Trans sibling in law

[Primrose86]

DH's sibling has just come out as a man. She is 26 and autistic, lives at home with mum, spends life on the Internet, got kicked out of school at 16 etc etc She has plans to go overseas and transition in germany where apparently you can get surgeries on the public health system while living with her grandpa. Her mum is fully supportive of this.

How should I react to all this. Should I start referring to him as my brother in law? What usually happens after people come out. I assume they progress to hormones and surgery but honestly based on what I read, Germany is quite resistant to health tourists who never paid in even if they are citizens. Are people really happy identifying as another gender when they wouldn't look like the other gender?

These sort of posts are so ridiculous.
I am totally gender critical and do not believe in transgender ideology one bit, I think it’s extremely damaging. BUT. I do not hate anyone who buys into it, same as I don’t hate Christians for believing in a god that I don’t believe in.
The persecution complex is real.

Exactly this. I don’t want other people’s fantasies foisted upon me and I would tell her straight that she is not a man, will never be a man and I will only acknowledge her as being a woman.

It isn't kind to tell a person with a deluded belief that they are right, and to help them do harm to themselves as a consequence.

I agree with you totally

1984

I'm trying to find the quote, but there are many!

'You will learn by degrees, Winston. There is nothing that we could not do. Invisibility, levitation -- anything. I could float off this floor like a soap bubble if I wish to. I do not wish to, because the Party does not wish it. You must get rid of those nineteenth-century ideas about the laws of Nature. We make the laws of Nature.'

'Already we are breaking down the habits of thought which have survived from before the Revolution. We have cut the links between child and parent, and between man and man, and between man and woman. No one dares trust a wife or a child or a friend any longer. But in the future there will be no wives and no friends. Children will be taken from their mothers at birth, as one takes eggs from a hen. The sex instinct will be eradicated. Procreation will be an annual formality like the renewal of a ration card. We shall abolish the orgasm. Our neurologists are at work upon it now. '

“‘Don’t you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought? In the end we shall make thoughtcrime literally impossible, because there will be no words in which to express it.’”

“Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.”

'I tell you, Winston, that reality is not external. Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. Not in the individual mind, which can make mistakes, and in any case soon perishes: only in the mind of the Party, which is collective and immortal. Whatever the Party holds to be the truth, is truth. It is impossible to see reality except by looking through the eyes of the Party. '

It's not kind to the GC person who is having to lie about their beliefs, that pronouns are a part of language, that males are he and females are she.

If you've been on here long enough you'll have heard, "Pronouns are Rohypnol."

https://fairplayforwomen.com/pronouns/

It's part of the narrative. Quite important to maintain the myth that all 'gender critical' feminists are full of hate and anger. Any disagreement is 'hate'.

It's 'hate' to not pretend you believe someone has changed sex.

Absolute nonsense, of course, but some people like martyrdom.

Ah you mean pro-women.

She has German citizenship

I think I’d just nod and smile and wait for reality to bite.

How is this person going to move to Germany? It is not easy post-Brexit. How are they going to access the German healthcare system never having lived there, and deal with everything in German.

This sounds like a very isolated individual. I would try to support them as a person without cheerleading the trans stuff. When they realise transitioning isn’t the magic bullet they are hoping for, they will need support.

Not anti-trans. Pro-women @FancyAnxiety

But agree that this seems staged. Possibly coordinated. Seemed interesting how the first reply was yes they're you’re BiL now and a whole load of new posters using the opportunity to repeat twaw/tmam along with a couple of #bekinders. Never mind. As always, I enjoy the FWR logical and thoughtful replies.

Edited to acknowledge return of Op. So new posters just indication of how frequently these boards are policed fgs.

Transgenderism is seen by many to be an explosion of social contagion. In addition, I’m always surprised when someone who’s been convicted of a sex crime like rape suddenly decides they're actually trans and please could they go to a women's prison. Its a really odd phenomenon!

We don’t identify as anything we just ARE women and couldn’t give two hoots about your insistence on any topic.

We understand that people can’t change sex, it’s binary and immutable, but we can have sympathy for vulnerable young people, especially those with autism, who are easily exploited by this insidious, misogynistic, regressive and homophobic ideology.

