I've been researching this topic on various trans subreddits. I would say most of the online trans community doesn't consider that trans women have the slightest moral obligation at any point to share (to lesbians or hetero males) that they are biologically male, even if they are post-op.
The typical answer to a question of "Should we share that we are trans when dating or taking someone home? is always this:
- You don't have any obligation to share it, it's private health info, and besides, trans women are women.
- You should share it, but only for your own safety or your own feelings(getting rejected at a later stage=hurts more for the trans).
- Or that saying they are trans early may filter out the ones not interested, thus making their online dating game more successful.
Only when there is talk about long term relationships some of them admit that it should be disclosed. Incredibly, some of them don't even admit any moral obligation even in long term relationships.
I have seen almost no replies where the concern for the partners feelings are considered. It's always for their safety or other considerations concerning them that is the priority.
For a group of people which whole life seems to evolve around feelings about identity, I find it wildly egoistic and narcissistic to totally ignore that the partners feeling of sexual identity in most cases evolves around what sex they are attracted to.
For a heterosexual male like me, it would feel like a sort of existential crisis to be tricked into having sex with another male. It's something that can't be undone. (And Im pretty liberal and have high self confidence etc, must be worse for a young insecure man). I don't know if the feeling is the same for a lesbian, but I assume so after what I have read. And Im sure the trans community have seen the polls/statistics that state like 95-98% of natal people wouldnt have sex with someone trans.
As a narcissistic male myself I do recognize the thinking pattern and the logic of these trans women. And let me tell you I am 100% sure that tricking someone into going all the way with them with them not noticing they as a trans woman is the ultimate achievement for them. They probably get off just thinking about it. At least the autogynephilic ones. So they won't accept to hear that this is morally wrong, it's probably phobic just if one of their own suggest such a thing.
Thank god most of them don't really look like women, or dating would be like a penis mine field.