Aibu to tell my daughter to hit a child a school for touching her

[Stressedoutmamma]

My daughter is in reception 5 and is having issues with a boy in her class they have a carpet with pictures on it and they all have a spot the boy next to her is continually touching her, stroking her hair, face and her arms and legs and she has asked him to stop and I have been in and spoken to them about it and it's still happening almost 2 months later. The school don't seem to be doing much about they have spoken to him on several occasions and it hasn't stopped. Aibu to tell her to tell the teacher and if nothing is still done hit him? I Know it's trivial to some but this child is invading her personal space multiple times a day and of this were to happen to an adult I'm sure heads would roll.

[Birdsgottafly]

"The rate of child on child sexual abuse has skyrocketed in the last few years and probably a lot of it started like this."

No it doesn't.

posieperkinandpootle the school really let this boy down (as well as your DD). It should have been a safeguarding matter. Children learn sexually intimidating behaviour and at nine, that hasn't happened by accident.

If a child still hasn't learned boundaries, or needs extra supervision, they are normally sat close to the Teacher.

OP, if they were older, I'd agree with you, but 5 year old vary so much in development. She should shout "stop touching me" and a swipe of the hand away is acceptable. But you should say you want this to be dealt with, immediately. As any unwanted/inappropriate behaviour should be. Your DD shouldn't be made into a victim so they have an easy time.

[Lovemusic33]

Orch my dd’s have ASD too, my eldest had to have extra support to understand personal space after getting too close to people’s faces when talking. If the little girl feels uncomfortable something needs to be done wether he has SN’s or not.

[cantkeepawayforever]

Tell her to use her voice, assertively, EVERY time:
'Please don't touch me. I don't like it.'
Tell her to be polite, firm, and absolutely consistent. Never be silent, never deviate from the script, never escalate.

Explain to her teacher that she is going to do this. Explain that this may mean interruptions to the class, but that in this case 'being good and quiet' is allowing someone to do something to her that she doesn't like and they shouldn't be doing, so you are sure that the teacher will understand.

The behaviour will stop - if the child is able to respond to your DD's constant instruction, he eventually will. If he doesn't, or can't, then the problem will become sufficiently far up the teacher's 'to do' list that it will get sorted.

DS was physically bullied in Reception by a child half his size. We knew he couldn't hit back without being accused of being the bully. So I taught him to use his voice - loud statement when inside, shout when outside 'Please stop doing that X, I don't like it / it hurts'.

It was stopped, very quickly. The teacher couldn't believe that the small boy could be hurting DS (a gentle giant) so consistently and so sneakily.

[Stressedoutmamma]

Sorry was on school run it is socially unacceptable to touch another without consent and I found out today that this boy does have boundary issues and I carried my puppy into school and he wouldn't stop touching him even with me asking him to stop and moving the dog up and away his mother wasn't bothered with my nos. I do believe that comparing to a adult is ok because not all touching is sexual my neighbor it a toucher and I find it extremely uncomfortable myself my daughter is very outgoing and loud she has said no stop touching me and the teacher has said stop touching dd. They have never moved him or don't anything else. I don't want my daughter to be 'punished'by being moved and it would still happen to other children. I work early so I don't drop my daughter off 4 out of 5 days a week so hard to speak to them also the normal teacher is off for a few months due to a health problem. I will get my mother to tell them again tomorrow it's just frustrating for her. I don't believe hitting is always the answer but I'm angry for her and don't know another way to stop this without going to head or govener. If this was me and an other person if they continue to touch me after repeated Nos would hit them or push them. I just don't know how to fix this without causing a fight with teachers.

[abacucat]

Yes I would tell her to hit him. She needs to stand up for herself.

[OrchidInTheSun]

Yes absolutely Lovemusic. Which is why I said the boy should be moved. My son has to sit near the teacher and had a circle that he had to keep his arms and legs inside. He as also given a cat toy to stroke.

He stopped bothering the other children.

