I’m Trans, Here’s My Story

[SnugPeach]

Hi I’m Trans, I know I’m essentially coming into what some would consider the wolf’s den by coming here to make a post. But I’m also a strong believer in trying to help people to understand and am happy to explain my story and experiences if it helps to enhance others understanding.

I kind want this thread to be AMA but also to give a bit of backstory. Now I know some of you are going to hear the next few thing. I say an immediately just tell I’m confused or misled, but yes I have Autism. I was diagnosed at a young age, but Autism is just one part of me. Had being Autistic affected my gender? Maybe who knows, I am me, Autism is not something separate thing that it’s me.

Anyway I’ll try not to waffle as I do tend too. I’m currently 28, have been DIYing for 1 and half years. Have everything updated and changed, Name, Passport etc. I also extensively researched everything I could on HRT over the years as the NHS system takes year and years to be seen.

During Childhood really I was I guess you could say less aware of ‘gender’ than my peers as I was for most things. I was heavily bullied at school by the boys for being ‘weird’, they’d call me ‘gay’ not that I understood what that meant but I doubt they did either, it was the early 2000s afterall. Where as on the other hand I was quite friendly with the girls, they didn’t bully me and treated me often with compassion and I’d enjoy spending time with them. Unfortunately even they would get bullied from time to time for associating with me. The boys often disdained at my lack of interest in football or other ‘boy’ things. Instead I loved working out technology how things worked, along with people. Despite being Autistic I have always been fairly sociable even if it’s been riddled with difficulties and learn curves and I still struggle with that today, but I love connecting with people and sharing feelings.

Skip forward to Secondary School and here is where a few things happen. I’m still very behind my peers in my understanding of allot of things. My feelings on my gender are neutral are based purely on fact of I am what I am because how can I not be. It did learn about Transgender people but it didn’t still click for me. I remained still extremely cautious of the boys but was more of a loner. I wanted more girl friends but the social dynamic had changed. I viewed most of the boys as idiots and bafoons. They would do the dumbest stuff like all this stupid competitive crap and honestly a majority of time I found myself sharing my female peers feelings towards them. It was around this time I found myself more aligned with Femininity and started to self describe as a feminine-guy. But still I would be considerate and respectful towards the girls who knew saw me as a boy even if not the same. Afterall who could blame them when I myself felt the same way. My Mum taught be about the day to day struggles women deal with and I very much took that to heart. Honestly the way some of the boys acted towards girls in my class outright appalled me. I became invested in Feminism and equal rights which also spanned I to my experience with Autism and my own femininity (which had been policed just in the opposite direction, aka made fun of/discouraged). In the later years of Sixth Form I became friendly finally with people again after some therapy which also arose from me being on my own (was supported by a ta for most of my schooling, we had an autism centre in the school I went too) I grew very close to the girls in the group we would natter and gossip about all sorts. I kinda felt honoured that they considered me trustworthy enough to include in conversations they didn’t include the two other guys in. Also around this time people started asking me if I was Gay I was mostly confused, because I wasn’t Gay, Asexual yes technically (but did not have word for that yet), But not gay. I liked Women but romantically only.

Fast forward it’s university and I became a sort of shut in again. I commented to Uni and after my first year I hated the course. But my Mum refused to let me take a break or quit as by the time I’d had enough I was ‘halfway’ so her logic was to push through. Not that my degree has done anything for me. Anyway this is where feelings first started. Now in my early 20s I was finally catching up to my peers not that I’ve ever full caught up. I was fully realised as a feminine guy, however that never felt right. I also still felt outcast for this. That’s when I finally started to explore gender. Upon turning 18 I hate being called a Man and tried desperately to get people to call me a Guy as it felt less Man more neutral. So I after university came out as non-binary, I started to pass my nails get my hair dyed, But it still didn’t feel right. My Mum supported me until I bought a Jumper from the women's section. I cared deeply about my mum and her backlash was enough to push me back in the closet back to bring a feminine guy, but now my mum instead of being sensitive around my gender, it felt like she empathised my manners, which honestly disgusted me. I near had a referral for the gender clinic back here but due to this I basically let it go. One of things that made me so happy was just how unmanly I was including the fact I didn’t start growing any sort of facial hair until I was in my mid 20s and I grew and kept my hair long and it made me so so happy. Anyway back I went for a few years.

Then after finding out about Femboys it all came back, maybe this is what I am. But I quickly came to the conclusion again this was not right. I realised deep down I wished I where born a girl. I had thought that my childhood would have been easier if I was, the my behaviours would have been more acceptable. Which bought me great internal conflict. Afterall I’m a feminist. I adore the women in my life and my immediate reaction was one of disgust and hate for myself. How could I feel this way when I knew full well I struggle women have to deal with, the stereotypes my femininity fell into, the fact I could be a man and be all these things. I had a privilege one that I understood yet never felt, because I completely hated everything about being a man. So many parts of myself were restrained or restricted and I felt completely uncomfortable with myself. It turned out I was asexual for example because I couldn’t see myself as a man in situation like that ever. Still I spent the next 2 years fighting over all this with myself internally. I’d let my mum know and our relationship soured even more so because it. Over the course of the 2 years I fought with myself daily over my feelings, one side of me telling me what I was feeling was an offence to the women (cis and trans) I cared about. The other side in full acceptance that I did feel this way. I’d give away anything ANYTHING to have been born in a body that matched my mind. Again I don’t want to be a Male, full stop. I always have felt more female than male and why that’s something that’s not easily explained it’s just how I genuinely feel. All the acknowledgment and beliefs about you don’t have to be a girl to be feminine don’t seem to matter the logic doesn’t apply to that feeling.

