Living as a woman

[MissScarletInTheBallroom]

This is a thread for people to give examples of experiences which constitute "living as a woman".

I'll go first.

Peeing on a pregnant test and waiting anxiously to see whether a second line appears.

Javelin arse

When our wee one was a newborn (first time parents) my husband asked me a question about something (can't remember what - babies feeding or sleeping) and when I said that I didn't know, expressed surprise that I didn't know the answer off the top of my head. I said that I didn't have a manual which I hadn't felt like showing him - I knew as much as he did!

I really don't think there was any difference @tripleginandtonic . DS likes to explore, and on the occasion when my DH was there it was busier so probably harder to accommodate.

I know there is a lot of irritation when people feel inconvenienced by a wheelchair user (that's a whole different thread), but the point here is that they much more readily express that irritation to me than they would to my DH.

In the late ‘70’s - going to NE England and being told I wasn’t allowed in the local pub because I was a woman and then, again, in the ‘80’s!

I had a similar experience in Manchester in the late 70s. Went into a pub with my BF and we sat in the snug. There was a power cut when we went in so one saw me in the dim candle light, but then the power came back on and I was told to leave because no women were allowed in there. It felt really weird.

Sitting, standing, walking or running whilst minding my own business and getting stared at, smirked at, heckled at, followed, groped, given unwanted advice and sexually assaulted by men. Again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.........because I am female.

I'm in my late 50s -

Always being given less food as a child than my brothers, despite being older than them.

From about the age of 10 being made to feel that unwanted male attention was somehow my fault. I should have known to stay away from "that dirty old man", to have dodged the wandering hands, the blokes who leer, the gropers, the flashers, the one who looked up my skirt by crouching down on an escalator behind me, the driving instructor who kept stroking my thighs, the 50 year old CEO of a well-known company who told the barman to put vodka in my orange juice when I was about 12 and tried to get me to sit on his lap.

Being the first person from my family to go to university and a relative saying: Why are you doing that? A pretty little thing like you, you'll be married in no time.

When I didn't want sex, being told that I was a c*ck-tease, or frigid, or what was wrong with me?

In my first job as a graduate in a male-dominated industry and my boss saying I should cut my hair because no-one would take me seriously with long hair. Another time he said I should wear shorter skirts and tighter tops to "show off my good points". Another time he said I really should get my teeth fixed. But the main problem was that he didn't value anything I said or any work I did; he was only interested in how I looked.

...So, I changed teams and my new boss, completely unexpectedly, made a pass at me when we were working late alone in the office.

...So, I changed teams again and this time my new boss said he really didn't agree with employing female graduates. What was the point when I would leave in a few years to have babies anyway?

...So, I changed industries to one which is more female-dominated. Whilst I've enjoyed it, it has meant that I've earned a huge amount less over my career than I would have done if I'd been able to stay.

The agony of childbirth and being told by a group of male students to lie still on the bed because they were doing a study and they wouldn't be able to get the readings they wanted from me if I moved.

Constantly risk-assessing any new situation. Will I be on my own? Where is the exit? Will it be dark?

Good points:

The completely overwhelming sense of love for your own children. Stronger than any other feeling and knowing that without a doubt you'd take a bullet for them.

The solidarity of other women and being blessed with lots of female friends who I can talk to about anything. Knowing they've got my back. Laughing hysterically together. I'm not sure that men really have that deep, human connection with friends that women can have.

Being of an age now where I can be fully myself. I've done too much biting my tongue and keeping the peace. If I see something that's wrong, I call it out.

Will it be dark?

What you said about work and 'will it be dark?' brought back a memory. This happened in the late 80s.

In my late 20s and was a new assistant restaurant manager and hadn't long been at the restaurant I worked in. Some new ovens had been delivered which were in a large basement and an area manager - male, mid-40s - had turned up to look at them. We had to go down to the basement together and were looking at the ovens when the lights went off and we were in pitch dark. I'd never been down there before and didn't know where anything was, didn't know where the light switches were or if they were on a timer or what. Fortunately the area manager was a very decent man as we had to hold hands so we didn't lose each other in the dark while we tried to find our way to the door. He was probably as freaked out about it all as I was but it made my hair stand on end for the next few days.

