Disagree with husband about childbirth

[soshnomore]

So I'm not pregnant but hoping to be in the next few months. I have previously told OH I would ideally like a water birth, which he was totally against. He is very much of the opinion that a 'normal birth on land' has worked for 1000s of years so why should I want to do something different.
Last night I brought it up again after reading a study that showed water births can decrease tearing and generally improve a mother's wellbeing during childbirth.
He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby, and cites statistics about mothers who have c-sections being more likely to develop PTSD or PND.
It's like debating with a child. He doesn't listen to my point of view or really take my feelings into consideration at all in the situation.
"I'd rather we find a woman who will carry your egg and give a normal birth than choosing to "lay my eggs in water when they should be laid in a nest"."
I mean come on... He basically said if I had a water birth he would never forgive me.
I've said we can speak to a doctor or a midwife and seek their advice but he is dead set against it and has "had his last word on it".
Am I being unreasonable to think that ultimately the way I give birth is my decision, and he should have more consideration for how I will feel in this whole thing?

After you've given birth your way, clamp his testicles in a vice and tell him the pain will help him bond with the baby.

Do not breed with this arrogant, dimwitted, misogynistic twat.

I'd be really, really grateful. Because he's shown you before you're tied to him forever what a misogynist he is.

Don't for one minute think this will be your only battle with him. Breastfeeding, nappies, nursery v sahm, single sex schools vs religious schools, vs Co Ed schools, what your daughter wears, who your son hangs out with, what subjects there allowed to study at GCSE, and way more will be on the table and he'll always have his final word. So you'll either be fighting him or giving in constantly.

Take heed of his attitude. Think really carefully about your relationship and future. This isn't something I'd chose to live with at all.

The father is entitled to express his opinion on childbirth however it should understood that it be on the basis that it is actually fuck all to do with him. To be honest that shite he is trotting out would make me walk away and not have a child with him. What a twat! What next OP? The mother must stay at home and do all the childcare? Seriously consider your options, as he is clearly showing you that your opinion is of no interest to him about anything.

This man does not value your opinions or knowledge. He does not see you, or women in general going by his surrogate comment as human beings. You are a mere extension of him and must not argue with his word.
Leave.
You are in a fortunate position of not having any children with him so a clean break is possible. You can find someone who respects and values you if you want.

Well he's misunderstood about C-sections hasn't he. Bet he didn't read beyond the headlines. The problem there is surely recovery, so bonding post-birth. Nothing to do with pain during the birth.

He just sounds like a sadist.

He sounds like a stupid, nasty piece of work. You want to have children with this prick? You need luck, not a birthing pool.

"It's like debating with a child. He doesn't listen to my point of view or really take my feelings into consideration at all in the situation."

DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS MAN

I have previously told OH I would ideally like a water birth, which he was totally against
Well that's OK. When he gives birth he doesn't have to have a water-birth then

OP stop debating this with him. By involving him in decision-making you are letting him think he has a say. He doesn't. Tell him you will be giving birth however you feel is best and he can either support you and be there, or not and someone else will be there. Giving birth isn't a democracy - he doesn't get a vote, let alone the final say.

He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby, and cites statistics about mothers who have c-sections being more likely to develop PTSD or PND.

Honestly though, this is about more than childbirth. He's an absolute thick as shit bellend, and a controlling jumped-up little squirt of a one at that. WHY would you choose to spend your one life with someone like this? To inflict them on your child as a twatty, bossy, embarrassing no-hoper of a dad?

He needs to go, surely? You sound smart. Get rid. I appreciate that you are married and there are also cultural issues which presumably would be another hurdle to get over but YOU GET ONE LIFE. It's short. Don't waste it being dragged down by a twat!

Your body, your decision.

While I query why you'd want to have children with him in the first place; I do want to say this: Labour and giving birth is a situation where one is really quite vulnerable; if you can''t trust your DH to support and advocate for you in that situation, you need to find someone who is fully onboard with your thinking around labour and birth to be your birth companion. Hope what I wrote makes sense. I'm writing that as someone whose birth companion was crucial to my (good) experience of labour and birth.

He sounds like an absolute arse to be honest.

What would happen if for any reason during birth you had to have EMCS? Would you be blamed for that too?

I would recommend taking him to birthing classes etc once you are pregnant or even meeting with a doula.

But I’m the end OP, it’s your decision and his day has no bearing on what kind of labour you would have. Even you can’t control everything during labour, always be prepared for the unexpected.

You will need someone more supportive than this during labour though (and pregnancy to be fair).

I hope it works out and he leaves you to give birth how you think is best for you.

It's your decision, and he must accept it.
State your boundaries and tell him what he can do to support you.
If you let him dominate you on this, you will never have a voice in your marriage or the way you raise your children.

Personally I would tell him to get lost. He sounds like an arsehole.

He sounds crazy if I’m being completely
Honest. I mean “the more pain the more bond” wtf. What husband would want to
See their wife in any pain? Your husband odviously thinks you should be in the most agony of your life to bond with your baby 🤨. What about if something goes wrong and you need a c section to save you and your babies life?. Sorry but I think your husband sounds controlling and I believe you’ll have more of
These issues along the way.

I mean, as long as you are as strong and no-nonsense as you sound, then the childbirth thing isn't really an issue. You simply bar him from appointments and delivery, no discussion. It's nothing to do with him and you certainly shouldn't even give his nonsense spoutings even the barest of airtime.

But being shackled to a moron like this will negatively affect everything, and when a child is here, it becomes a lot more difficult to constantly fight off low-level twattery, controlling behaviour, bullying. You'll be forever tied to him and he will have a say on how your child is treated and raised when they are here, even if he's completely deleted from the birth process.

What other things will be 'have his last word' once baby is here? I'd think very very carefully before having children with him. Of course yanbu. My DH had no opinion on my choices re birth other than to support the ones I made.

Why on earth would you even contemplate having children with someone like this?

OP, can you really see a marriage (and parenting) working out well when one partner 'has their last word' on subjects?

Are you really compatible?

Religion, social mores aside, he sounds as though he is desperately trying to tell you who he really is!

Controlling, belittling, in charge., misogynistic twat!

As othes have said, no vagina, no opinion. If he won't listen to that then don't get pregnant until you have fully thought out your life with and without him in it!

Tell him when he is able to give birth himself he can make the decisions !

I'm actually speechless, I can't believe someone can actually be that selfish😭 I wouldn't want a baby with a man like that

I've said we can speak to a doctor or a midwife and seek their advice but he is dead set against it and has "had his last word on it".

Hahaha

Good, you reply, I'm glad that's the last we're going to hear about it!

I absolutely wouldn't take him to an appointment with a doctor or midwife - not least because I honestly think that all it would do is flag you up as being potentially at risk of abuse if he started spouting off about what HE wants for YOUR birth. Seriously - think that one through.

But better still, just don't have a baby with this nasty piece of work.

Red flag right there, don’t plan a family with this idiot

Why are you with this sexist, bullying a-hole?? Why are you starting a family with him?? Things will only get much, much worse!