Aibu to tell my daughter to hit a child a school for touching her

[Stressedoutmamma]

My daughter is in reception 5 and is having issues with a boy in her class they have a carpet with pictures on it and they all have a spot the boy next to her is continually touching her, stroking her hair, face and her arms and legs and she has asked him to stop and I have been in and spoken to them about it and it's still happening almost 2 months later. The school don't seem to be doing much about they have spoken to him on several occasions and it hasn't stopped. Aibu to tell her to tell the teacher and if nothing is still done hit him? I Know it's trivial to some but this child is invading her personal space multiple times a day and of this were to happen to an adult I'm sure heads would roll.

[Weathermonger]

Normally I wouldn't condone hitting, but in this case if the boy continues to touch her, she is in her rights to swat his arm away. Even at the age of 5, if you have been told by both another child AND a teacher not to touch said child then he definitely knows he shouldn't be doing it. Why should she sit there and endure unwanted touching ? I don't care if he 5, 15 or 50 he needs to learn that no means NO.

[BewareOfDragons]

The teacher needs to move her spot immediately.

Your Daughter is being touched and stroked by another child without her permission and he isn't stopping when he's asked to.

You have a right to teach your child to not accept unwanted touching from ANYbody, including another child.

The school needs to support your message.

And I would go up the food chain if it's not addressed immediately.

(I would also probably put them on notice that I would be giving my daughter to push him away or hit him if the behaviour isn't stopped.)

[WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree]

I agree that a very strong, loud "stop touching me" every time it happens is part of the answer.

Alongside going into school and insisting that he is told and taught to respect her right not to be touched by him, and as he appears unable to do that is not allowed to sit near her.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

How confident is she?

I've would tell her just to yell "stop touching me" every time he does it and tell her that you will deal with the teacher of it comes to it.

She shouldn't have to put up witg that and I hope the parents are working on getting him to pack it in.

[OutPinked]

Encouraging your five year old to hit another five year old, lovely . It isn’t creepy, the boy is five.

Go in and speak to the teachers again, ask for her to switch to the other class if necessary.

[AllTakenSoRubbishUsername]

Why would it be OK to hit him? Would you hit the teacher because they didn't do anything about it? They're only little. Take it up with the Head if the teacher still won't do anything about it.

[Tomatoesrock]

Ywbvu to encourage a 5 year old to hit another child ffs. Ask the teacher to move her.

My DD used to stroke classmates hair, it was a sensory issue, she has a squishy thing to stroke now.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Go in and speak to the teachers again, ask for her to switch to the other class if necessary

Why on earth should she be moved

[Weathermonger]

What I find interesting is that the general consensus is to ask the teacher to move the OP's child to a different spot. Not only could that imply she is somehow in the wrong, it also fails to address the boy's behaviour. So they swap kids around and maybe he decides to start touching the next girl who sits beside him. Are they going to just keeping move the girls around instead of dealing with the aggressor. Yes I know he's only 5 but his refusal to accept common boundaries at that age is aggressive.

[Havaina]

Go in and speak to the teachers again, ask for her to switch to the other class if necessary.

Why should the girl move classes? Let the touchy boy move.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Yes I know he's only 5 but his refusal to accept common boundaries at that age is aggressive

I agree

There's always an excuse. He's five, he's only 7, he's parebts are divorced, his hamster died

It's never the right time or the right age or the right circumstances for someone to be out right pissed off and uncomfortable with another kids behaviour

[Racecardriver]

Why not give her a knife to bring into school with her invade the hitting doesn’t work?

If it bothers her that much just ask the school to separate them.

[StormCloudsDoClear]

I'd tell her to shout "don't touch me" every time he touches her. Teacher will soon get fed up of the distraction and disruption to carpet time and separate them.

[MrsJayy]

Somebody up thread said she could swat his hand away that is a better thing to teach her than just telling her to hit him because if she just hits him then it will fall back on your Dd, but the boy just needs to be sat elsewhere keep at the teacher.

[MondayImInLove]

Yes teach her to say very loudly «do not touch me» every single time. If he doesn’t stop maybe tell her to stand up and directly ask the teacher or TA to «please remove boy x as he is touching me again»

[mbosnz]

I think it's a fairly slippery slope and sets a dangerous precedent to tell her to hit him. Personally I'd be telling her to say VERY loudly, 'STOP TOUCHING ME. I'VE ASKED YOU BEFORE, AND NOW I'M TELLING YOU TO STOP TOUCHING ME. NOW.'

I'd also be telling the teacher that this was what she has been instructed to do, and that I expect them to support her and reinforce that message to the other child if they hear her saying that. I'd also be pointing out that they're a hell of a lot less likely to be in that position if they adopt a few common sense measures like seating that little boy well away from your daughter.

It's not just about your daughter having her right NOT to be touched when she doesn't want to be acknowledged and reinforced, but this little boy needs to learn that he is not allowed to touch people against their will and if he does that there will be consequences.

[Tomatoesrock]

If it is going on 2 months I would be marching up to the school. Do you know his DM. The teacher really should have separated them by now, how many times have you reported this. I think you have a Teacher problem too.

[LittleMissPonsible]

Insist that they move one or both of the children immediately. I agree with you that this is invasion of her personal space and should not be tolerated, but she will get in more trouble for hitting than he is apparently getting in for touching.

I can understand why you’re so annoyed, in not dealing with this properly they are unintentionally implying that your daughter has no say in what happens to her body, which is horrifying.

[Lovemusic33]

They are 5, I don’t think it’s creepy or sexual, he’s 5 and probably a bit over friendly or has some sensory issues? Hitting him is not the solution.

Talk to the teacher again and explain that your dd feels uncomfortable, maybe they need to do some work with the little boy on boundaries and personal space.

[OrchidInTheSun]

Ah I see the famous tolerance for additional needs on MN is all over this thread 

One of my children is autistic and used to do that. He's not aggressive; he's autistic 

Having said that, he was moved, not the children he couldn't help stroking. OP - speak to the school again. Don't tell your child to hit him

[Birdsgottafly]

"The rate of child on child sexual abuse has skyrocketed in the last few years and probably a lot of it started like this."

No it doesn't.

posieperkinandpootle the school really let this boy down (as well as your DD). It should have been a safeguarding matter. Children learn sexually intimidating behaviour and at nine, that hasn't happened by accident.

If a child still hasn't learned boundaries, or needs extra supervision, they are normally sat close to the Teacher.

OP, if they were older, I'd agree with you, but 5 year old vary so much in development. She should shout "stop touching me" and a swipe of the hand away is acceptable. But you should say you want this to be dealt with, immediately. As any unwanted/inappropriate behaviour should be. Your DD shouldn't be made into a victim so they have an easy time.