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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disagree with husband about childbirth

654 replies

soshnomore · 11/12/2019 10:34

So I'm not pregnant but hoping to be in the next few months. I have previously told OH I would ideally like a water birth, which he was totally against. He is very much of the opinion that a 'normal birth on land' has worked for 1000s of years so why should I want to do something different.
Last night I brought it up again after reading a study that showed water births can decrease tearing and generally improve a mother's wellbeing during childbirth.
He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby, and cites statistics about mothers who have c-sections being more likely to develop PTSD or PND.
It's like debating with a child. He doesn't listen to my point of view or really take my feelings into consideration at all in the situation.
"I'd rather we find a woman who will carry your egg and give a normal birth than choosing to "lay my eggs in water when they should be laid in a nest"."
I mean come on... He basically said if I had a water birth he would never forgive me.
I've said we can speak to a doctor or a midwife and seek their advice but he is dead set against it and has "had his last word on it".
Am I being unreasonable to think that ultimately the way I give birth is my decision, and he should have more consideration for how I will feel in this whole thing?

OP posts:
ohwheniknow · 11/12/2019 11:13

Why do you want to have a child with this women-hater?

You think his vile attitude won't damage your child?

Twittlebee · 11/12/2019 11:13

How have you found yourself with this man and seriously considering children with him?

Sannapaws · 11/12/2019 11:13

Do you HONESTLY want to have children with this man? He's trying to control how you give birth - something that really does have f all to do with him. Is he like this in general or is this need for control a one off?

You said OH not DH - if you haven't married him splitting will be easier, just saying.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 11/12/2019 11:14

@Sannapaws her title says husband and if he's a strict Arab Muslim they'll be married before trying to conceive

MyOwnSummer · 11/12/2019 11:14

The idea that anyone - even your partner - has the right to tell you what to do with your own body is reprehensible. What a f*cking twat.

Your body, your choice. More pain = better bond with the baby? Ummm, no. I had a planned c-section with zero pain, me and my kid are very well bonded thank you very much.

marchingonwithmother · 11/12/2019 11:14

Wow, he doesn’t get a say

BertrandRussell · 11/12/2019 11:16

Dump.

FrogInAHat23 · 11/12/2019 11:16

OP, I hope this post is just some random troll for your sake. You have GOT to be kidding. You want to have kids with this fuckwit? Why???

TatianaLarina · 11/12/2019 11:16

What are you doing OP? Why are you contemplating fucking up your life having kids with a man like this? If he’s like this on childbirth he will be like this with many things.

Do you think this guy is your only hope or something?

Get out while you have no ties to him.

Starlight456 · 11/12/2019 11:17

Whilst your body your choice , my bigger concern is how much will you be expected to raise the children the way he wants.

onemoresipofthehenny · 11/12/2019 11:19

I wouldn't have kids with this 'man'.
I would tell him to go and get another woman to 'lay eggs in a nest' and see how far he gets. I guarantee you no woman would agree to his bullshit.

Sannapaws · 11/12/2019 11:19

wait, who voted YABU??!! Did someone hit the wrong button by mistake???

Wild123 · 11/12/2019 11:19

Wow... just wow..

Stand your ground OP. He has NO RIGHTS to tell you have to deliver the baby you are carrying and giving birth to and if he can't be on board i would NOT have a child with him.

I had a water birth, it was an amazing experience and i have an amazing bond with my 8 year old daughter.

HuloBeraal · 11/12/2019 11:19

Another voice saying do not have a child with him.
Is he going to change nappies, help with feeds? After all it’s ‘natural’ for the mother to do it. Is he going to bugger off and leave you to first time motherhood to yourself with no help?
Are you going back to work? Will he consider it ‘unnatural’ to have a baby in childcare?
Does he do his share around the house? Or does he consider it your work and he ‘helps’?
I think there are way way bigger issues than the hypothetical birth of a hypothetical child to consider here.

hsegfiugseskufh · 11/12/2019 11:20

until he gets pregnant and gives birth himself, his opinion doesn't matter.

Do what YOU feel comfortable with, whatever that may be. Birth isn't particularly pleasant, you need to make it as comfortable as possible for yourself.

maddening · 11/12/2019 11:21

Seriously I would be not having a baby with such a controlling twat.

OlaEliza · 11/12/2019 11:21

he is dead set against it and has "had his last word on it".
Am I being unreasonable to think that ultimately the way I give birth is my decision, and he should have more consideration for how I will feel in this whole thing

I think you should find someone else to have a baby with.

What an arsehole.

pooboobsleeprepeat · 11/12/2019 11:22

Does he control all aspects of your life?
Your body, your choice.
What’s his views on circumcision?

Boredisboring · 11/12/2019 11:23

Imagine you had a daughter. Would you want her brought up around this kind of man?

gingergittable · 11/12/2019 11:24

The warning flags are there plain and clear. If you continue to try for a family with this man you're a fool.

What if you have a daughter? She won't be able to go against his will as easily and you'll be possibly ruining her life having a Father like that. Put your potential children first and do NOT procreate with this asshole.

PurpleDaisies · 11/12/2019 11:24

He’s totally unreasonable. At least you’ve found out now.

This is a strange thing to have a heated argument about before you’re even pregnant.

MzHz · 11/12/2019 11:25

THIS man? THIS VERY MAN was literally the very last man on earth and for some inexplicable reason you are compelled to marry anyone available or you’ll die?

How little do you value your life, your happiness, your future family? Your actual safety? Your kids safety?

Honestly this guy is showing you who he is and he is NOT a good man, nor an acceptable husband and will be the worst kind of parent.

This is the kind of man that will break you, damage you and any kids and very likely if he doesn’t approve of the way you do things, he’ll take the kids and run and you will be powerless to do anything about it.

Get. Out. Now.

MrBobLobLaw · 11/12/2019 11:25

Just another person asking - why do you want to have a child with this man?

Excited101 · 11/12/2019 11:25

Wow! This is incredibly disturbing, he is showing you his underlying attitudes and lack of respect for you as his ‘partner’ and potential mother of his child. I 100% do not believe that this will ever be the only thing he’s ‘funny’ about. This dominant and backwards way of thinking will dictate every moment of your lives where you don’t just comply with him. This is what you’d be setting yourself up for, is that what you actually want?

Seeline · 11/12/2019 11:26

I agree with ginger - what if you have a daughter? How are you going to protect her from his sexism. I would say giving birth is the least of your worries!