Living as a woman

[MissScarletInTheBallroom]

This is a thread for people to give examples of experiences which constitute "living as a woman".

I'll go first.

Peeing on a pregnant test and waiting anxiously to see whether a second line appears.

Oh blimey, yes!

When I was 12 this man - in his 20s - put his hand on my thigh. All the adults in the carriage stared out the window. I hit him with my umbrella and he got off at the next stop.

Another time I came round the corner late at night to see this guy wanking right in front of me. I screamed my head off and he slithered off with his trousers round his ankles calling me a fucking bitch.

Curbed crawled late at night by this guy looking for 'directions' . Pointed out he could ask at the police station 50 yards away. He drove off sharpish.

Had an ancient bloke just put his hand up my skirt and grope me in Spain. Speechless at that one.

Being gropped by my sisters much older boyfriend when we all had to share a bed and he laughed in my face when I pushed his hands away (up to then I thought he was accidentally doing it in his sleep!

Having a uterine biopsy without any anaesthetic, and not even a sedative.
Blocked duct when breastfeeding.
Having to sit down in the queue at the supermarket because my period pains were so bad.
Getting sexually assaulted at about 14. And again at 15. And again at 17. And again in my late 30s. I told that one that if he laid another hand on me, I'd knee him in the balls. I just count my blessing that none of them was serious, and that I was emotionally robust enough to shrug them off - but they did make me cautious.
Having my father tell me, when I was my teens, that women were incapable of reaching the pinnacle of any activity (he was an utter arse).
I could go on.

Having a man say, 'Jolly good parking - for a lady' was light relief by comparison.

Edited for typo.

Suffering 3 miscarriages, feeling isolated because no one could share the physical or emotional pain.

Having endo pain my whole life and being dismissed for over 30 years as 'complaining about nature' until my bowel fused with my uterus

Having smears/internals whilst infections were rife, causing the worst pain

Having a (benign) tumour and needing my ovary removed

Being physically assaulted because I'm tiny and have no power to fight back

Being promoted to Director when 7 months pregnant because my bosses wanted to celebrate how much I brought to the business, despite being the first employee to insist on WFH 19 years ago because I wanted a career and to bring up my DC and I proved it could be done so paved the way for other women (and men) to do the same.

There are many more positives too, but when I'm challenged on my views as to why protecting females spaces (physical and administrative) are important, these are the things that spring to mind

❤️

Walking home, checking behind you, keeping keys in your hand and debating with yourself the safest route. not wearing headphones, texting friends to say you’re home safe.

The responsibility to care for your elderly or unwell parents. The expectation to remember all the birthdays. Life admin particularly as a mother is on you.

Our CEO is female. She is a real role model, I deeply admire her.

She has a PA, who happens to be male.
I don't know how many times I noticed when meeting external stakeholders they all go directly shaking hand with him and not addressing her at all.
At some point their face change when someone introduces her.

Not making this up.

@Dandelionsarefree I hope some squirming goes on!

I explained to my DH the other day that as a woman the experiences I have when out & about are marginally worse than his.

Example: I visited a local cafe a couple of weeks ago with my DC who is in a wheelchair. I was queuing to be served but the server started serving the group behind me until I reminded them I was standing there.

The cafe was very empty at the time and DC wanted to explore, so wheeled himself around. Cue several requests for me to move him out of the way (he has learning difficulties).....I get it can be difficult for serving staff as the place was quite small, but it really wasn't a sit down type place as there are products on sale for people to browse and buy etc. And unfortunately a wheelchair is quite cumbersome and I can't magic it smaller.

We had visited a few weeks earlier though when DH was with us. Then it was a different story....fast friendly service, happy for DS to browse despite it being busier, they couldn't do enough for us. I put the difference in treatment down to DH being there, but he disagrees with me though. What do you think?

Enduring periods so painful that I had to stand at my desk at work, because sitting felt as if a spike was being driven up into my abdomen.
Thinking I was just “getting used to the contraceptive coil” until, after several months, I went back to the doctor and discovered I had pelvic inflammatory disease.
ETA: I didn’t seek help sooner because, hey, painful periods, that’s just life isn’t it?

