Banned from breastfeeding group for objecting to males breastfeeding

[snickerdoodle1990]

Hi everyone,

I gave birth a few months ago and had some breastfeeding difficulties, so joined a local breastfeeding support group in my city. It’s basically a place to go for support with feeding, plus meet other mums/have a cuppa and biscuit etc. They also have a FB group. It’s become a nice, friendly place to go once every couple of weeks.

Recently, a trans-woman (male) has joined the group asking for support because their wife has not long had a baby and the trans-woman is wishing to breastfeed too, apparently through use of hormones and domperidone (?) to stimulate supply (I did not realise this was possible at all)

I really really object to this person being present in a group of women who are seeking breastfeeding support, trying to come together in their breastfeeding experience and also revealing themselves intimately

I told the group leader my concerns and she basically told me to shove it - said that the group is a safe space for everyone and they support all who wish to breastfeed and that I shouldn’t come back because I am a bigot

I am horrified as are the other women, where do we all stand and what would you do?

That picture ! Ugh
@Datun
Look at the fucking smirk on his face, he's really getting off on it isn't he🤬

I tried to breastfeed (and then to express) and it didn’t work. Baby would not latch and I didn’t produce enough milk. The HV and GP initially had a go at me for not bf (accused me of not trying hard enough) but when I asked for domperidone they said no. I eventually got hold of it anyway via other sources because I was so desperate and it STILL didn’t work. So I drank weird herbal teas, I paid for expensive consultants and I even considered getting on a plane to America to see some bf guru there.

Eventually, months down the line, it was brutally but necessarily pointed out to me that the baby was doing just fine with formula and bottles and that this quest had become all about me and my self-perceived inadequacies.

It is the same thing with TW. It is not about their baby at all, it’s all about their own self-actualisation. Truth needs to be spoken to these people.

Yes definitely the odd one or two TRAs have infiltrated this thread but they are fighting a lost battle thankfully.

A man attempting to breast feed is child abuse plain and simple. Anyone defending it is highly suspect in my book.

Why would humanity need to do this? There are more important things to research in medicine than this.

Totally agree, but the general population has very little control over what is being researched and how to stop said research going ahead

For the love of God women are women, men men and trans people are just that.

We have just had the first womb donation pregnancy. Are our law makers going to allow that to be a given right to both males and females?
We are not here for frankenstein experiments. Children were given puberty blockers to keep them suspended in pre pubecent bodies. This is such fucked up thinking.
Gay people have always existed, cross dressers also. We co existed OK.
Now others seek mutilation and shout loudly when others object to the effect it has on us and our families.
Both scientists and doctors have responded to this thread as have I the mother of a transperson.
Transactivists have no business in female spaces and you bloody well know it.

It's 'about bringing their breasts to full maturity', apparently

Everyone else is as uncomfortable with it as you are, so fuck the group and set up your own.

This sort of fuckery was why I became a trustee of the local grassroots breastfeeding and babyfeeding support group I help run. (I've since stopped being a trustee but I remain involved.) I was seriously worried at one point that trans-affirming virtue signalling might actually rear its head in our own group and we'd have to support this sort of fetishistic crap. As it is, our group is not women-only - we 'welcome' dads and yes, they do turn up with their partners. Usually with newborns and sometimes they stay a while and decide it's a bit too milky for them and bugger off to a cafe. But it's not at all unusual for a dad to stay the entire session and I do often wonder how that makes some of our clients feel. They may well have turned up assuming it was a female-only environment. They shouldn't have to ask for privacy if they want it, even if we do have a room down the hall we could take them to.

The fact that our group admits men (with a mother and baby) means that if in the future, some trans-identified bloke rocks up, we will find it extremely hard to exclude him on grounds of sex alone. But our group has a mission statement of 'helping parents' and that fathers need to understand the pressures of breastfeeding in order to support their partners. All well and good, until someone like the OP's unwelcome fellow guest turns up.