I don't know what the op said to make you think she has 'hate' towards trans people. That is a very odd take on her post - are you looking to be offended? OP this poster is showing the performative gaslighting that you get in transgenderism. Do exactly what I want or I'll cut you out of my life. It's sickening that they do this but it's an example of what to expect if you don't bow down to the cult. Your poor sil is probably on Reddit right now being told that everyone who isn't delighted she's going to cut herself and take damaging hormones, anyone who voices concern about her mental health is an evil transphobic bigot and she must cut them out of her life and be embraced by her new LGBTQI+ family. Sadly, they won't be there if she ever decides that she's not actually a man. Many detransitioners are hounded and ostracised if they ever voice regret. Please be there for your sil whatever she choses to do.

She is a German citizen by descent

But I thought you have to pay in. She is a freelance writer on the Internet in the uk so hasn't paid health insurance in Germany so presumably has to get a job in germany

Yes, you refer to them as he. I have a trans niece, she’s like a different person compared to how she was. So much happier. Lovely to see.

So do I but that doesn't mean I qualify for medical treatment in Germany. She will once she lives there, has a job and pays into a health insurance, or receives benefits and is part of a health insurance that way, but she can't just go there and demand treatment.

She can speak some German and she I a German citizen by descent. Would be presumably be living with her 94 year old german grandpa who is so traditional that he is trying to get my husband to put his surname in my son's name (once he found out i was pregnant with a boy) so his surname is passed down (lol not happening) and wants to leave the house to his son rather than his daughter (told my dh this privately). As my dh is the only grandson who is likely to have any children at all.

I wonder how he would react to the whole trans thing.

Dont be so dramatic. There are lots of people on MN that are just as deluded as you are on this topic.

@Primrose86 She is your husbands sister. She always will be his sister. Whatever stuff she does to herself, whatever she tries to insist you call her etc - she will always be your SIL, your husbands sister. No amount of messing about with her body will ever mean she has magically become a man. Hold onto what you know is true.

I recommend getting hold of Helen Joyces book "Trans" and "irreversible damage" by Abigail Shrier. Or start by looking up Helen on you tube (shes done a huge number of interviews and is always an intelligent, reasoned, common sense person to listen to)

Sadly your SIL has got herself caught up in ROGD (rapid onset gender dysphoria). Its very common in young/ish people who are autistic, spending hours on the internet etc. Its an online contagion, a cult. (all of which probably sounds massively OTT, hyperbole but its true sadly)

My Dh thinks it's bullshit, she isn't really trans but unhappy and his mother is encouraging it so she doesn't need to solve her other mental health issues (that is his take not mine)

He thinks by accepting her and using her pronouns she will realize nothing has changed for the better and will give up on being trans. I am a bit sceptical of this viewpoint. In fact he congratulated her on being trans.

My opinion is different to your own, as I believe that being transgender is a real thing and isn't a problem at all. Regardless though, no good will come from op not supporting her now bil. Shed risk her marriage and the love of her in laws ,if she can at least try to be there for her now bil

@zoono I am a middle ground type person, and dont think trans is always wrong, or GC is always 100% right.

However, everyone should be concerned about an autistic, socially isolated, young adult outside of education or training who is (apparently) considering moving to Germany to live with their nonagenarian relative in the hope of having radical life changing surgery which will likely remove their sexual function before they are adult.

Trans women are men in dresses and it’s not hate to say so.

Yes that's why I don't know how to react. It's easy to call my sibling in law he and smile and go along but what he or she is planning is pretty big.

Dh and I used to be far closer (see her weekly) but we tried to distance ourselves in the last 8 months as he/she was getting quite difficult to get along with and I was pregnant/dh had work burnout so we wanted to focus on our own issues. But dh recently met up with him/her and she came out. And mum is totally supportive.

We were already struggling with how we should handle the family dynamic esp with a new baby (MIL is in her own world most of the time, I once asked her to pick me up from the hospital while pregnant and admitted for bleeding and she said no but not out of malice). The trans thing just adds more confusion. We did suspect but I guess this brings it to the open.

Anorexia is a real thing. However affirming someone as fat when they are actually dangerously skinny is bad for them. This is the same thing.