Nearly dying of undiagnosed peritonitis on an operating table in 1972 when I was 10, although I'd had numerous appointments over months with the old school G.P. (smoked like a chimney during consultations, always smelled of scotch) complaining of severe abdominal pain which proved to be acute appendicitis. Every time I was taken in he would dismiss my pain as "Girls of this age. So sensitive, you know, but it's only growing pains". It wasn't until years later that I realised he meant menstrual cramps, although I didn't actually start bleeding for another two years...

Not a single experience being described on this thread could possibly be categorised as making fun of others. Out of all the things you could’ve said in relation to the stories of suffering for being female (and the amazing ones too), this was what you chose to say? Mind boggling.

Having my crotch grabbed by a shop keeper when travelling shocked my younger innocent naive self. Giving birth to miracle DC. My DD utterly anxious about getting her first period at school. Having amazing female friendships lasting decades.

That has nothing to do with being a woman. Terms of endearment are used for both sexes. As a man, I have had many nurses and shopkeepers refer to me as "dear," "darling," "love," or "sweetie."

Having an important conversation with other women about meaningful and often traumatic aspects of our shared lives and a man comes along to correct us.

I see your twice and raise to three times. The second two I had done with a spinal block, as I nearly broke the anaesthetist's hand cos it hurt so much first time around, and I'm not a good candidate for a general if it can possibly be avoided.

Being called a girly girl because I can’t pick up super heavy items.

Men call you dear, darling and sweetie? How odd. I personally don't like it, it's condescending.

No, I meant female nurses and female shopkeepers.

Men use the terms for women and women use the terms for men.

I can't imagine any shopkeeper calling a grown man Sweetie, or Dear, possibly a young boy or maybe a frail elderly man.

If someone said they "helped an auld dear cross a road" the i would take them to mean an elderly woman

Almost dying on the operating table after haemorrhaging during an emergency c section
Lying to the midwife during the PND screening because I was worried they’d take my baby away if I admitted to feeling depressed
Not being able to wear noise cancelling headphones when running for fear of not hearing someone approaching from behind
All the money spent on taxis home from a friend’s house that’s a 5 minute walk away, because walking home alone at night isn’t an option
Worrying that the taxi driver could be a predator
Consoling a friend whose teenaged daughter has died crossing a busy road, rather than using the unlit footbridge
Being fobbed off with antidepressants for hot flushes
Vasovagal syncope during a uterine biopsy with no pain relief that caused a dangerously low heart rate and made me think I was dying
Having a man call me names in a pub because I told him I’d break his fingers if he didn’t remove his unwanted hand from my chest as he tried to grope me

Running out of sanitary products, or coming on your period early/late/never knowing when. Not being able to wear white, worrying about what to wear on your period or how heavy/bad your period will be. Worrying about leaking. Staining clothes or towels or bedsheets.

I can't take any of this 'living as a woman business' seriously unless the man in question has first spoken to his boss and negotiated a pay cut in line with the gender pay gap. Then, maybe, I will entertain his claims to be living as a woman. Of course there is still the pregnancy, postpartum and period stuff to be got over....so I have serious doubts as to whether it is doable.

Being asked in an interview “what does your partner think about you applying for this job? How will he feel about you working weekends and what will happen with childcare?” Like an idiot, I answered rather than questioning whether this was appropriate for an interview. This was only about 5 years ago, so they really should have known better. (National chain of estate agents).

Being fobbed off for a year with antidepressants, instead of a simple
blood test (which I’d requested 3 times) to diagnose an autoimmune condition.

Waking up during an egg retrieval and being unable to move while feeling a six inch needle digging at your ovaries.

Pausing your music when walking with air pods in when passing men

Not being allowed topiramate because I "haven't completed my family yet". Reader, I am child-free. That means that zero children is a complete family.