Aibu to tell my daughter to hit a child a school for touching her

(371 Posts)
Stressedoutmamma Wed 24-Oct-18 15:22:05

My daughter is in reception 5 and is having issues with a boy in her class they have a carpet with pictures on it and they all have a spot the boy next to her is continually touching her, stroking her hair, face and her arms and legs and she has asked him to stop and I have been in and spoken to them about it and it's still happening almost 2 months later. The school don't seem to be doing much about they have spoken to him on several occasions and it hasn't stopped. Aibu to tell her to tell the teacher and if nothing is still done hit him? I Know it's trivial to some but this child is invading her personal space multiple times a day and of this were to happen to an adult I'm sure heads would roll.

OP’s posts: |
RedDrink Wed 24-Oct-18 15:24:14

That is creepy. You tried the proper channels, it didn't work, she has the right to defend herself.

TalkInRiddles Wed 24-Oct-18 15:24:58

Yabvu to tell her to hit him!!! What if he hit her back?

That's not the answer. Ask the teacher to separate them, surely they can move spots on the carpet? And have a word with the boys parents too.

But never condone violence

TidyDancer Wed 24-Oct-18 15:26:06

Have the school tried anything other than speaking to the boy? I would be asking them to take proper action like separating them.

Bloodybridget Wed 24-Oct-18 15:26:18

I don't think you should tell her to hit him, she would just get into trouble. Perhaps every time he starts touching her, she should get up and go to the teacher or TA, tell them what is happening and refuse to sit beside him for the rest of the session. Or has she already tried this?

TalkInRiddles Wed 24-Oct-18 15:26:20

@reddrink, surely not by smacking another child? Wtf??

DisrespectfulAdultFemale Wed 24-Oct-18 15:26:33

YABVU. Hitting is never a solution.


ThursdaysChildHasFarToGo Wed 24-Oct-18 15:26:55

My mother always told me... if someone hits you, hit them back and then go and tell a teacher... I'm not sure that's the advise I would give my daughter but I seldom had any problems at school 🤷‍♀️
As soon as he's doing it can she shout 'don't touch me' so the teacher and all other children hear? You can go into the school and tell them that's exactly what you e told her to do?

fannyanddick Wed 24-Oct-18 15:27:15

Ask the teacher to swap her spot.

Ladi85 Wed 24-Oct-18 15:29:07

Tell her to firmly shout stop touching me and to physically move away from him. That’s if the request to physically seperate them doesn’t work. I would also be going to the head if appropriate action isn’t taken.

gamerchick Wed 24-Oct-18 15:30:37

It's not creepy, it's a sensory thing and no he shouldn't be hit for it, they're bloody five years old hmm

Go down that route and it'll be your daughter in trouble.

Ask to move spots or even classrooms, she has the right to not be touched but not to hit someone.

MrsJayy Wed 24-Oct-18 15:30:41

Yes of course just get her to wallop him that won't get your daughter in trouble at all confused she does need to tell him to stop quite loudly and the teacher needs to keep them apart. Btw they are children 4/5 years old it isn't the same as adults touching they are just out of toddlerhood i fail to see how it is creepy

Howdoyoudoit31 Wed 24-Oct-18 15:30:53

The teachers should of separated them but yes I’d tell my daughter to hit him away every time he did it.
Why should she have to put up with that?

Firesuit Wed 24-Oct-18 15:31:01

If she were 10 or 15 hitting might be reasonable. I don't think a five-year-old boy would understand why he deserved that reaction. Mainly because he doesn't, it's not really the same issue as it would be if they were older.

RedDrink Wed 24-Oct-18 15:31:56

I said she has the right to defend herself, I didn't say she should go at his head like a pinata just cuz she feels like it. She shouldn't have to sit there and take it while nothing happens to him for touching her.

The rate of child on child sexual abuse has skyrocketed in the last few years and probably a lot of it started like this.

Glumglowworm Wed 24-Oct-18 15:32:06


Violence is never a solution. She’ll Just get herself in trouble.

