To think it’s acceptable to leave an 9yo girl at a party unsupervised

[Louise0701]

Sorry if this is a long post but wanted to include as much info as possible.
Back in October I booked a “pamper party” for my daughter and 10 friends. It’s drop - off only in a very reputable salon on a very busy high street with plenty of shops, coffee shops & restaurants.
It’s afternoon tea with a hairstyle, kids manicure and pedicure (nail painting) and games at the end.
All the mums were made aware it was drop off only when I sent out the invitations and everyone was fine with it. We all arranged to go to the restaurant over the road for a child free lunch whilst we waited for the girls. The party is for 2 hours and is this Saturday.
One of the mums who has been my friend for 5 years has texted me today saying she’s not happy about leaving her daughter with a stranger so she won’t be attending unless she can stay. I have forwarded her the email from the salon with all the party details where it states it’s drop off only. Her daughter is the oldest girl attending at 9.
As it’s only 3 days before the party I’m still going to be charged for her place. DD is gutted she isn’t going. Im annoyed that she’s known for 2 months and has only just told me today she’s not happy with the arrangement. She’s now said she will let her come and she will stand outside and watch through the window?
I can’t decide if I’m being petty and precious because DD has had a shitty year in and out of hospital and she’s really excited for this party?
So.... AIBU to think it’s fine to leave a 9 year old for 2 hours at a party?

[CripsSandwiches]

@WorraLiberty

I'm not its very easy. My DC have done lots of one day or half day courses where you drop off and pick up a few hours later. It's very common and not difficult to insure.

[CentralPerkMug]

You say last weekend you decided on the restaurant? So this was probably when she first realised that even you wouldn't be staying, its a highly unusual set up so I can see why she would be surprised and unhappy with it. My dd wouldn't be going to a a party with no familiar adults, or a pamper party for that matter. It is pretty clear that the timing worked out this way because she only just realised that even you won't be attending your daughters party.

[milkysmum]

I've got a 10 year old and an 8 year old and have hosted and attended many many parties. Totally normal to drop off at this age, very strange for the birthday child's parent to not be present at the party though. I think most people would have assumed you would be there throughout the party to be honest.

[TrashPanda]

If I had received the invitation for my child I would be perfectly happy to drop and run for the duration as it genuinely wouldn't occur to me that the birthday parent wouldn’t be staying. I wouldn't be comfortable if I knew there was no adult staying.

[DillyDilly]

Given the children’s ages, I would expect the hosting adult to stay for the duration of the party.

[Ohyesiam]

I voted the wrong way by accident, sorry. Of course yanbu, unless she has a as very good reason which you don’t know about, watching through the window is bloody ridiculous.

[PositiveVibez]

I would be happy dropping a 9yo, but I would expect one of bday girls parents to be there.

[UndertheCedartree]

Personally I would have no problem droppimg my DD at a party like this. Presumably they will take contact numbers should a girl need a parent - and as you are just over the road couldn't be easier. HoweverI would speak to the salon - I'm sure they wouldn't mind having one parent stay so if that mum prefers to stay it would probably be ok.

[CoolCarrie]

I would assume that you would be staying at your own daughter’s party OP, so that is unusual, I would certainly be staying at my child’s party wherever it was at that age.

[Ohyesiam]

To all the people wo are surprised you won’t be there op, Do their kids not do any clubs where they don’t attend. Yes

[Fr0g]

Sounds odd that they don't insist on one adult staying - but I get why they wouldn't want every parent.
if friend wants to stay, tell the salon thats what happening - as PP has said, she can sit in the reception area with a book. You go ahead with the lunch - the Mother that stays behind can contact you easily enough if she is close by.

[Ohyesiam]

Sorry about the random yes!

[Louise0701]

Yes she definitely knew I wasn’t staying. We’ve been discussing this for weeks. We decided on the restaurant at the weekend as we couldn’t decide between 3 or just having a coffee and a browse round the shops.
Like I said, I think I’ve misunderstand the email and I’ll be staying.
As I say, I’m annoyed at the timing and the fact she has left her DD many times before. I would’ve preferred her to of told me from the beginning.