Eventually with the support of some friends I finally go back to get a referral. Meanwhile completely separate thing but my Mums health was getting worse. She had Breast Cancer on and off since I was young also. I 2023 she was finally made terminal after over 23 years since her first diagnose (probably 5ish years of remission between first first and follow ups). Her being made terminal was a big wake up call for me for many things include this situation. For a while the debate stopped in my head because it was filled with worry about her but once that eased off (she lived about a year longer than they predicted) it all came back and hit me really hard. I was training 27 at the end of year. I was miserable my body disgusted me and I didn’t want to waste anymore time wondering if HRT would help and if it would allow me to finally put to bed some of my feelings. So I started to DIY just before my 27th birthday. I felt a tonne better within the two weeks and despite the fact it’s not like a magic bullet pill that took away all my dysphoria and stuff it’s helped to insane degree. My Mum obviously did not support me which was hard and broke my heart deeply since she was the women I have always looked up the most in my life. That all it’s own story really.

Right now I’m sort of back I a bad way. Sure due to my Autism amongst other things I still have allot of mental health issues. I’ve never worked, have allot of anxiety, issues with depression but again I had these before transition and arguably they where better and being more manageable after until the Court Ruling early this year. Since that ruling I have been referred and put back into Therapy again because of the effect it’s had on me amongst other stuff going on. I’m honestly terrified of what it all means. All I want is to live my life in peace as myself. I know you’re all going to have different views on what that should look like but all I ask is to have some empathy. I’m literally scared, I just want to be like any other woman and get on with my life. Instead it feels like the whole world is crumbling around me and people view me as undesirable, undeserving and less of a person. Tell me who would sign on to feel like this?

it’s just so hard for me. I’m not even sure if what I’ve said is any good but I’ve just tried to describe best I can my experience and how I feel. I wish you all a pleasant day and please feel free to ask anything. Also apologises for any bad grammar/spelling mistakes, Dyslexic too.

To be a phobia, it has to be irrational. What is irrational about being scared of a man who insists he's a woman and you must believe him and not your lying eyes, and forces his way into women's intimate spaces?

I'm not sure around stats etc, but I think you'll find that male on male assaults on male toilets is very rare, and probably most likely to occur in pubs and clubs where alcohol and drugs is involved, and so around night-time.

Therefore I think the OP would be quite safe in the men's toilets.

Whereas sexual assaults by men in women's toilets happens at any time of the day at any location.

Transmen are welcome in women's facilities as long as they are still identifiable as a biological woman.

Are you going to ask them to drop their knickers to prove they are a woman?

Better you than me.

No, there’s no law enforceable against a man using the women’s toilet in the UK per se, distinct from crimes like public indecency, voyeurism etc.

I won’t have it said that I don’t care. I’m probably gonna get crucified for reengaging but I pride myself on my honesty and the simple fact was your situation was overwhelming for me to try and respond too. As I know what I will say will not make it better and you will hate what I feel. But try I shall.

Firstly what you went through is awful. I’m so sorry you had to experience such a dreadful traumatic event. Given your view of me the next line will probably be turned around in my face but I will say it because it’s true. Men don’t listen to word no. It’s disgusting and despicable they think they can just do anything and that their mindset is ‘she says no but she wants it really’ it’s outright disgusting.

Do I believe Trans Women should be barred from rape crisis/survivors groups no I don’t. Where I and the majorly of people here in this thread disagree is on the issue of if Trans Women are Women or not. I believe so yes, which again call me a hypocrite because I am Trans myself. But yes I to me am a women, why should I not be able to access these services? The main reason to you all is because you fundamentally view me as nothing more than a male and nothing we can talk about will change that.

I don’t have a strictly male body. First off im going to be very blunt. I fully intend to have bottom surgery, the thing that holds that up is waiting to get stuff done. However not every trans women wants to have bitten surgery and I respect that it doesn’t detract from them as women. I have D Cup sized Breasts. I’m not trying to push you out of anything or override you. I want us to be equal. That includes having consideration for our differences, as women.

Lastly I don’t set the guidance this is just an opinion. When it comes to things like that yes it’s on the provider to decide and yes you are correct that a single sex exemption can be made. But until recently that was at the discretion of the body in charge of that. Now we’re just blanket taking away the ability for trans women to be in any female space even if everybody who uses that space is in agreement about it.

I don’t think people will like what I have said but that’s what I feel as has every other reponce been. I just want to be honest and down to earth with my feelings and not lie about who I am or what I feel.

