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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disagree with husband about childbirth

654 replies

soshnomore · 11/12/2019 10:34

So I'm not pregnant but hoping to be in the next few months. I have previously told OH I would ideally like a water birth, which he was totally against. He is very much of the opinion that a 'normal birth on land' has worked for 1000s of years so why should I want to do something different.
Last night I brought it up again after reading a study that showed water births can decrease tearing and generally improve a mother's wellbeing during childbirth.
He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby, and cites statistics about mothers who have c-sections being more likely to develop PTSD or PND.
It's like debating with a child. He doesn't listen to my point of view or really take my feelings into consideration at all in the situation.
"I'd rather we find a woman who will carry your egg and give a normal birth than choosing to "lay my eggs in water when they should be laid in a nest"."
I mean come on... He basically said if I had a water birth he would never forgive me.
I've said we can speak to a doctor or a midwife and seek their advice but he is dead set against it and has "had his last word on it".
Am I being unreasonable to think that ultimately the way I give birth is my decision, and he should have more consideration for how I will feel in this whole thing?

OP posts:
SleepingFrog · 07/03/2022 19:53

Please do not have a baby with this person!

I've had an emergency c section following induction and the pain was unbelievable. I've also had a VBAC with just gas and air on "land". I definitely don't love one child more than the other so his logic is completely wrong!

creepychii · 26/04/2022 12:55

i registered on this site after reading an article about this on facebook just to tell you that you better think twice about having children from this kind of man. just by his shallow mindset about childbirth which he isn't even going to experience, i can't imagine what other things he will be emotionally abusing you with, and your future children.

Seeing your update from saying you only received negative responses to finally getting divorced, i am so happy for you. you deserve better. you deserve someone who treats your thoughts, emotions and well being with utmost care over some abusive man child who likes to mansplain on decisions YOU should be making

Jae0 · 26/04/2022 13:40

GET. OUT. NOW. Tf? Sounds toxic. This is YOUR choice how to have a baby. If you chose to continue this relationship and have a baby he can wait in the waiting room like they did last century like his ridiculous outdated way of thinking. Seriously, just no. Go have a baby by yourself. Make sure he is NOT the father.

SockQueen · 26/04/2022 13:42

ZOMBIE THREAD

The original post is from 2019 so I expect things may have moved along one way or another since then.

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