[MrsFogi]

I would expect the party girl's mother to remain at the venue for the duration of the party.

[Jamhandprints]

My child is 8 and I would leave him at a party with friends parents, but not with strangers. That just seems really weird. And some children are very shy or have special needs which are not visible but may make them feel unsafe in a situation like that.

[MakeItRain]

As a teacher I find it really strange that more than one familiar adult wouldn't be present let alone none. We have to risk assess external activities to include every sort of risk going, including things like injuries/who would accompany the child in an ambulance in case of emergency/ sickness/ anxiety/ children needing extra support/strangers/is anyone needed to supervise visits to the toilet?/are facilities accessible to all?/ whether members of the public are present and children's awareness of appropriate behaviour. The risks may be low, but they are risks nevertheless and I am shocked that the salon doesn't seem to treat this party with the same care/attention to detail. Do they have phone numbers of all the parents should they need to contact anyone in an energency? Have they asked about any special needs/anxiety/allergy and if not why not? What's their policy in case of accident or illness? What would they do if a child ran off? They're all scenarios that we automatically include in our risk assessment process.

I'm sure parents would expect a school trip to be risk assessed in this way, so why not a trip to a salon for a party in which the adults have been asked to leave the premises? I know this isn't the "same" - it's a private party organised by a mum, but the underlying risks to consider are the same.

So no, I don't think the mum is being unreasonable in worrying about this scenario.

[Louise0701]

Yes they have my mobile number and have also asked in advance for any dietary requirements and known allergies.
They are insured, yes. The owner has been very informative on the confirmation email which I forwarded to the mums for if any of them had any questions.
All our daughters used to go to rainbows together and have done the sleepovers and camps etc.
I really didn’t expect her to have an issue and am annoyed with the timing.

[Bunnybigears]

Leaving a child at a club/activity they do regularly is completely different to leaving them at a salon they have never been to with adults you have never met before.

[LittleDragonGirl]

Well there two options really if ansupervising adult is needed. You can stay yourself to supervise, but if your dd friends mum will insist on being there regardless of if you are then she could always stay and supervise and you could still have your lunch as planned

[thirdfiddle]

Yes do check. Any commercial organisation taking responsibility for young children that we've been involved in has required pages of info - contact details, emergency contact details, medical conditions allergies etc etc. It's much more formal. Clubs have insisted we stay until they have this info processed in their system.

Them agreeing informally for you to be responsible and then you taking the children somewhere and supervising them there is different thing, you're not an organisation with Public Liability insurance.

If they're not doing it formally or not aware they should all the more reason not to leave children with them. They might not know what to do in an emergency either.

[gingerbiscuits]

I'm surprised the salon doesn't expect at least the host adult to stay. Like someone else has said, that means that the salon staff will have to have been DBS cleared. I'd be a bit anxious about leaving my 9yr old with no known adults at all for 2hrs to be honest.

[Pippa12]

Definitely poor timing but I imagine she assumed a responsible familiar adult was staying. I definitely would not be comfortable leaving my 8 year old DD in this situation.

My DD had a pamper party this year, it was drop off for parents due to space but myself and another adult was expected to stay in attendance.

[saraclara]

I was the parent that the other parents moaned about, because I gave my daughter more independence than they gave their kids (so their kids pestered them for the same).
But even so, I'd expect one supervising parent (normally the birthday child's) to be at a party like this. Even if they're just sitting there with a magazine.

[FancyAMincePie]

I would expect one adult to be present to supervise

[IncrediblySadToo]

I am usually the one on here saying it’ll be fine...etc, but if they do actually mean NONE of the parents, rather than only 1-2 parents I’d think it very odd, a bit sinister, so I wouldn’t be happy at all.

Don’t be cross with your friend, find a time to talk to her about what’s going on in her life to make her suddenly so anxious. There must be someth7ng going on, poor woman.