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I need help...NOW!! - Warning Not a pleasant subject

(367 Posts)
Cantgiveashitliterally Mon 25-Mar-19 01:34:27

OMG...Im hoping someone can help me, this is so embarassing, I feel like i have a tennis ball stuck up my bum, i cant go to the toilet and it hurts, I have been sitting on the toilet for over an hour and it feels like its coming, but...Nothing. Im sore, i feel sick and shaking. I have never felt anything like this before, somebody please tell me what to do. How can I "unblock". Ive tried walking around, drinking water, I dont know what else to do.

PS i know this sounds like a joke, but, I promise its not.

Boredgiraffes Mon 25-Mar-19 01:35:44

Down a hot drink like tea or coffee

IAmAPersonToo Mon 25-Mar-19 01:36:43

You couldn’t be pregnant could you?

Cantgiveashitliterally Mon 25-Mar-19 01:38:26

No, No chance of pregnancy, It does feel like labour pains though.

Im just boiling the kettle and hoping as OP states, a hot drink will help

Boredgiraffes Mon 25-Mar-19 01:39:54

If it gets worse though ring the nhs helpline

user1473878824 Mon 25-Mar-19 01:40:53

Have you tried taking a laxative?

SheRaTheAllPowerful Mon 25-Mar-19 01:41:28

No help now but you need a suppository to unblock if it’s that bad. Go to the pharmacy in the morning (unless you are city based with a 24) not sure if you need prescription but that and some lactulose should do the trick x
Sympathy it’s the worst I get in pregnancy

Monty27 Mon 25-Mar-19 01:41:59

I would definitely get medical advice. Hope you're ok flowers

Sn0tnose Mon 25-Mar-19 01:42:09

It sounds like you're constipated. Have you got any oranges to eat? They can loosen stools.

Cantgiveashitliterally Mon 25-Mar-19 01:42:56

@user1473878824 I dont have any, Ive never had this problem before,

NeverTalksToStrangers Mon 25-Mar-19 01:44:35

Raise your legs onto a stool to poo
Take a laxative
Try shifting your weight onto one butt cheek and then the other if trying to get it out. Discovered that one by accident but it totally works.

Cantgiveashitliterally Mon 25-Mar-19 01:45:04

@Sn0tnose Nope...No oranges, I have apples? Doubt they will work as quick tough

LordPickle Mon 25-Mar-19 01:46:54

Just waiting for the inevitable deletion....

WeirdAndPissedOff Mon 25-Mar-19 01:47:00

Do you have any natural laxatives? (Prunes, sugar free sweets?)
I've heard the following tip before for severe constipation: sit on loo, start pushing and slowly lean forward then back again, then stop/breathe. Repeat. (Note - several people swear by it but never worked for me).

If it really hurts, or you're really struggling is it worth ringing for advice? Just in case there's an impaction, or something else going on?

Charley34 Mon 25-Mar-19 14:50:44

It's piles come off the loo and get doctors appointment I had it thought why isn't it coming out was internal pile gone in a week with meds

AwdBovril Mon 25-Mar-19 14:55:57

Have you been able to "go" recently OP? Ithink in your position I would try to get a GP's appointment ASAP, or at least see a pharmacist, & tell them what the issue is, see what they recommend.

When you say you aren't pregnant, how sure are you? Are we talking relatively unlikely, or the second coming of the Messiah?

TheQueef Mon 25-Mar-19 14:57:39

Vaseline and glycerine suppository.

OhDiddums Mon 25-Mar-19 14:59:34

Drink warm water or orange juice.

BejamNostalgia Mon 25-Mar-19 15:00:39

Mix two teaspoons of salt with 1.5 litres of water and down it. Trust me, you’ll clear out.

Mookatron Mon 25-Mar-19 15:01:08

Orange juice with bits mixed with fizzy water.

Omzlas Mon 25-Mar-19 15:01:43

I was once so badly constipated (codeine induced) that I resorted to inserting my fingers into my vagina and easing backwards, essentially massaging the poo out from inside. It helped to push at the same time and eventually did move, it was painful though, I won't lie.

It wasn't pleasant but did help. I've made sure that I drink plenty of water since and it's never happened again.

Be careful about straining too hard, if you haven't got piles, you can cause them. If no better now, consult a Dr or a pharmacist at the very least.

sailorsdelight Mon 25-Mar-19 15:03:13

Drink drink drink! And then call 111

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace Mon 25-Mar-19 15:03:41

Could you try having a hot bath? I don't know why but that sometimes help.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace Mon 25-Mar-19 15:03:58

Sorry tried*

Hiddenaspie1973 Mon 25-Mar-19 15:05:59

Hot water bath

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