Speak to the teacher again and ask that DD is moved away from this child, because talking to him hasn’t stopped the behaviour and DD is unhappy. Tell DD that every time he touches her, she needs to go and tell the teacher or TA.

It’s not acceptable for the boy to keep touching her but comparing it to adult behaviour is silly. An adult man touching a woman has a threatening sexual motive. A five year old boy touching a girl the same age is lacking boundaries and social skills.

BertrandRussell Wed 24-Oct-18 15:33:15

Directly ask the teacher to move her away from him. Don’t tell her to hit him- that will probably just escalate.

And no, it’s not creepy, ffs!

Laureline Wed 24-Oct-18 15:36:04

Not sure hitting is reasonnable as they are both quite small, but I totally sympathize.

I would be relentlessly on the teacher’s case every freaking day until my DD had been seated elsewhere. You’re being too nice and discrete, that’s why two months later they have still not acted. Become a pain in the neck.

Luxembourgmama Wed 24-Oct-18 15:38:13

Its not ideal but i would certainly be saying the same thing to my daugher in those circumstances. I never hit back at school and hugely regret it now.

Branleuse Wed 24-Oct-18 15:40:53

Can you help her deal with it better, by asking the teacher to move her away from this boy ?

I wouldnt tell her off if she did react to him necesaarily but i wouldnt be advising her to start hitting other childen in her class just yet either.

NailsNeedDoing Wed 24-Oct-18 15:43:18


Get her to practice saying 'stop touching me' and similar phrases in a loud, assertive voice, and remind her every morning before school what she has to do if she's touched in a way she doesn't like. Also encourage her to tell the teacher, and if you don't think enough is being done about it make a pest of yourself to the teacher.

Do not tell her that 'if nothing is done' she can hit. She will not be in a position to judge whether anything has been done or not and a small child does not deserve to be hit for being affectionate. Nor does your daughter deserve to be taught to be aggressive.

agnurse Wed 24-Oct-18 15:45:37

Hitting is not the answer.

I WOULD suggest that she'd be fully within her rights to block his hand or gently move it off her body. She also has the right to speak up and say LOUDLY "Please don't touch me". I say "loudly" because that will alert the teacher that something is up. I don't think it's unreasonable to disrupt the class in this case given that he is invading her space.

Almostfifty Wed 24-Oct-18 15:48:06

I'd tell her to speak loudly to him, but tell the class teacher that is what she will do and you don't expect her to get into trouble for it.

bershetmelon Wed 24-Oct-18 15:48:45

I wouldn't necessarily tell her to hit him but I wouldn't be mad if she did (I'd probably tell her that as well). I would ask the school, as they are aware of the issue and have failed to do anything, that this boy be moved and as other have suggested get her practicing saying 'stop touching me' in her loud voice.

posieperkinandpootle Wed 24-Oct-18 15:49:08

My DD has a boy expose himself to her in the playground last year (Scotland P5 so age 9) it was to deliberately intimidate her - think you're just a girl youre not getting to play with us boys on the monkey bars. She shouted "you are disgusting" loud enough for playground supervisor to hear, turned her back on him and walked away. He then, and I can only assume he thought he'd be in less trouble if he had a legitimate reason to have his penis out, urinated on the ground. When she came home she told me what happened and said he was in trouble and had received punishment for the urination but not for exposing himself. She asked me if what he did was a sex crime and while that's a very stark description I had to concede with her that yes he used his male sex organs to try and intimidate a female. She asked me to phone her headteacher to let him know that in her eyes she was victim of a sex crime and expected the boy to receive further punishment, which I did. I think it would have been wrong to minimise it or tell her to forget about it because she knows now she doesn't have to accept or turn a blind eye to anything she doesn't want to see/touch/do& no matter what I will support her. Everyone at school praised her and was very positive about how she handled it. I think you can give your DD ways to deal with this without hitting. Zero tolerance, every time he does it she should stand up move away and use the biggest voice she's got to say "stop touching me" or similar. Maybe a letter to her teacher letting her know you're encouraging her to assert herself to prevent unwanted male attention so she doesn't get made out to be the disruptive one.

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