Banned from breastfeeding group for objecting to males breastfeeding

[snickerdoodle1990]

Hi everyone,

I gave birth a few months ago and had some breastfeeding difficulties, so joined a local breastfeeding support group in my city. It’s basically a place to go for support with feeding, plus meet other mums/have a cuppa and biscuit etc. They also have a FB group. It’s become a nice, friendly place to go once every couple of weeks.

Recently, a trans-woman (male) has joined the group asking for support because their wife has not long had a baby and the trans-woman is wishing to breastfeed too, apparently through use of hormones and domperidone (?) to stimulate supply (I did not realise this was possible at all)

I really really object to this person being present in a group of women who are seeking breastfeeding support, trying to come together in their breastfeeding experience and also revealing themselves intimately

I told the group leader my concerns and she basically told me to shove it - said that the group is a safe space for everyone and they support all who wish to breastfeed and that I shouldn’t come back because I am a bigot

I am horrified as are the other women, where do we all stand and what would you do?

Sorry if this has already been posted. Does anyone know how this tribunal went?

theothercheek.com.au/breastfeeding-expert-jasmine-sussex-tribunal-case-for-trans-breastfeeding-experimental-and-a-dangerous-fetish-starts-monday/

I agree.
@snickerdoodle1990 if you and all the other mums bring your husbands along for a few weeks I wouldn't be suprised if the stunning and brave would-be lactater develops a calendar clash.

It might be easier than you having to organise a separate group.

Who is protecting the baby? I think it should be illegal frankly. I could not sit by and watch somebody do that to a baby.

I went to report this post, because it's disgusting, but actually I think it's better than lurkers can see the absolute depths people enthralled in this ideology will stoop to.

Yes, some people certainly enjoy this ideology, both what it affords them, and also being able to talk about it on parenting websites, largely populated by women.

Hmm

Thanks for this, and thank god we can now talk about this in plain terms. Going off topic briefly, how did anybody seriously think the general public would fail to notice that the majority of trans-identified people fall into two extremely different groups:

1. Girls and young women, many struggling with any or all of: mental health issues, being neurodivergent, bullying at school, experience of abuse, sexual harassment in and out of school, confusion about their own sexuality, growing up in a porn-soaked world.
2. Middle-aged and older men, mostly heterosexual, mostly fathers of children.

Where are the large numbers of midlde-aged and older women transitioning now that there's no stigma? Why did we move from a position where the number of children and adults seeking health care and psychological support with gender issues was barely out of three figures across the UK and mostly male, to the position we're in now where gender clinics are swamped with thousands of patients on waiting lists, and where the majority are young and female? Why do transactivists focus almost exclusively on the poor oppressed transwoman and only mention transmen as an afterthought?

Answers on a postcard.

You're doing a wonderful service to your movement on this thread, @Blueskies25. Keep on posting. Sunlight pouring out of those blue skies and showing a lot of stuff up very clearly. Good work!

Exactly my point! Each to their own..some people will be comfortable with certain things, others won't be. That's fine. If the group isn't right for you, it's not compulsory, find another.

If women can’t produce milk or enough of it, they’re told to use formula, not pumped full of hormones which may not be good for baby. Why should trans woman be any different? They should just use formula & stop trying to make their identity, or whatever it is they’re trying to do, more important the babies needs & rights!

What if there isn't another?

operation let them speak is doing a grand job today

What on earth are you talking about

Because its a fetish and they get off on it sexually having their nipples sucked. Bottle feeding won't cut it.

It's literally child abuse and some utterly deranged people defend it.

It’s OK. The thing is, I don’t think I was doing all this stuff for the baby, I think it was for me. He was obviously OK (well, he wasn’t totally OK, he had a completely unrelated medical issue, but he was gaining weight, he was attached, he was wolfing up his liquidised carrots and courgettes and pears once those came on the scene). However I thought that I wasn’t a “proper mother” if I hadn’t ticked this box. I thought I was missing out. It was, in some way, performative just like these TW.

The difference is, very few people are ever going to have the courage to tell a mother to give up on efforts to breastfeed, whereas we all think men are completely mad to be attempting it. The only person who tried with me was a young community bf advisor who the midwife sent round to see me about 10 days after I got home from hospital. She said “this isn’t going to work for you, don’t waste your time (I was literally spending HOURS pumping), just enjoy your baby, don’t worry about it” and I should have listened, but ego.

It kind of makes my head spin a bit - thinking about it. It’s the heavy weight of gender expectations (good woman = good mother = bf mother) tied up with biology. I am as gender critical as they come and I can’t think how to unpick gender expectations from what’s best for the baby.

That transwoman needs their hard drive checking. I dread to think what nasty future awaits that poor baby. Why isn't anyone in that group making a safeguarding referral?

It is illegal for a man to force a child to suck his nipples. The lack of law enforcement is honestly terrifying.

Just an update for anyone following.

I emailed the group leader today again just outlining my concerns and how disappointed I was at her reaction. The response:

Hi,

Thank you for reaching out. Firstly I am sorry to hear how you are feeling , our aim is never to make anyone feel uncomfortable , we are aware of the recent Supreme Court ruling and continue to consider how we can meet everyones needs .. with that in mind we must also consider the needs of our transgender friends and ensure that we are not discriminating against any community , breastfeeding is a unique journey and everyone will have different stories , it is not up to us as a group to judge that. Again I am very sorry to hear you feel and hope you find the support you need

Seeing your update, it’s now vote with your feet time. If all the women leave and it’s just this trans person and wife left, well, that might show the organizers that including transwomen who want to breastfeed is not an effective way to provide support to breastfeeding mothers.

Oh dear, lack of comprehension about what “discrimination” means, it isn’t inherently bad.

We discriminate any time we make a group for some people and not for others, but it can be for perfectly good and legal reasons. The whole of the equality act is about when and when it is not acceptable to discriminate.

I am sorry for your situation OP. Time to set up a new group; did someone earlier post some useful links where you might find a breast feeding leader who is happy to run a female only group.

This is a searingly honest post. It has made me think of women I met way back in the early 90s who felt guilty for having a c-section, not the natural birth they thought would have been best for them and the baby, even when there were really serious medical problems that would have put both mother's and baby's lives at risk without a section. Why do women so often feel this way? I seriously doubt men would.

In future this will be seen as the child abuse that it is.

Read the room

Bollocks to the transwoman. Literally.

Their hands are tied