I get it's annoying but he is not aggressive nor is his behaviour sexually motivated. Monstering little boys is not at all helpful

[BigChocFrenzy]

If the teacher doesn't move her, then tell your DD to

stand up and move away immediately and say in a loud voice "stop touching me"

She should NOT be asked to tolerate being touched when she doesn't want to
That is teaching entirely the wrong habits
regardless of whether they are both only 5

[Menolly]

YABU to tell her to hit him. YWNBU to tell her to stand up and move to a different spot, or even to quietly go and sit in a different spot from the start and if questioned just to say 'I've moved because x won't stop touching me' If the school are aware and don't seem to be doing anything I would tell them that's what I'd told DD to do.

Stroking people and fiddling with hair is quite a common sensory thing, and the child probably isn't doing it deliberately to be annoying so doesn't really deserve to be hit for it. Your daughter shouldn't have to put up with it but at 4/5 years old it's not the same as if they were older and teaching her to hit when someone is annoying her would be a bad idea and likely to see you getting called into the school a lot.

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

Would you tell her to hit another girl? Because while it is totally unacceptable for school to allow this, at this age there is not a sexual motive and it's not fair to project this.

Agree with others that using her voice loudly and getting the school to move her as needed - and also to help him, if he's 5, he needs help too to understand boundaries.

[abacucat]

No it is not sexual behaviour, but it is clearly wrong.

[MrsJayy]

You can talk to the teachers without causing a fight you can be assertive without being confrontational just say he is upsetting her over and over again and ask what the school is going to do about it ? Btw was he the only child petting your puppy i bet he wasn't

[Cheby]

It is creepy and it’s definitely not ok. He is refusing to accept her boundaries despite repeated instruction. I agree with pp who say it’s aggressive. Girls should be taught from day 1 that their boundaries must not be violated and if they are, something will be done about it. And boys need to be taught that if they persist with physical contact after being told no then they will be in a heap of trouble.

[abacucat]

And IME children that don't learn to stand up for themselves are more likely to be bullied.
Agree with why should she move.

[BigChocFrenzy]

Same answer if it were a girl touching her or touching another boy
Not acceptable
The child responsible should be closely supervised, moved if need be
In the meantime, move away and "STOP TOUCHING ME"

[BlooperReel]

You need to establish with your daughter at this young age that unwanted touching is not to be tolerated, it will serve her well in years to come.

Get her to shout 'Stop touching me' very loudly when he does this again (no 'please' required), get the teachers attention. I would also be asking to speak to the head and want his parents informed, this cannot be allowed to go unchecked, he needs to learn to respect personal boundaries too.

[abacucat]

Those saying the girl should say - stop touching me. She already has said that multiple times and it has made no difference.

[RomanyRoots]

Aw, poor kid. My dd had a lad in her class do this, they were much older though, late juniors/secondary age.
I'd never encourage my child to be violent towards another, I wouldn't want her to be in trouble for something I told her to do.

Go back to school again and tell them it's bothering your child, there's not much they can do about it though.
Tell dd to do the same back again, or tell her he's just being friendly.

[Stressedoutmamma]

If it was another girl yes I would sex is not this issue I would also have a issue if my daughter was my son and a girl was doing it to him . She is not allowed to get up from her spot or she's on the sad face and she doesn't want that she doesn't want to hit him either it's just her voice isn't being heard. Even if there is sensory issues this still shouldn't happen it's a partial excuse but not a full one and the school should deal with that separately this is about my daughters feelings not thejuay the boys is he does have issues

[abacucat]

FFS don't tell your DD to basically put up with it

[BarbarianMum]

Hitting should be the last resort. Before that try:

• telling the teacher to separate them at carpet time/not seat them together.
  
• tell your dd to shout "stop" and move away every time he starts (and if the teacher had a problem with that Id go to the head).
  

We had a similar problem w ds2 and a little girl who "wanted to be his boyfriend" in reception. She kept on kissing and cuddling him which he hated. School didnt take it seriously til she gave him a black eye for refusing to kiss her. In retrospect I should have told him to push her away sooner but she was tiny, half his size.

[RomanyRoots]

Gosh, some of these replies are just awful, it's a small child who will experience violence for being nice.
I'm glad I don't have little ones to have to be so ott with small children.
I can't believe this.

[abacucat]

Romany I think your reply of she should basically put up with it is awful.