To think it’s acceptable to leave an 9yo girl at a party unsupervised

[Louise0701]

Sorry if this is a long post but wanted to include as much info as possible.
Back in October I booked a “pamper party” for my daughter and 10 friends. It’s drop - off only in a very reputable salon on a very busy high street with plenty of shops, coffee shops & restaurants.
It’s afternoon tea with a hairstyle, kids manicure and pedicure (nail painting) and games at the end.
All the mums were made aware it was drop off only when I sent out the invitations and everyone was fine with it. We all arranged to go to the restaurant over the road for a child free lunch whilst we waited for the girls. The party is for 2 hours and is this Saturday.
One of the mums who has been my friend for 5 years has texted me today saying she’s not happy about leaving her daughter with a stranger so she won’t be attending unless she can stay. I have forwarded her the email from the salon with all the party details where it states it’s drop off only. Her daughter is the oldest girl attending at 9.
As it’s only 3 days before the party I’m still going to be charged for her place. DD is gutted she isn’t going. Im annoyed that she’s known for 2 months and has only just told me today she’s not happy with the arrangement. She’s now said she will let her come and she will stand outside and watch through the window?
I can’t decide if I’m being petty and precious because DD has had a shitty year in and out of hospital and she’s really excited for this party?
So.... AIBU to think it’s fine to leave a 9 year old for 2 hours at a party?

[Whoops75]

I think this friend has saved you from yourself. The host should definitely stay at a child’s birthday party.

Please don’t leave her stay and go across the road

[Doryhunky]

The birthday girls mum should stay! If the other mum wants to stay as well; let her or maybe let her be the responsible adult!

[EffYouSeeKaye]

I would have been expecting the birthday girl’s mother to stay.

Perhaps the penny dropped that you weren’t staying when you organised the lunch. Since that was only last weekend I don’t think her timing is bad.

[Grafittiqueen]

I would expect the host parent to stay to supervise. I wouldn't be happy if they weren't and I suspect the salon will need you to be there.

[Dieu]

She is being precious and unreasonable.
Standing outside. Jesus woman, get a life.

[kingkuta]

My dd is a similar age and has been to 3 of these pamper parties. At every single one a parent plus 1 or 2 of the other mum's have stayed, the rest have dropped and picked up later. I'd consider it really weird if the parent of the birthday child was not going to be there and decided to go off for a meal with her mates. Parent stays with kids, rest of parents come 15 mins before the end, see a little catwalk show and sing happy birthday/do the cake. That's how they all go. I think by saying she would stay your friend was letting you know it's not usual or acceptable for them all just to be left with no other parents there at all. I don't know why you are pissed off with her when this is clearly your mistake

[Geraniumblue]

When my dd was 8 she was invited to a similar party. I stayed, partly to help with the food and partly to keep an eye. My dd was a tomboy at that age and not really into pampering. She got upset at the sight of herself covered in make up - she really didn’t like it. I was glad I was there to ask the beauty therapist to take it off again. Maybe there’s something like that going on?

[pallisers]

Standing outside. Jesus woman, get a life.

She has a life. One in which she doesn't let her 9 year old daughter spend time alone with salon staff she knows nothing about, who have had no background checks done on them.

All of this is moot anyway. My guess is the salon gave the OP the wrong impression or she took it up wrong - of course they want one adult to stay. What if a child trips and falls and is crying? What if a child gets sick suddenly? What if a kid throws something at another kid?

[FagAsh]

I’d actually struggle to trust any outfit that DIDNT insist on parents present!

So, no, your friend is right to be horrified IMO

[scubadive]

I wouldn’t have been happy at that age, I would expect you to stay.what if someone gets upset, falls out with another etc, you can’t expect the salon owner to do treatments and supervise. What if someone feels unwell and wants their mum etc, if they are 8 and 9 this is too young to leave.

[DialANumber]

I can see that it is hurtful to threaten to pull her daughter out at short notice, so yanbu to feel upset about that part. (However, any child could pull out at short notice due to illness or admin problems etc and ime it always works out OK in the end.)

On the other hand - my feelings on a pamper party for girls aside - I would be very uncomfortable with dropping either my 8 or 10 yr olds off somewhere and leaving them with no known adult to take part in activities that may make them feel uncomfortable or uncertain. There may be behaviour issues or throughless comments that can very quickly blow up if the adult in charge is not aware of friendships and dynamics in a group. What if one wants to leave and speak to their mum over the road? Go to the loo in another part of the building? Doesn't feel well? Has an allergic reaction to a product? The salon owner surely wouldn't open herself to allegations or safety issues by being the only adult present?

I am far from a helicopter parent and frequently find myself on the slacker side of the argument in these threads but I think the party child's parent not being present at a party is v unusual and likely to divide opinion in parents of primary school age kids. I am very happy dropping my kids off at activities and parties where there is a known adult there, one who knows the kids, has my details and with whom my dc feel safe or able to seek assistance from. This situation doesn't seem to tick these boxes tbh.

[Hollywolly1]

I really think the mother of the birthday girl should stay with the girls

[RosaYasmin]

re birthday invites, i found there were always unreliable, flaky parents

the suggestion that she may not have the money for lunch is very perceptive and I think a possibility.. another possibility is her child is nervous about being left alone - some children find parties difficult and this particular type of party is not every child's cup of tea, my daughters would have not have attended any type of pamper party. Another thing, at a party like this there is a potential for some children to take advantage and do bit of bullying while there is not a familiar adult around.

[Yeahnah2020]

I can’t believe people on here!! They are 9 years old, not four years old!!!! Shut down those helicopters mums 😂😂

[RosaYasmin]

the idea of having to have lunch with people just because their children are in the same peer group as mine fills me with utter dread

[mysmidgey]

Putting aside the whole idea of hairstyles, manicures and pedicures being a substitute for a party, for 8 yr olds

Are they not allowed to enjoy this?

[Danni12]

Yabu I think. I would absolutely expect at least one of the parents to stay.

[Newyear2020]

I think there should be a host parent supervising a group of 9 year olds. Even a group of 13 year olds should be supervised.

And I think if a parent would like to attend and supervise, even if that means from a window or a nearby space, park it is not unreasonable. There could be issues you are unaware of (like anxiety or other mental health conditions that you are unaware). Parents of children this age may be wary sharing these types of issues that their child may be experiencing with the parents of their child’s friends.

[Danni12]

Also, we don't know what is going on for your friend or her DD which might explain her level of concern.

[Whowaswronghere2]

There might be an allergic reaction to a product, 2 girls might fall out, someone could get sick, or a girl might need to come out for fresh air, the salmon staff might be weird.... You are being v v v unreasonable not to stay as host.

[Whowaswronghere2]

Salon staff, not salmon staff hehe!!

[Sceptre86]

At 9 even I would leave them too it. If an adult can stay maybe offer the chance to the other mum to stay or stay yourself. I agree that maybe the other mum can't afford the meal so is making up an excuse. At that age a lot of kids are playing out on there own not necessarily with supervision! However she is not being unreasonable in my opinion when it comes to her child, some parents are more protective/overprotective than others.

[Skyejuly]

I would think there should be at least one adult.

[Sharkyfan]

When you said drop off only I assumed you meant for the other parents and that you would of course be staying. I think that’s very unusual and i would feel a bit odd about it! So yes I think you should stay, and not sure why it’s a problem if one other mum wants to for whatever reason. Maybe it’s her dd who is feeling anxious and has asked her to stay.