Yes, yes, yes to all of these. And knowing that even your best male friends don’t have a clue …

Sitting in a community meeting where the two men absolutely dominated the conversation, completely ignoring the (many) women on the Committee who wished to make a point. I finally managed to indicate that I wished to speak to be told by the chairperson (male) that 'we've discussed this long enough - we should really move on'. I had had enough by this point and said that I (and other women) had been trying to join the discussion for some time and that I was going to say what I wanted to say.

I found this timer later and wished I had had it at the meeting!

http://arementalkingtoomuch.com/

Getting drinks bought for me by other blokes in pubs and bars 😁

I think you were brilliant not to let that one go! Well done.

Thank you! It was one of those 'oh hell no!' moments

Having a third of my inner and outer labia removed because of a pre cancerous condition.

Having your boss say 'while you are down there....' every time you bend down to reach the lower shelf. And because you are young and it's your first job being too afraid to call him out for his harassment.

AHH yes when people asked for the MD and I said I'll put you through to Clare it was only men who ever said no I don't want to talk to his secretary (Clare was the MD).

Having abdominal pain in week 3 of cycle every month now because of post ectopic surgery adhesions. Having a transvaginal scan to try and see whether there are any other causes of the pain. Being told more surgery is not the answer. (Lol lol lol... if only more people were denied unnecessary, harmful surgeries.) Being told there's not really anything that can be done to help. Having a C section birth years ago which probably caused the 3 ectopics I've had since. Having PTSD post birth. Giving birth. Being told I needed antidepressants after telling a medical professional the pill was making me feel shit. I could go on... But I'm having a decent Saturday perusing fragrantica and appreciating the fact that my antihistamines have kicked in, and I've got some liquorice to munch on, so I'll not dwell.

Oh yeah! Stage 3 dyskariosis of the cervix showing up on a smear, having a cervical biopsy. Ok I'm done. 😆

I had to explain to DP why speeding up behind a lone woman on a pavement at night in order to overtake so she didn't worry was not in fact kind and thoughtful, but actually could be perceived as threatening. And to cross the road instead. He hadn't realised and now does the right thing. Men just don't think about this sort of stuff until it's pointed out.

Not being able to do the lab project at uni I wanted because the supervisor didn't teach female students. It was accepted it was a shit situation but he literally couldn't speak in front of women so the solution was to only give him male students.

Being told in private by a member of the hiring committee that 'while I'm on the selection board we won't hire another woman for the role'. The first had been considered a trouble maker after filing a complaint for sexual harassment.

Being told I was being 'aggressive and emotional' after politely reporting a serious pay discrepancy to the relevant people thought the appropriate channels.

Being sexual assaulted countless times from the age of 14.

Working until the day I gave birth to one child and the Friday before I gave birth on the Monday to the second because statutory maternity pay is so terrible.

But also, as others have said:

Being pregnant - bubbles, then kicks, then the later stages of breastfeeding (when the painful bit is over).

Multiple orgasms.

Never having to deal with testosterone.

Being able to use cleaner public toilets. Especially at tech conferences/lectures where there are no queues for the women's loos and the men are queueing out the door.

Being able to talk to my friends about how I'm feeling

So many bad things 😪. I'll stick with good things:

Breastfeeding. I loved it.

The, frankly unwarranted, high esteem in which I am held by my children 😎 just because I was there when their dad was not. (Don't get me wrong; they really love him, in a 🙄 sort of way.)

Talking to other women on the Internet. (And yes, I know you're all really a burly docker called Dave, or six sock-puppets....)

Not being able to use the free weights area at the gym because the groups of sweaty, grunting men have spread themselves out across the whole space

But we’re disgusting! We’re talking about women, not centring men. That’s very upsetting for User-whatever. I expect we’ve literally killed him.

I think your ds probably didn't get in the way because there were two adults there when dh was with you.