To think it’s acceptable to leave an 9yo girl at a party unsupervised

[Louise0701]

Sorry if this is a long post but wanted to include as much info as possible.
Back in October I booked a “pamper party” for my daughter and 10 friends. It’s drop - off only in a very reputable salon on a very busy high street with plenty of shops, coffee shops & restaurants.
It’s afternoon tea with a hairstyle, kids manicure and pedicure (nail painting) and games at the end.
All the mums were made aware it was drop off only when I sent out the invitations and everyone was fine with it. We all arranged to go to the restaurant over the road for a child free lunch whilst we waited for the girls. The party is for 2 hours and is this Saturday.
One of the mums who has been my friend for 5 years has texted me today saying she’s not happy about leaving her daughter with a stranger so she won’t be attending unless she can stay. I have forwarded her the email from the salon with all the party details where it states it’s drop off only. Her daughter is the oldest girl attending at 9.
As it’s only 3 days before the party I’m still going to be charged for her place. DD is gutted she isn’t going. Im annoyed that she’s known for 2 months and has only just told me today she’s not happy with the arrangement. She’s now said she will let her come and she will stand outside and watch through the window?
I can’t decide if I’m being petty and precious because DD has had a shitty year in and out of hospital and she’s really excited for this party?
So.... AIBU to think it’s fine to leave a 9 year old for 2 hours at a party?

My nearly 6yo DD is invited to one of these type of parties for a 6th birthday party next month (I know... age 6...) and the Mum has told us there’s only room for 3 adults- so it will be herself, birthday girl’s Dad and grandma. For a “drop off only” party, I wouldn’t expect there to be literally no familiar adults i.e. the birthday child’s parent to be present/chaperoning. Maybe this other mum had expected that to be the case when she agreed to the drop off but when she realised not even you would be there, she changed her mind about attending.

I wouldn't be happy with this is if not even one parent was there.

Yep as above
Absolutely fine with a "drop off party" but the deal is always that the birthday childs parent is there "supervising". A familiar adult etc.

Id absolutely pull out the moment it was made clear there wouldnt be a known responsible adult attending. However late. Or want to stay myself.

Absolutely normalnfor all the mums to sit and have coffee nearby, but NOT the birthday childs mum! (And possibly a friend for company).

Don't you want to see it and be part of it?

I wouldn’t stay whilst my 9 year old was at a party. But the parent/parents of the birthday child would normally stay.

If you'd told me it was a drop off only party, for 9 year olds I'd assume that at least one or two adults (i.e. the birthday child's parents) would be staying, not that they'd be left alone there.

I imagine this Mum did the same and has only just realised that's not the case.

I don't think I'd be comfortable with it either

I’ll email to clarify whether I’m staying or not. I should’ve done this earlier in hindsight but I did assume it was all parents to drop off.
Yes, she definitely knew I wasn’t staying as we had arranged the lunch and have been discussing it so she definitely knew I wasn’t staying.
I did think being over the road would be okay and grant DD a little bit of appropriate independence for just under 2 hours but I appreciate we’re all different.
My AIBU should’ve probably been “AIBU to think this timing is shitty” as that’s the real issue.

As parent of a guest child I wouldn’t stay but as party organiser parent I would stay and expect the salon to insist that you stay.

I would of assumed you were staying . My Ds is 12 and although never wanted a pamper party never been or held a party where there wasn’t the hosts parent present

I'm very surprised that the salon wouldn't want an adult to stay tbh

I’ve not done one of these parties for my DC before she wasn’t aware of the etiquette. DD does athletics twice a week for 2 hours a time and we leave her there.
When my cousins daughters had their parties there my cousin didnt stay as she took her son to a few shops on the same road but as I said, it’s her friends salon so perhaps that’s why.

I would have no problem dropping my kid at a party, from about the age of 4. But I would expect the party child's parents/guardians to be there.
I wouldn't be happy dropping with random party organisers.

If I drop my kid at scouts/sports etc, I have filled out a long form with medical history/allergies/SEN, also parents contact details and another emergency contact etc.

In a salon they could be using all sorts of lotions and potions which a child may have an unexpected reaction to.
Also who is dealing with behaviour?

Leaving your DD at an athletics club is a bit different

If your friend is unhapy her daughter is not being supervised even though there will be staff there, I would suggest your friend stays to watch whilst you all go to lunch.

I think a salon is opening itself to a lot of risk by having people drop children off and not requiring a responsible adult to remain. Are all staff DBS checked etc?

At that age there absolutely should be a responsible adult present. What if a child has a reaction to any products etc.

The salon is being negligent and if not have agreed to that when DD was 9. Dropping off with you staying as the solo responsible adult - yes. No responsible adult at all - nope.

Never ever heard of a party without a parent supervising.

I just saw your updates and they actually make her request even more reasonable. This particular place is familiar for your DD but maybe not for hers. And the activity itself is however very nice but not an ordinary thing for 8-9 years old. Girls might be upset about something/ unhappy, they might quarrel about sitting arrangements, who does first what and lots of other things. How far the toilet will be? Will the toilet be shared with other customers?
My DD was at the similar party at 10 ( just nails). The place was tiny and closed for the party only but nevertheless mum of birthday girl was staying.
I think this mum raised a very reasonable concern which I would raise with the salon owner.

I would assume you would be there at least.

My daughter wouldn't have stayed without me at 9 due to social anxiety and I most definitely wouldn't have even attempted to leave her without a familiar parent there. Maybe your friend hadn't realised you weren't staying until you all confirmed the restaurant?

She’ll stand outside and look in?! Blimey, do you think she’s suffering from anxiety given she’s previously left her child at parties? The timing is shit, YANBU in that respect. I would hope one parent would stay at a pamper party at a salon.

I'm quite surprised the salon owner can get insurance for this kind of thing really.

It's not just a DBS certificate I'd want to see but a current first aid certificate too.

Thank you for all your responses. I’ll call the salon tomorrow morning and clarify whether or not I’ll be staying. More than happy to and would love to be there, just assumed drop off also included me.
It’s closed for the party so no other customers there but I think perhaps I’ve misunderstand the drop off situation.
Thanks all

Yanbu tombs annoyed at the super late notice

Yabu to assume everyone is like you and happy to leave their kids unsupervised - people have their reasons.

Bloody hell do people really worry about leaving 9 year olds? Don't they ever go to workshops? Art clubs etc?

We have lots of ‘Own your own pony for the day’, I’m not sure the place is checked or the staff have dbs, I highly doubt it. I know there’s insurance. Nothing to do with me before anyone jumps on me, I just pay for my horse to live there!

Wait and you wouldn’t even be there? So it is with a total stranger? Sorry I totally missed this. YABU,