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Disagree with husband about childbirth

(447 Posts)
soshnomore Wed 11-Dec-19 10:34:27

So I'm not pregnant but hoping to be in the next few months. I have previously told OH I would ideally like a water birth, which he was totally against. He is very much of the opinion that a 'normal birth on land' has worked for 1000s of years so why should I want to do something different.
Last night I brought it up again after reading a study that showed water births can decrease tearing and generally improve a mother's wellbeing during childbirth.
He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby, and cites statistics about mothers who have c-sections being more likely to develop PTSD or PND.
It's like debating with a child. He doesn't listen to my point of view or really take my feelings into consideration at all in the situation.
"I'd rather we find a woman who will carry your egg and give a normal birth than choosing to "lay my eggs in water when they should be laid in a nest"."
I mean come on... He basically said if I had a water birth he would never forgive me.
I've said we can speak to a doctor or a midwife and seek their advice but he is dead set against it and has "had his last word on it".
Am I being unreasonable to think that ultimately the way I give birth is my decision, and he should have more consideration for how I will feel in this whole thing?

areyouafraidofthedark Wed 11-Dec-19 10:35:44

Oh ffs tell him to grow up, your body your decision. If he has such twaty views about birth what else does he have stupid views on. Do you really want a child with this man?

Breathlessness Wed 11-Dec-19 10:37:08

’He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby’

And you want to have children with him? Why?

Socksey Wed 11-Dec-19 10:37:11

Yell him when he give birth he can deliver in the manner he wishes....

MustardScreams Wed 11-Dec-19 10:37:21

Errr well I wouldn’t be planning on having a baby with him first of all. He sounds like an arrogant sexist pig.

No uterus, no opinion.

dazzlingdeborahrose Wed 11-Dec-19 10:37:21

Not his decision. Just tell him you're having a water-birth. If he can't support your decision you need a different birth partner.

SemperIdem Wed 11-Dec-19 10:37:55

He thinks using a surrogate is more natural than a water birth?

QueenWhatevs Wed 11-Dec-19 10:37:59

Its not too late to dump his pathetic misogynist arse and have a child with an actual decent human being.

Also, how you give birth is your decision alone. He doesn't get a say.

KenDodd Wed 11-Dec-19 10:38:03

I didn't even finish reading about what he was saying.

Your body, your decision, end of.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername Wed 11-Dec-19 10:38:13


soshnomore Wed 11-Dec-19 10:39:11

Oh I've told him if he really wants to challenge me on this I'll get him removed and he can "never forgive me" for that too.
He just has some old fashioned views (traditional Arab Muslim, whereas I am a very liberal Western Muslim) that I cannot get my head around.

Sexnotgender Wed 11-Dec-19 10:39:56

No vagina no opinion.

And I concur with posters saying I wouldn’t have a baby with such a buffoon.

SolemnlySwear2010 Wed 11-Dec-19 10:40:05

'He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby'

I dont think I have ever read a bigger pile of bullshit. Tell him that I had a 3rd/4th degree tear so in horrendous pain and ended up almost dying through blood loss. Was whisked away from my newborn and rushed into a 3 hour surgery session.

I missed my DD first bath, and my DH had to bottle feed her (that I again missed) because I was not allowed to breast feed due to medication required for my tear. So it actually made me miss out on a whole load of 'bonding' that I wanted to do but wasn't fit enough for any longer.

I still has issues now 5 years down the line!

raspberryk Wed 11-Dec-19 10:40:14

I wouldn't reproduce with this moron.

PooWillyBumBum Wed 11-Dec-19 10:40:16

Why are you marrying this tool? What gems will he come up with when the kid is older?

He has no say, you don’t need to persuade him, you don’t even have to have him there. In fact, if I were you, I wouldn’t even have him there during conception...

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal Wed 11-Dec-19 10:40:17

Why the fuck would you want to have a baby with him?

JasonPollack Wed 11-Dec-19 10:40:26

Do not have children with this arrogant sexist pig, who does not listen to your opinion OR facts about your body! You would be insane to make yourself dependent on him.

PooWillyBumBum Wed 11-Dec-19 10:40:45

*married to not marrying

Bluebutterfly90 Wed 11-Dec-19 10:41:15

What the actual fuck.
Why does he even care?
I'm trying to imagine my DP having any kind of opinion about how I give birth and I'm just gobsmacked, not to mention the bit about pain increasing the bond - that's almost sadistic!
Put your entire foot down. It is not up for discussion. Your body, your rules.
Betting you could probably just get the midwives to turf him out if he was banging on about you needing to be in pain on a bed rather than in the water.
I'd reconsider having kids with this guy full stop, he sounds awful.

pinkyredrose Wed 11-Dec-19 10:41:20

Do you really want children with this man? What kind of father do you think he'll be?

TheSandgroper Wed 11-Dec-19 10:41:27

You know, he doesn’t actually have to be in the room. Every hospital ward has a waiting room for, umm, waiting for news. He can go there.

You can entertain yourself in quiet moments by imagining what every other bloke will say to him as they walk past.

doritosdip Wed 11-Dec-19 10:41:34

Not had a Cs but pretty sure there's lots of pain involved. What a twat!

If you told him what pain killers and anesthetics he could have would he accept that? Bet not !

SquareAsABlock Wed 11-Dec-19 10:41:38

Are you serious? Is this a serious question? Your husband is bloody awful, I'd sooner have my fanny stapled together than have a baby with him.

Oh, and I had a water birth, nothing abnormal about it in the slightest. I had more issues bonding with my second who was born on a bed with zero pain relief.

7yo7yo Wed 11-Dec-19 10:42:14

Don’t have kids with this twat.
This is just the start of a long slippery road.
Sounds like he’ll be a shit dad especially if you have a daughter.

User1483098432 Wed 11-Dec-19 10:42:19

Sorry but he sounds terrible. He does realise you're not just an incubator doesn't he? Surely whatever makes you happy and comfortable when you're the one who will be giving birth is paramount? When he gives birth he can do it on top of an mountain whilst playing a banjo if he wants to, but until that day comes I'd tell him to sod off.

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