I’m Trans, Here’s My Story

[SnugPeach]

Hi I’m Trans, I know I’m essentially coming into what some would consider the wolf’s den by coming here to make a post. But I’m also a strong believer in trying to help people to understand and am happy to explain my story and experiences if it helps to enhance others understanding.

I kind want this thread to be AMA but also to give a bit of backstory. Now I know some of you are going to hear the next few thing. I say an immediately just tell I’m confused or misled, but yes I have Autism. I was diagnosed at a young age, but Autism is just one part of me. Had being Autistic affected my gender? Maybe who knows, I am me, Autism is not something separate thing that it’s me.

Anyway I’ll try not to waffle as I do tend too. I’m currently 28, have been DIYing for 1 and half years. Have everything updated and changed, Name, Passport etc. I also extensively researched everything I could on HRT over the years as the NHS system takes year and years to be seen.

During Childhood really I was I guess you could say less aware of ‘gender’ than my peers as I was for most things. I was heavily bullied at school by the boys for being ‘weird’, they’d call me ‘gay’ not that I understood what that meant but I doubt they did either, it was the early 2000s afterall. Where as on the other hand I was quite friendly with the girls, they didn’t bully me and treated me often with compassion and I’d enjoy spending time with them. Unfortunately even they would get bullied from time to time for associating with me. The boys often disdained at my lack of interest in football or other ‘boy’ things. Instead I loved working out technology how things worked, along with people. Despite being Autistic I have always been fairly sociable even if it’s been riddled with difficulties and learn curves and I still struggle with that today, but I love connecting with people and sharing feelings.

Skip forward to Secondary School and here is where a few things happen. I’m still very behind my peers in my understanding of allot of things. My feelings on my gender are neutral are based purely on fact of I am what I am because how can I not be. It did learn about Transgender people but it didn’t still click for me. I remained still extremely cautious of the boys but was more of a loner. I wanted more girl friends but the social dynamic had changed. I viewed most of the boys as idiots and bafoons. They would do the dumbest stuff like all this stupid competitive crap and honestly a majority of time I found myself sharing my female peers feelings towards them. It was around this time I found myself more aligned with Femininity and started to self describe as a feminine-guy. But still I would be considerate and respectful towards the girls who knew saw me as a boy even if not the same. Afterall who could blame them when I myself felt the same way. My Mum taught be about the day to day struggles women deal with and I very much took that to heart. Honestly the way some of the boys acted towards girls in my class outright appalled me. I became invested in Feminism and equal rights which also spanned I to my experience with Autism and my own femininity (which had been policed just in the opposite direction, aka made fun of/discouraged). In the later years of Sixth Form I became friendly finally with people again after some therapy which also arose from me being on my own (was supported by a ta for most of my schooling, we had an autism centre in the school I went too) I grew very close to the girls in the group we would natter and gossip about all sorts. I kinda felt honoured that they considered me trustworthy enough to include in conversations they didn’t include the two other guys in. Also around this time people started asking me if I was Gay I was mostly confused, because I wasn’t Gay, Asexual yes technically (but did not have word for that yet), But not gay. I liked Women but romantically only.

Fast forward it’s university and I became a sort of shut in again. I commented to Uni and after my first year I hated the course. But my Mum refused to let me take a break or quit as by the time I’d had enough I was ‘halfway’ so her logic was to push through. Not that my degree has done anything for me. Anyway this is where feelings first started. Now in my early 20s I was finally catching up to my peers not that I’ve ever full caught up. I was fully realised as a feminine guy, however that never felt right. I also still felt outcast for this. That’s when I finally started to explore gender. Upon turning 18 I hate being called a Man and tried desperately to get people to call me a Guy as it felt less Man more neutral. So I after university came out as non-binary, I started to pass my nails get my hair dyed, But it still didn’t feel right. My Mum supported me until I bought a Jumper from the women's section. I cared deeply about my mum and her backlash was enough to push me back in the closet back to bring a feminine guy, but now my mum instead of being sensitive around my gender, it felt like she empathised my manners, which honestly disgusted me. I near had a referral for the gender clinic back here but due to this I basically let it go. One of things that made me so happy was just how unmanly I was including the fact I didn’t start growing any sort of facial hair until I was in my mid 20s and I grew and kept my hair long and it made me so so happy. Anyway back I went for a few years.