OP, in your place I would take the leader of the group to task about privacy and that you feel unsafe flashing areas of your body normally covered by underwear with him in the room, and then (because it won't make any difference to one who has taken the koolaid) leave vocally. Can you get any of the other women on side?

Euch. 🤮
Breast fetish on full display.
“Give me big titties NOW”

Oh and men cannot breastfeed. What they secrete if they have certain conditions or are on some medications isn't breastmilk. In the case of the OP's unwelcome guest, it'll be full of artificial hormones and other chemicals (we can't prescribe anything at our group but one of the feeding leads has been known to suggest a client talk to their GP about domperidone. It does have its drawbacks) and not comparable with what a woman could offer.

There is no earthly good reason why a transwoman should attempt to 'breastfeed'. It's certainly not going to be putting the baby's interests first. There are so many other ways a father can support his new baby and partner.

trans-affirming virtue signalling might actually rear its head in our own group and we'd have to support this sort of fetishistic crap
@GlomOfNit
Exactly, the breastfeeding trans-identifying man is using a baby as a prop to indulge his sexual fetish.

No new mum is going to do that.

There are so many other ways a father can support his new baby and partner
@GlomOfNit
You are correct. The trans identifying male is not comfortable with women taking centre stage anywhere, he cannot accept merely playing a supporting role, he has to force himself into the limelight at every opportunity.

Neverforgetwhothisisfor

i'm sorry, but when I responded to your comment, I was in full outrage mode about the article.

I just want to add I'm sorry for your experience. Women are feel made to feel guilty whatever they do.

But being hardwired to go to the ends of the Earth for the health of your child will be a familiar feeling for most mothers. And fathers, to be fair.

it's never something to beat yourself up over.

I think many women can understand the benefit of a women only group, but also, educating men, can't be a bad thing.

I'm sure it could be managed successfully, maybe mixed to start with and then women only for the last half hour or something.

But I think the issue is this man wasn't there to support his wife, he was there to pretend he could breastfeed his child

edited to add it really is the height of enough that women here, going out of their way to support other women are having to be worried about fetishists and perverts leveraging that very act.

I'm sure the EHRC aren't quite up to speed on this aspect, but it would be useful if they could formulate some kind of policy or protocol once they are

I agree @Fannyannie It makes me feel sick to the stomach and I want to cry in frustration and anger at these men and for the poor little babies.

Thank you @Datun and @Helleofabore ; once again providing amazing information to help educate, inform and shine a light on the misogyny displayed by these hateful creatures who only do these things because 'me me me' and achieve absolutely nothing (other than potential to do harm) for the little baby.

Im bloody grateful that Helle has all the articles at her fingertips.

Because this sort of thing just makes me want to jump up and down spluttering what the ever loving fuck in an increasingly higher voice that eventually only dogs will hear

Oh yes like 'the male contraceptive pill' that has been almost ready for about 25 years now and still no sign...

currently at work and got a lump in my throat with my shoulders round my ears from trying to suppress my screams and wanting to throw my computer out of the window. I'm just speechless at the lengths these individuals will go to. Just stunned.

What if there are other toddlers present?

There are separate issues and concerns aren’t there?

Do women want to bf in front of men?
Do women want to condone men forcing lactation and making babies suckle from them?
Do they want to normalise any of this?

So true. No point ruling things out. Pigs might eventually fly.

Near future, medium future, far in the future, we don’t know when this could happen

I was totally chuffed with that development. I hope they’re not too disappointed which the practicalities of that… when DS was 1 he managed to stand on my nipple it was so distorted when he stood up after a reclined side feed. 🤣 Theres a fine line between mangled and full maturity in my experience.

I hear ya. At least it's Friday!

How the hell can it be a 'safe space for everyone' if it isn't a safe space for you, an actual mother with an actual baby who is actually lactating to feed her child? Does she mean a safe space for everyone who does as they are told by men? Not my definition of a safe space.