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To give MIL a big waxy cock for Christmas?

(228 Posts)
FestiveSchlong Wed 05-Dec-18 20:27:42

My family don’t have a lot of money and I’m quite crafty so I do home made presents a lot of the time. This year I thought it would be a nice idea to make a little hamper of home-made luxuries like truffles, soaps and bath bombs, and scented candles.

We all love Game of Thrones, so I thought it would be cool to make white candles with a blood red centre, and then carve it to look like one of the weirwood trees. So I made a lot of red, cinnamon scented wax and poured it into Molds made out of bog roll tubes.

The results were a bit lumpen, but not awful, but then I started coating the red wax with the white and now they look like a load of big pink veiny willies. Do you think I can salvage them? Or should I just give as is and pretend they’re meant to be erotic candles? They smell really nice but look horrible.

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream Wed 05-Dec-18 20:28:47

😂😂 they do look a bit strange but I'm sure she'd appreciate the trouble you've gone to!

EspressoButler Wed 05-Dec-18 20:29:13

The only salvaging involves melting and remoulding properly.
You cannot give someone a wonky veiny cock candle

kitkatsky Wed 05-Dec-18 20:29:23

MASSIVE kudos for making presents when you can't afford to buy any, but they look more like misshapen turds than cocks so give to your MIL by all means! X

Leobynature Wed 05-Dec-18 20:29:31

😂

Leobynature Wed 05-Dec-18 20:30:29

I would not say a word. Then if she says they look like a cock act all innocent and tell her she has a filthy mind

Walkerbean16 Wed 05-Dec-18 20:30:49

They look like something off an eating trial on Im a celeb. Sorry OP!

MyKingdomForBrie Wed 05-Dec-18 20:31:00

Could you start again with better moulds? Something like ice lolly moulds in two different sizes to get a nicer finish before you start carving..?

Letshopeitsallok Wed 05-Dec-18 20:31:10

The photos a bit dark. Can they be salvaged with a cutout of a dire wolf head and a “winter is coming” sign?

Sparkletastic Wed 05-Dec-18 20:31:24

Jesus Christ!

Kittykat93 Wed 05-Dec-18 20:31:24

Op take another photo with the flash on I need to see these more clearly!

Theyprobablywill Wed 05-Dec-18 20:31:29

Reminds me of the episode in Father Ted where they made candles out of Father Jack's ear wax.

Letshopeitsallok Wed 05-Dec-18 20:32:16

Or some leaves and a three-eyed raven?

AutumnCrow Wed 05-Dec-18 20:32:38

They are quite erm, extraordinarily visceral.

TeeBee Wed 05-Dec-18 20:32:38

They look like big fat spring rolls. grin

TheMagician Wed 05-Dec-18 20:33:49

lol at the sleb jungle fare. camel penis.

BeachtheButler Wed 05-Dec-18 20:33:56

Tell her they're authentic, traditional fragrance candles from [insert name of obscure location/island/country] and cost a bomb. Tell her David Attenborough's bathroom is full of them. Job done.

Letshopeitsallok Wed 05-Dec-18 20:33:58

I really do need to see a brighter picture. YABVU not to use a flash!

AckYourHole Wed 05-Dec-18 20:34:05

My eyes!

Iruka Wed 05-Dec-18 20:34:24

Can you carve them a bit?

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee Wed 05-Dec-18 20:35:52

Could you melt them into nice kilner jars and tie a festive ribbon around the top?

And just light them while watching fame of thrones?

Either that or same the dc made them (if you have any) then she won't be able to say anything bad and will have to keep a straight face!, grin

gaggiagirl Wed 05-Dec-18 20:36:51

Oh my goodness 😂😂😂. I would like one!

AutumnCrow Wed 05-Dec-18 20:37:27

I was thinking jars will have to be employed, Needcoffee, possibly very dark ones.

AutumnCrow Wed 05-Dec-18 20:38:42

Tbh, OP, I'd buy one of those off you. Nil desperandum and all that. grin

RayRayBidet Wed 05-Dec-18 20:39:07

Fucking hell, this thread is brilliant!
I can't stop laughing!
The title is fantastic!
There really should be more things shaped like veiny clocks!

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