Then after finding out about Femboys it all came back, maybe this is what I am. But I quickly came to the conclusion again this was not right. I realised deep down I wished I where born a girl. I had thought that my childhood would have been easier if I was, the my behaviours would have been more acceptable. Which bought me great internal conflict. Afterall I’m a feminist. I adore the women in my life and my immediate reaction was one of disgust and hate for myself. How could I feel this way when I knew full well I struggle women have to deal with, the stereotypes my femininity fell into, the fact I could be a man and be all these things. I had a privilege one that I understood yet never felt, because I completely hated everything about being a man. So many parts of myself were restrained or restricted and I felt completely uncomfortable with myself. It turned out I was asexual for example because I couldn’t see myself as a man in situation like that ever. Still I spent the next 2 years fighting over all this with myself internally. I’d let my mum know and our relationship soured even more so because it. Over the course of the 2 years I fought with myself daily over my feelings, one side of me telling me what I was feeling was an offence to the women (cis and trans) I cared about. The other side in full acceptance that I did feel this way. I’d give away anything ANYTHING to have been born in a body that matched my mind. Again I don’t want to be a Male, full stop. I always have felt more female than male and why that’s something that’s not easily explained it’s just how I genuinely feel. All the acknowledgment and beliefs about you don’t have to be a girl to be feminine don’t seem to matter the logic doesn’t apply to that feeling.

Eventually with the support of some friends I finally go back to get a referral. Meanwhile completely separate thing but my Mums health was getting worse. She had Breast Cancer on and off since I was young also. I 2023 she was finally made terminal after over 23 years since her first diagnose (probably 5ish years of remission between first first and follow ups). Her being made terminal was a big wake up call for me for many things include this situation. For a while the debate stopped in my head because it was filled with worry about her but once that eased off (she lived about a year longer than they predicted) it all came back and hit me really hard. I was training 27 at the end of year. I was miserable my body disgusted me and I didn’t want to waste anymore time wondering if HRT would help and if it would allow me to finally put to bed some of my feelings. So I started to DIY just before my 27th birthday. I felt a tonne better within the two weeks and despite the fact it’s not like a magic bullet pill that took away all my dysphoria and stuff it’s helped to insane degree. My Mum obviously did not support me which was hard and broke my heart deeply since she was the women I have always looked up the most in my life. That all it’s own story really.

Right now I’m sort of back I a bad way. Sure due to my Autism amongst other things I still have allot of mental health issues. I’ve never worked, have allot of anxiety, issues with depression but again I had these before transition and arguably they where better and being more manageable after until the Court Ruling early this year. Since that ruling I have been referred and put back into Therapy again because of the effect it’s had on me amongst other stuff going on. I’m honestly terrified of what it all means. All I want is to live my life in peace as myself. I know you’re all going to have different views on what that should look like but all I ask is to have some empathy. I’m literally scared, I just want to be like any other woman and get on with my life. Instead it feels like the whole world is crumbling around me and people view me as undesirable, undeserving and less of a person. Tell me who would sign on to feel like this?

it’s just so hard for me. I’m not even sure if what I’ve said is any good but I’ve just tried to describe best I can my experience and how I feel. I wish you all a pleasant day and please feel free to ask anything. Also apologises for any bad grammar/spelling mistakes, Dyslexic too.

"Changing Rooms. On this I will speak how I feel personally. I would not get changed in front of other women regardless. Unless the space was only filled with people I personally knew and am comfortable changing in front of, who where also comfortable with me being present. If changing rooms are sealed cubicles I don’t see a problem."

