Aibu to tell my daughter to hit a child a school for touching her

[Stressedoutmamma]

My daughter is in reception 5 and is having issues with a boy in her class they have a carpet with pictures on it and they all have a spot the boy next to her is continually touching her, stroking her hair, face and her arms and legs and she has asked him to stop and I have been in and spoken to them about it and it's still happening almost 2 months later. The school don't seem to be doing much about they have spoken to him on several occasions and it hasn't stopped. Aibu to tell her to tell the teacher and if nothing is still done hit him? I Know it's trivial to some but this child is invading her personal space multiple times a day and of this were to happen to an adult I'm sure heads would roll.

[abacucat]

Gotta Yes she did. She said to tell her DD the boy is just being friendly.

[RomanyRoots]

The boy who was like this to my dd was much older, but even then considering it was the time of puberty nobody reacted ott.

Like a pp said steps were taken to educate the boy, who was just trying to be nice and show he cared for my dd.
The SENCO stepped in and he had interventions to help him and last I heard he fully understood boundaries.
This little boy could have a sn, and even though I don't think the OP child should suck it up, there are some strange parents on here, who i pity their dc, being raised like extra special snowflakes, it's sad for the children.

[InsomniacAnonymous]

"We had a similar problem w ds2 and a little girl who "wanted to be his boyfriend"

Was that a typo or did she really want to be his boyfriend?

[Thisreallyisafarce]

Have you considered that maybe it's your child that has the problem? I know a few children who don't like any physical contact from other children, it can be just as telling as the child who is over touchy!

That is ridiculous. The child does not have to accept anybody touching her!

[PinkyU]

It’s neither up to your daughter or the little boy to manage this behaviour, it’s up to the adults around them.

Emphasise again to the teacher and head that this situation is having a negative impact on your daughter and you don’t want her to build negative associations with coming to school. Ask them what steps they are able to put in place in order to support both children to feel safe and have their needs met.

[BertrandRussell]

Why do people think there is nothing between her hitting him and her putting up with it? Of course she shouldn't put up with it!

[Stressedoutmamma]

Fallingat40 you a a horrible individual she is physically uncomfortable with being touched my this boy she is not allowed to move away shall we do something that makes you physically uncomfortable and tell you tough shit put up with it NO BECAUSE it is wrong to my knowledge she is the only person this is happening to not that I want another to be put through this
He isn't being nice though he's being mean I would never ask anyone to do something they are not happy with and tats what you are telling my daughter to do I will get my mother to go in tomorrow and tell them to sort it or I'm going the head
Some of these replys are why people are abused and they don't say anything about it

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I get it now. You're 'that mother' !
You don't want to teach your child any understanding of others with additional needs, you do want to teach them to hit out, you think it's ok to take a puppy onto school grounds, you believe everything your child tells you.As a teacher, if I moved every child away from others if they touched them, half the class would be sitting in the corridor! Have you considered that maybe it's your child that has the problem? I know a few children who don't like any physical contact from other children, it can be just as telling as the child who is over touchy!

So she's liar? She should put up with it because there might be some AN involved never mind a piece of blue tack or a soft toy could solve the problem. And actually the girl is the problem cos she doesn't like being touched? Wtf

[Oswin]

Failingat why on earth would you say the little fork is being silly not moving.
Wow. This shit starts fucking young.
She's not allowed to move. Fucks sake.

Romany how is it being nice to be touched daily for months when you have said no. This thread is awful. The girl should move. The girl is being silly.

Op I would ask for a meeting tomorrow after school. You need to make it clear that he is to be moved.

[tiggerkid]

I'd be careful there as you could be teaching your daughter that violence is a good way to solve problems. Imagine if she really hurts him or he hurts her by hitting her back. What will you say then? That you didn't mean she should hit him hard or that he started it?

At that age, I would continue the dialogue with the school and perhaps one of the solutions could be to ask the teachers to sit them as far away from each other as possible or maybe even move separate them into different groups?

