overtiredness meltdowns, etc. A familiar adult would be able to deal with those issues quickly and successfully. The salon staff would do their best but might not be able to do as much.

Applesandpears23 Wed 01-Jan-20 21:27:35

Drop off means only the party child’s parent stays. Are you sure you were clear that you weren’t staying? Surely you want to take pics and see your daughter having fun?

Bluerussian Wed 01-Jan-20 21:28:46

Of course it's fine for a nine year to be 'unsupervised' though, strictly speaking, the staff at the salon will be supervising the children and as all the parents will be over the road, they know where to go if they need one of them.

Please explain to the mother that she is being unreasonable - do it nicely of course. Maybe she could pop in to the salon halfway through to make sure all is well.

Louise0701 Wed 01-Jan-20 21:28:47

Thanks for all your replies. I never actually confirmed that the drop off also included me so I’ll check that 👍🏼 I just assumed it would.
The lady who owns the salon is DBS checked and it’s her that runs the parties. She put this in the confirmation email right after the bit about it being drop off.
its the shitty timing that’s annoyed me the most. She’s left her before at other parties; play centres etc.
I understand this party won’t be everyone’s cup of tea but it’s what DD wanted after going to her cousins parties last year.

OP’s posts: |
speakout Wed 01-Jan-20 21:29:08

I find it strange that you are not staying OP.

WorraLiberty Wed 01-Jan-20 21:29:20

What salon would be happy to make themselves responsible for 11 children under the age of 9, with no parent present? confused

That's pretty weird.

Louise0701 Wed 01-Jan-20 21:29:49

Sorry another post- All the parents can go back to the salon 15 mins before the party finishes to see them sing happy birthday

OP’s posts: |
HotPenguin Wed 01-Jan-20 21:30:04

I expect your friend assumed that you would be staying and has only just realised that you won't be there either. I am sure the kids will be fine but I do find this a bit odd at ages 8 and 9, unless you know the salon staff very well. You are a bit U to be so judgemental of your friend though, there could be a good reason for her anxiety. Maybe her daughter is bring bullied and she wants to keep an eye, or maybe she's had a bad experience in the past.

TrainspottingWelsh Wed 01-Jan-20 21:30:20

Yanbu.

I'd assume any reputable place offering parties like that could manage to supervise a group of 9yr olds in the same way a holiday/ after school club does. If they wanted a parent present they'd have specified.

Whatever the mum's reasoning, it's not fair to change the party dynamics for op's dd by insisting she attends too. And not fair to deny her own dd the completely normal and age appropriate independence to attend a party without her. 9 is more than old enough to be embarrassed by having the only parent staying, or your mum being the loon peering through the window for 2 hours.

MamaGee09 Wed 01-Jan-20 21:30:29

I don't see a problem with wanting a familiar adult to be there for the duration of the the partly. Im more shocked that the salon aren’t even expecting a parent to stay.

I wouldn’t book a party for either of my children and leave them without me being there. If I book a party then I’m there to supervise as it’s my responsibility to look after each child

WorldsOnFire Wed 01-Jan-20 21:30:33

I find it really worrying that parents shamed and made to feel ‘ridiculous’ for being cautious nowadays. There are some awful people in the world and children are so vulnerable.

Africa2go Wed 01-Jan-20 21:31:34

Sounds like a mis-communication.

If a mum told me my DD was invited to a "drop-off only" party outside of the house (play centre / paint a pot / cinema etc etc) i would assume - and think most other people would - that its parents of the invitees that have to drop, not the parent of the birthday girl. At 8 and 9, i'd expect the parent to be staying at the parent.

Are you sure you made it clear right from the start you wouldnt be staying?

I think you need to stay to reassure her. She is not BU saying shes uncomfortable with no adult being there.

NoMorePoliticsPlease Wed 01-Jan-20 21:31:56

Pamper party for 9 yr olds sheesh yabu

Petrichor11 Wed 01-Jan-20 21:32:04

I would expect the birthday child’s parent to stay tbh, I would’ve thought she just meant she doesn’t want half a dozen random parents cluttering up the place.

Generally yes I’d expect a child of that age to be ok being left, but there are individual circumst

LolaSmiles Wed 01-Jan-20 21:32:54

I can't vote because I can see both sides

The fact there's a group of unsupervised children at a party would bother me. I would expect one adult known closely to the birthday child (eg parent / 18+ responsible sibling or cousin / aunty or uncle etc).

But she is wrong for knowing the supervision situation and not informing you of her RSVP in a reasonable timeframe

greenlynx Wed 01-Jan-20 21:33:05

I would expect at least you staying at the salon. Tbh it’s very strange arrangements. Usually the party host is staying in case of any issues/ to supervise/ to give permission for any extras.
This mum probably didn’t realise straight away that you’re not staying. She’s not unreasonable at all in these circumstances.

Petrichor11 Wed 01-Jan-20 21:33:26

hit post too soon sorryblush

I was saying there are individual circumstances that may prevent that, and they may have only just arisen or maybe she thought she/dd could manage and now realises thats not the case

StarUtopia Wed 01-Jan-20 21:34:03

I would have thought you can stay. So that is a bit odd

But 9? Jeez. I drop my 5 yr old and go at gymnastics for 4 hours lol. No wonder kids are becoming less independent.

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