That is because you have this view that all female people's activities happen within the cubicle.

It doesn't . Even when there are cubicles in changing rooms and toilets, female people need all the public space to be female only.

There are posts about this earlier in this thread for you to read and understand that your narrow perspective on this is just false.

Genuine question OP- when choosing clothes, do you opt for dresses, frills, flowers… basically very feminine stuff?

I ask because, as I stated earlier, when it comes to everyday clothes, I’m the most unfeminine person you could imagine. I wear jeans or cargo joggers and a hoodie. I assume that you would never choose clothes than don’t support your female persona? Because I’m a female, and happy to be one, yet I don’t dress as such.
To be female doesn’t mean long hair and girlie clothes.
It’s always fascinate me that trans people have this assumption that all women are dancing around in floaty dresses and frills and love make-up. A lot of us don’t.

I’m sorry you feel so confused, but you are not a woman. I’m sorry.

I’ll ask again, as it’s fundamental to your argument, and we alllllll want to know: What is a woman?

Posting here feels like self-destructive behaviour

Not sure ‘self-destructive’ is how it is normally referred to….

This is all well and good but I just don’t want to be in certain spaces with biological males. End of. No further discussion needed. Don’t need to explain myself further. You think we need to justify. We don’t. No is a sentence.

Don’t care if no advantage for the males (there always is but regardless), don’t care if they are sealed cubicles (which are actually very dangerous for women which you would understand if you were biologically female) and ‘culture wars’ is an exceedingly overused and meaningless phrase. Please read these replies and have a rethink about your position.

wrong thread

Being afraid of men is not an entry-ticket to a women's toilet.

Frankly I don't think at this point anyone gives a stuff whether you're scared of men in men's toilets - not bathroom.

I actually think you're in the US, given that you misspelled Hampstead and have been talking about Roe vs Wade, which is irrelevant to anyone in the UK, along with your weird timezone issue, but ... anyway...

So if a women was SA by another women then they would be allowed to use the mens?

OP I sincerely hope that one day you will have the emotional and intellectual maturity to come back back to this thread and read it with a more open mind and try to learn from all the replies you have received. It will make you a better and healthier human, a better man.

Because all you show now is a selfish, entitled DOMINANT attitude. A male attitude.

*I use the women’s toilets and have been doing without issue for the last year or so. I got direct to the female toilets by female and male staff when visiting places. I have never felt safe around men to begin with in the past but I feel giga unsafe.

To put women in a position where we feel threatened and/or cowed or by your presence is frankly despicable. You only get away with it because you are male and women know that men can easily over power us physically.

You don’t have to be a bully. You say you dislike men and yet you behave like one by dominating women not respecting us. You are perpetuating the abuse you have suffered and doing it to women. It’s no wonder we are disappointed and angry and don’t fawn over you despite your emotional struggles. We have heard it and seen it before. Have proper therapy, challenge yourself, challenge what men are. Be what you want a man to be.

Single sex spaces are for everyone’s safety, privacy and dignity. It demeans and reduces you as a human being when you dominate and oppress women by invading our single sex spaces. Develop your sense of dignity (and empathy) by not being an abusive man. Be a genuinely good one instead.

So you're afraid of men in toilets as you were sexually assaulted, yet can't seem to understand why a lot of women want you to stay the fuck out of our toilets.

Give me strength.

Sporting advantage remains significant even after lowering your testosterone to a level that would get a woman disqualified for doping. Our sports are to recognise excellence in women, not to validate men who claim to be women. We are not artificially hobbled men.

"Women feel attacked by Trans Women in my view because of the worries about the erosion of women’s rights Because of the push to self ID and the fear people will use that to access spaces easily. This has been accelerated by fear mongering in the media and culture war. Which also helps to distract us from far greater issues. I say this again from my feelings and the bottem of my heart. I don’t want to take any women’s rights away. I want only to be recognised as a women myself and outside of certain understandable circumstances treated and seen as such."