[Marmie4]

Gottagetmoving - good post.
He is only 5, they are still learning at this age and he obviously isn't aware of social and physical boundaries.
Understandably your DD doesn't like it and she should feel comfortable sat with her classmates. The best solution would be to move him maybe near to the teacher or TA who can intervene.
I've watched small children sat together and it's common to touch one another, mostly its just learning about the feel of things and showing affection. It's not weird as some have suggested it's part of social development.

[RomanyRoots]

abacucat

The boy is probably just trying to be friendly, I know I'd be telling mine this rather than raising kids who are shit scared of somebody getting a bit close to them, or heaven forbid touching them.
A fine way to raise children, scare them to death.
That doesn't mean you don't speak to the school, it's not one or the other, you can do both, you know.

[MadameJosephine]

tell her he's just being friendly

Fuck that! We should not be telling little girls that they have to tolerate unwanted touching! I certainly wouldnt advocate violence but I’d make it clear to the teacher that you expect this to stop immediately or you’ll take it further

What did you say to the boys mother when he was touching upur dog OP? Perhaps that was an ideal opportunity to broach the subject with his mother?

[Weathermonger]

It works both ways. When my son was 8 or 9 a girl in his class had a big crush on him and was always trying to hug him when they were in the corridor or in the coat room (never in the classroom) He kept asking her to stop. She continued. I talked to the teacher, she apparently hadn't noticed. Eventually my son started gently pushing the child away when she tried to hug him. Not only was he uncomfortable with thecTtention, but his friends were teasing him about his "girlfriend". Then the girl started offering him money to get him to hug her. He still refused, the girl went away in tears. The next thing I know the girls mother is berating me in the parking lot because my son made her daughter cry. Apparently, he was expected to endure the unwanted touching because according to the mother her daughter was "going through a phase". So although I definitely don't agree with hitting, the issue isn't WHY the boy is touching her, but instead WHY has it been allowed to go on for so long.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

He could also he deliberately trying to be mean?

I was bullied in pre school ffs. They are perfectly capable of being mean to eachother at 5. Stop making excuses

[abacucat]

Yes true, they are capable of being mean to each other.

[Worriedmummybekind]

I’ve taught numerous children with ASD who had issues at this age with personal space and behaved similarly. It’s challenging and time consuming to help them stop this, but you do try and it does work but not in weeks. I would be v unimpressed if you told your daughter to hit a 5 year old....

[abacucat]

But as you can see even on this thread, many do not take this kind of thing seriously. Which is why OP as you have already talked to the teacher, I would tell her to hit him. Although I would also warn the teacher that I had told her to do that as the teacher does not seem able or willing to stop it happening.

[Oswin]

Soontobe I hope you are bullshitting about being a teacher because that post is fuming awful.
So the girl is either lying or there is something wrong with her for not wanting to be touched daily. Are you for real.

[Worriedmummybekind]

Complaining to the teacher- yes. Asking to move- yes. Telling him “No!”- yes. But hitting another young child isn’t a great suggestion.

[MrsJayy]

Some of these replys are why people are abused and they don't say anything about

I think this is a awful statement you are being hysterical not 1 person on this thread wants your daughter to be uncomfortable and unhappy with this little boy touching her

[Gottagetmoving]

Gotta Yes she did. She said to tell her DD the boy is just being friendly

That's not JUST what she said.

She said. Go back to school again and tell them it's bothering your child, there's not much they can do about it though.Tell dd to do the same back again, or tell her he's just being friendly

[Oswin]

Worried surely you would just move the boy first, it's when he is sat next to her he is doing it.

[abacucat]

worriedmummy This has been going on for two months. How long exactly should the 5 year old DD be expected to put up with this?

[fraggle84]

I'd email the school, keep a paper trail always help

Explain that you've spoken about this to the teacher and it's still happening

I'd ask them to sit him next to the teacher/assistant so they can support him