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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s acceptable to leave an 9yo girl at a party unsupervised

256 replies

Louise0701 · 01/01/2020 21:10

Sorry if this is a long post but wanted to include as much info as possible.
Back in October I booked a “pamper party” for my daughter and 10 friends. It’s drop - off only in a very reputable salon on a very busy high street with plenty of shops, coffee shops & restaurants.
It’s afternoon tea with a hairstyle, kids manicure and pedicure (nail painting) and games at the end.
All the mums were made aware it was drop off only when I sent out the invitations and everyone was fine with it. We all arranged to go to the restaurant over the road for a child free lunch whilst we waited for the girls. The party is for 2 hours and is this Saturday.
One of the mums who has been my friend for 5 years has texted me today saying she’s not happy about leaving her daughter with a stranger so she won’t be attending unless she can stay. I have forwarded her the email from the salon with all the party details where it states it’s drop off only. Her daughter is the oldest girl attending at 9.
As it’s only 3 days before the party I’m still going to be charged for her place. DD is gutted she isn’t going. Im annoyed that she’s known for 2 months and has only just told me today she’s not happy with the arrangement. She’s now said she will let her come and she will stand outside and watch through the window?
I can’t decide if I’m being petty and precious because DD has had a shitty year in and out of hospital and she’s really excited for this party?
So.... AIBU to think it’s fine to leave a 9 year old for 2 hours at a party?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/01/2020 22:18

Regarding the timing, perhaps she mentioned it to someone and they made her think how strange the whole situation would be? I mean to not have at least one host parent there.

Ellisandra · 01/01/2020 22:20

I don’t see why you’re getting so het up.
I personally think one adult should stay.
You don’t want to.
She does.
Problem solved.
It will be drop off only for space - but you are the customer, so I’m sure the salon will accommodate one adult.
Clearly something is going on.
First, I’d just say yes. What does it matter?
Then, if she’s a close friend I’d get some time alone and say “hey, it’s fine for you to stay - whatever - but it seems you’ve been quite anxious recently. Do you want to chat?”

Wineiscooling · 01/01/2020 22:21

If my 8/9 year old was having a party no matter where it is, I'd stay to supervise. So although she may sound a bit nuts I also think it's nuts to have a party for my 9 year old and not be there. X

BackforGood · 01/01/2020 22:22

Putting aside the whole idea of hairstyles, manicures and pedicures being a substitute for a party, for 8 yr olds Hmm

I think this too

I expect your friend assumed that you would be staying and has only just realised that you won't be there either. I am sure the kids will be fine but I do find this a bit odd at ages 8 and 9

I can't believe anyone would expect you to be leaving a bunch of 8 yr olds for two hours without a known adult !

DukeChatsworth · 01/01/2020 22:23

Chances are @Louise0701 that if you end up staying she’ll probably be ok with her DD attending. That’s how I’d feel.

TrashPanda · 01/01/2020 22:24

Ohyesiam my eldest is now 10 but has been staying for clubs after school and doing holiday camps for several years. He also now stays at football training without a parent and goes to the park after school without any adult. I would definitely still expect the organising parent to be present at a birthday party.

cocomelon23 · 01/01/2020 22:25

Surely she'll be ok to go if you're staying?

Howdidido · 01/01/2020 22:26

I would assume that the parents of the birthday girl were staying at the venue. So I do think YABU to think she's unreasonable to want at least one known adult there

I wouldn't be leaving my DD at a party with no responsible adult there

Howdidido · 01/01/2020 22:27
  • because it's a salon, not an after school club!
DecemberSnow · 01/01/2020 22:27

I as the mum would stay, sit in the waiting room even. But be on site

SoftSheen · 01/01/2020 22:29

YABU! Of course there should be at least one responsible adult, a salon isn't a childcare facility! Or a suitable venue for a 9 year old's party

Original poster
Louise0701 · 01/01/2020 22:29

It’s not that I don’t want to go, I just assumed I was included in the drop off only as I haven’t organised this kind of party before.

I’m going to call tomorrow to clarify. I’d love to stay if that’s the case. As I said, all the parents will be returning before the end to see the girls sing happy birthday etc so she won’t be far away anyway. I’m sure once I call it’ll all be sorted.
I’ll just ask if she can stay.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 01/01/2020 22:33

I cannot imagine any venue allowing you to drop the kids and not have at least one parent stay. I certainly wouldn't use such a venue when the kids are so young. I'm guessing you have misunderstood.

Also would it really take you 2 hours to eat lunch?

PennyGold · 01/01/2020 22:34

I'd want an adult there.. there's no guarantee that everyone working there is trustworthy. I know you're saying everyone is DBS checked but that isn't a guarantee (if they have no criminal history).
It's a nightmare she didn't mention her concern before, but there's no way I'd leave my nine year-old in the company of adult strangers, without someone there to supervise.
I'm surprised the salon would have them unsupervised, which would give me more concern.

converseandjeans · 01/01/2020 22:36

She probably assumed you would be staying & has just clicked you aren't going to be there - as you have organised lunch. I think one adult should stay at that age tbh. Perhaps by 12/13 it would be ok to leave them? Could she go along as the adult?

cabbageking · 01/01/2020 22:36

One adult should stay with the girls for common sense safeguarding.

The fact they work in a salon doesn't mean they are safe to be left with children.

ChicCroissant · 01/01/2020 22:38

I would be very surprised if the birthday parent wasn't present at a party, even a pamper party. I see that you say she (other parent) has form for obsessing over small details previously OP, but I do think that one parent should be there for under 9's.

saraclara · 01/01/2020 22:42

The timing is probably due to her only just finding out that NO adult is staying. She may well not feel the need to stare through the window if she knows that the birthday parent will be there and have her number for any emergency.

Whowaswronghere2 · 01/01/2020 22:42

Surely an adult - ideally you needs to stay and supervise? It's a salon not a crèche. It's her child so she is not being unreasonable.

Savingshoes · 01/01/2020 22:45

Yet she's perfectly fine with leaving her 9 year old with strangers at school: strange teachers, strange cleaners, strange admin staff.
Just not strangers at a salon, over the road from the parents.Hmm
Poor 9 year olds, they just want some freedom and age appropriate time away from helicopter adults.

Africa2go · 01/01/2020 22:49

Yet she's perfectly fine with leaving her 9 year old with strangers at school: strange teachers, strange cleaners, strange admin staff.
Just not strangers at a salon, over the road from the parents

Are you seriously suggesting that leaving a child at school is the same as leaving a child at a salon for a pamper party? Thats hilarious.

pallisers · 01/01/2020 22:49

are people really comparing leaving a child in school with leaving a child in a hair salon.

I would have presumed one adult (parent of the birthday girl) was staying. What if the there is an argument with the girls? What is one of them is being mean to the others. Do you really expect the salon staff to intervene? I bet the salon expect you to stay.

MrsPlesWearsAFez · 01/01/2020 22:56

My yanbu should have been a firm YABU but there was vital info missing in the OP.

cabbageking · 01/01/2020 22:57

The salon would not require even a basic DBS check.

They are free to employ anyone regardless of any criminal offences.

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 01/01/2020 22:58

At 9 it's fine to drop off a guest but I would expect a parent of the host to be present throughout.

I agree that the invitee’s mum is not being fair with the timing, but on the other hand she’s probably been focussed on Christmas and has only just got around to really thinking about it.