The sad fact is, you demanding that you are treated as if you were a female and accessing female single sex provisions, is directly taking away women's rights.

The conflict is real. It is not fear mongering. It is logic. You denying this will not make your access directly removing rights true.

"I’m a feminist despite what some people here may feel, I believe we still have quite a way to go to true equality and the getting rid of the patriarchal system."

You cannot be a feminist if you are a male person demanding that female people no longer have the right to single sex provisions.

This is regardless of your academic understanding of feminism. This is the very blunt and real outcome of your personal decisions.

No I don’t. My everyday wear consists of leggings and a t-shirt. Maybe a necklace. I wear dresses maybe for a nice day once in a while and other times I like to dress Goth in all black. Again as I stated somewhere prior to this I don’t even wear makeup. I do try to keep my skin clear though and moisturised. Being a woman is not about how long your hair is what kind of clothes you wear. I just happen to like having long hair.

Can I ask why do you believe you're a woman? How do you define woman?

Maybe we need a reminder.
No male person can ever experience life as a woman. They can only ever experience life as a male person who believes they are a woman.
Even when they 'act' like a woman, they are acting as they believe a 'woman' should act. Which is fucking misogynistic!
Even if they are treated 'as a woman' by some people, they are being treated as a 'male who presents as a woman and believes they are a woman'. Because their every reaction is based on that. Not on them being female in any way.
Even when they have extreme body modifications, it is to be their own concept of what a female looks like to them. It is not what a female is.
How can it be?
The only way a person can experience life as a woman, is to have a female body, formed around the production of large gametes, even if it doesn't produce those and to navigate their life based on the decisions they and society makes that revolve around them having that body.
A male can conceptualise what it might be like to be a female, but that is all it ever is - their concept of being female.
They may do it because they don't feel they fit into how they conceptualise how a male person interacts with the world (ie. their own stereotypes around being male) or they do it because they want to be seen as a female (using their own stereotypes of how a female navigates life). It really doesn't matter though. Their motivation is irrelevant to the outcome. And I consider the outcome can only be described as misogyny.
Which is that they will always be just a male who believes they are something they are objectively not.
How can the material reality be any different? This is why someone's gender is only based on someone's philosophical belief. And philosophical beliefs are fine for people to hold, but not one person in the UK has to comply with another's philosophical belief.
The logic cannot be any different than that I am afraid.
No amount of sexist stereotypical behaviour will increase the chance of the impossibility that a male person is ever going to be a female person.

Being a woman is purely bout having a body type organised around the production of large gametes. That is it.

One last one from me before this thread is done

MEN CAN NEVER BE WOMEN, NOT EVEN THE MEN WITH WOMANLY FEELS IN THEIR HEAD

You want to take away my right to a single sex space. You do that every time you go into a woman’s toilet.

Do you understand that a significant minority of women have suffered a severe sexual assault?

If you go into a female only space which has more than three or four women in it, statistically at least one of them will have been raped or sexually assaulted. For many of those women, single sex spaces are a safe haven away from men.

Your identity isn't visible to anyone else. So from their point of view, if they are in what is supposed to be a female only space and you are there, their safe haven has been invaded and violated by someone of the same sex as the man that hurt them.

Do you really not care about the fact that your presence might be setting off multiple women's trauma responses?

A women is somebody who identifies as such.

Getting those creepy vibes again...

Women say 'no thank you'.

No male people above the age of 8 in female single sex toilets.

It is not transphobic to want to have single sex spaces. If you, as a male person, do not want to use the male single sex spaces that society has provided for you, that is your choice. It is also then not up to society to provide you automatically with an alternative because you rejected what was there.

It was never appropriate for any male to be in a female single sex space. Women are not security shields or therapeutic aids.

women are not just people who identify as such.

women are adult human female.

OP your are and always will be a man

NO