So we have the mad situation where men are not supposed to entre women's safe spaces but if they do, that's fine unless they are convicted of assault?

Shoplifting, not wearing a seatbelt, drink driving to name a few, can lead to instant arrest and charge. Violating single sex spaces is harder to enforce. Strange times.

I knew we'd get the anti-trans and transphobia accusations thrown out by Tiprrr because that is all they have got to try and shut people up.

For information Tiprrr women and girls having rights, having the rights to single sex spaces, services and sports free of all and any male people however said males identify or feel about themselves, retaining language specific to females, retaining the legal rights of female homosexuals to be just that is not anti-trans or transphobic and if you think it is there is then you are the one with seriously problematic, misogynist and male supremacist views.

OP, I posted earlier in the thread to say that you seem desperate for acceptance, and to belong to a clearly labelled group. Trying to be "female" is really not going to achieve that for you, quite the opposite. Please be very careful not to mess up the delicate balance of the perfectly good body you have.

You're wrong if you think that once you achieve your best approximation of womanhood, you will suddenly feel as though you fit in and life will be much easier. Nothing could be further from the truth. It might feel as though you're aligning your outer world with your inner one, but this is a dangerous delusion with often irreversible consequences.

I'll let you into a secret: NO ONE ever achieves that wonderful feeling of belonging wherever they go. Most of us are confused about who we are and feel socially awkward. We all face rejection and hostility to varying degrees, on a daily basis. Being female from birth doesn't spare us any of that. Playing at being female is not the cure-all solution you hope for. You can only find peace within yourself, not by meddling with Nature.

I couldn't be bothered to read the first post let alone the whole thread, but can I just ask?

OP - why do you think you hae anything to add that we haven't heard many times before?
OP - the world has always been divided by sex, not gender identity. Why should we change that now?
MN - is there anything of value in the OP?

But with all due respect, this reply, unequivocally identifies you as male.

You can have the biggest bottom in the world and the biggest boobs but it won't change your chromosomes and make you a woman.

I want us to be equal. That includes having consideration for our differences, as women.

FFS! You will never be a woman and cannot be the same = equal to a bio woman.

Get some psych help and forget about abusing your body to try to make you feel 'more of a woman'.

You're a very muddled up young man.

but I pride myself on my honesty

Says the man calling himself a woman

Yes it seems unlikely he’d get beaten up on the men’s in John Lewis, he might get a funny look but I’m not sure nowadays, people are a lot more accepting of people dressing unusually.

@SnugPeach you DO NOT have a right to access women’s spaces including changing rooms, toilets, rape and dv survivor groups and any group for
women only. The law is clear on that and you’d be breaking the law to go against that. Not to mention angering and pissing off the women around you.
(who are silent not because you pass or because they don’t care but because they’re avoiding conflict with a grown ass man)

Oh look, another attempt at a gotcha! What is it with transactivists and their obsession with genitals? As if we cannot tell sex from face, hips, voice, gait, hands, etc. They also seem to acknowledge that trans people break the law and invade spaces they are lawfully excluded from and ignore women’s boundaries - all exactly the sort of actions that make them a risk to women and should invite much closer scrutiny of their activities by the police.

No one is saying that male people shouldn’t have any access to rape crisis services at all. Just to clear up that little straw man.

I have D Cup sized Breasts.

I take it all back. I am now thoroughly convinced that you are indeed a woman and should definitely be in women's spaces.

At Málaga Airport.

There is - it is sexual harassment.

bottom surgery.

Oh OP they aren't operating on your bottom.

They will be castrating you and then inverting your penis to make it into a dead end tube in a gap they forced to exist in between your internal bits.

That tube will not be self lubricating, and you'll be shoving a dilator up it for many hours over many months just to try and stop it healing.

You'll likely have no depth to it, probably won't experience any sexual pleasure from it, (and it will not ever be a vagina) and it's not self cleaning.

If you're lucky it won't start to rot and fall apart.

If you're lucky you won't spend the rest of your life with urinary incontinence, unlike the men who constantly smell of pee after this surgery.

Good luck.

You'll need it.

There are women who have had years of male hormones who have beards, deeper voices and other signs of being male.

It's not a 'gotcha' attempt but a real observation.

You're trying to tell me that glancing at a trans man entering women's loos who looks very much like a man is going to be very obviously female?

I doubt it very much.

Stop the 'activist' label too.

I'm a middle aged woman who defends my right to a space.

If you can't understand that, tough.

Do I believe Trans Women should be barred from rape crisis/survivors groups no I don’t.

They aren't. They're just barred from ones designated for women. They can use ones gor men, unisex ones or set up their own services just like women had to.

I have D Cup sized Breasts

You have moobs, just like one of the elderly men at my morning swim session. Doesn’t make you a woman.

A very tall woman with unusually large feet who has worked out a lot and developed shoulder and chest muscles and grown a heavy beard might pass as a transman at first glance.

Most transmen, 5'5" or less, female hips and gait, size 6 feet, small hands, will be obviously female no matter how thick her beard or short her hair.