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AIBU?

Disagree with husband about childbirth

654 replies

soshnomore · 11/12/2019 10:34

So I'm not pregnant but hoping to be in the next few months. I have previously told OH I would ideally like a water birth, which he was totally against. He is very much of the opinion that a 'normal birth on land' has worked for 1000s of years so why should I want to do something different.
Last night I brought it up again after reading a study that showed water births can decrease tearing and generally improve a mother's wellbeing during childbirth.
He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby, and cites statistics about mothers who have c-sections being more likely to develop PTSD or PND.
It's like debating with a child. He doesn't listen to my point of view or really take my feelings into consideration at all in the situation.
"I'd rather we find a woman who will carry your egg and give a normal birth than choosing to "lay my eggs in water when they should be laid in a nest"."
I mean come on... He basically said if I had a water birth he would never forgive me.
I've said we can speak to a doctor or a midwife and seek their advice but he is dead set against it and has "had his last word on it".
Am I being unreasonable to think that ultimately the way I give birth is my decision, and he should have more consideration for how I will feel in this whole thing?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

2237 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
2%
You are NOT being unreasonable
98%
Delphinium20 · 27/10/2021 23:16

I'm so happy for you, OP! I wish you a good life and good for you on getting out of what would have been a lifelong hell of a marriage.

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Caplin · 27/10/2021 23:16

Yay!!! This took an excellent turn!!! Well done OP!!

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Youdoyoutoday · 27/10/2021 23:23

You need to hook him up to one of those machines that gives men the feeling of contractions then kick him in the balls when it's switched to the highest setting.
If he can handle that pain without complaining, then you can still ignore his opinion as its up to you!!

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hexxuss · 01/02/2022 17:58

Congrats on finally saving yourself, and your sanity. I've been there. I wish you nothing but TRUE happiness in the future.

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crazyjinglist · 01/02/2022 18:20

Don't remember seeing this thread at the time, but well done OP! I hope lots of women who are in denial in abusive relationships read it - it just goes to show how much you can blind yourself to the red flags. Wishing you a very happy future, OP.

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GrandDuchessRomanov · 01/02/2022 18:24

Why on earth are you marrying a man who purposely wants you to suffer more pain?

You would be fool to marry him.

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GrandDuchessRomanov · 01/02/2022 18:26

Sorry, just seen the updates, well done OP.

You dodged a massive bullet there.

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OldEvilOwl · 01/02/2022 19:10

Don't have a baby with this idiot ffs!

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OldEvilOwl · 01/02/2022 19:11

Just seen update too! well done OP

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Suzanne999 · 01/02/2022 19:14

No womb no opinion.
If he wants to have his guts ripped out with no pain relief let him go for it.

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Thingsdogetbetter · 01/02/2022 19:21

Zombie 🧟‍♀️

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ZoeTheThornyDevil · 01/02/2022 19:24

What an unexpectedly positive update. You rarely dare to hope that a woman will get away from a bad situation she can't yet see.

Congratulations on your new life @soshnomore FlowersGlitterball

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Tootbeep · 01/02/2022 19:29

Oh my god. Why would you even think about having a baby with this man?? Your body, your choice. He clearly has no respect for your opinions, and believe me, it will only get worse when the baby arrives. And he's talking complete rubbish. I've had two sections, both elective, absolutely no issues with bonding, breastfeeding, trauma, PND etc. Do yourself a favour and dump this total loser.

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Whenigrowupiwanttobea · 01/02/2022 19:30

Tell him the next time he needs a filling or an extraction at the Dentist to have it with absolutely no anaesthetic or pain relief so he can really feel the pain and be better for it!!!!

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/02/2022 19:33

Wow OP. Well done for leaving the abusive shit.

I do remember this thread, but I can’t believe it was so long ago and re Covid.

You’ve done so well to realise what was happening before you had kids and found yourself tied even more to him. Wishing you every happiness in your future!

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Chikapu · 01/02/2022 19:39

@Tootbeep

Oh my god. Why would you even think about having a baby with this man?? Your body, your choice. He clearly has no respect for your opinions, and believe me, it will only get worse when the baby arrives. And he's talking complete rubbish. I've had two sections, both elective, absolutely no issues with bonding, breastfeeding, trauma, PND etc. Do yourself a favour and dump this total loser.

Maybe read the OPs posts?
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Hdhr8jsj · 01/02/2022 19:46

OP I'm welling up reading your update. I am so glad that you didn't stay with this man.

I hope you find really happiness.

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babyjellyfish · 01/02/2022 19:48

He sounds like a knob, OP. Don't have a baby with him.

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babyjellyfish · 01/02/2022 19:48

Oops, off to RTFT!

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HappyDays40 · 01/02/2022 19:52

I'm not one of those people who spouts "why did you have children with this man" as its unhelpful but you have a chance of escape now. When he is ready to carry the baby he etc a say as extension of this is a a coercive controlling fuckwit in other circumstances?

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HappyDays40 · 01/02/2022 19:52

Sorry OP just read updates well done you deserve the best.

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Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 01/02/2022 19:58

Yay, I love a happy ending. Onwards & upwards! xx

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Angelcide · 07/03/2022 19:23

If pain is bonding let him know (if you stay with him) that the entire time you are in labour, a rope will be tied around his balls and dick and you will be pulling on it during each contraction and pushing so he experiences just a subtle part of the pain you would be experiencing

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Doratheexploret · 07/03/2022 19:28

I would not be having a baby with this man! Seriously if he has opinions on things like this imagine what he’s going to be like when you actually have a baby. How you give birth is up to you and absolutely nothing to do with him.

As for the ptsd thing, he’s talking out of his arse. I had a “natural” birth first time around that left me completely traumatised. It was 8 years before I had another baby and then I only had a second because I was guaranteed an ELCS which was amazing.

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Doratheexploret · 07/03/2022 19:31

Argh ignore my last post, just seen the updates 🙂.

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