Banned from breastfeeding group for objecting to males breastfeeding

[snickerdoodle1990]

Hi everyone,

I gave birth a few months ago and had some breastfeeding difficulties, so joined a local breastfeeding support group in my city. It’s basically a place to go for support with feeding, plus meet other mums/have a cuppa and biscuit etc. They also have a FB group. It’s become a nice, friendly place to go once every couple of weeks.

Recently, a trans-woman (male) has joined the group asking for support because their wife has not long had a baby and the trans-woman is wishing to breastfeed too, apparently through use of hormones and domperidone (?) to stimulate supply (I did not realise this was possible at all)

I really really object to this person being present in a group of women who are seeking breastfeeding support, trying to come together in their breastfeeding experience and also revealing themselves intimately

I told the group leader my concerns and she basically told me to shove it - said that the group is a safe space for everyone and they support all who wish to breastfeed and that I shouldn’t come back because I am a bigot

I am horrified as are the other women, where do we all stand and what would you do?

Love this example. Maybe Man Friday need to extend their activities to ball-checking groups? Or to be renamed more inclusively as "Todger Watch"?

Domperidone isn't a magic bullet. I am a woman and was prescribed it as my production was very low, and it increased slightly, but not much. It also comes with an increased risk of heart attack, mostly in men.

There are ways for a man to "chest feed", for example with a tube feeder that you sellotape to your nipple and put formula through. I also tried this, it cost upwards of £80 and is incredibly fiddly and I basically failed with it.

If the other women agree with you, just break away on your own.

Reddit and other parts of the internet are covered in threads by men (whatever they call themselves) who want to breastfeed for sexual reasons and are very frank about it.

Are we supposed to pretend not to know about that?

It’s so Victorian, this prudery by nice women who pop in here to tell us all that ‘they are just mummies! Like all the other mummies! Be kind!’ and that we are dirty-minded if we notice that there’s a massive perverted subculture around this.

Remember, nice ladies are naive and wide-eyed and have NO IDEA about any of that horrid stuff men might get up to. The men they know would never do anything like that! They only know lovely men

This is disgusting!

Breastfeeding is not about the feelings of the parents, but about nurturing a baby. If breastfeeding is not an option or if the mother really needs break, then the answer is formula, not artificial hormones, of which children will get plenty through all the micro-plastics in the water anyway.

Yes, it would be interesting to know how trans women are able to legally obtain Domperidone in the UK when the NHS website states:

"Domperidone is an anti-sickness medicine. It helps you to stop feeling or being sick (nausea or vomiting)."
"Domperidone can also be used to treat stomach pain if you're having end of life care (palliative care)."
"It is sometimes used to increase milk supply. Your doctor may prescribe it if you're having trouble breastfeeding but only if other things have not worked.
Domperidone is available on prescription only."
and
"Domperidone is usually only prescribed for a short time (up to 1 week)."

Presumably, GPs are happy to prescribe Domperidone for the rare cases they experience of trans women wishing to breast-feed.

It is appalling behaviour towards you. Tbf I think whilst some people might genuinely believe this up until the recent court ruling, which should not have needed to happen to state the obvious, maybe people were scared to say anything. Male parters are not allowed. The TW is male. I despair. Will attitudes be different since ruling?

There are different types of group. In our area dad's can attend with their babies but I have only seen that with newborns and they are very focussed on being the supporter/roadie. They stayed for the minimum amount of time possible and were not attempting to integrate themselves into the group as a participant or user. They didn't try to interact with the other women and were very respectful in their presentation to avoid interfering with the privacy and dignity of others. they didn't put themselves in front and centre asking for advice for them - obviously if the group is 1.5-2 hours long there is only a finite amount of time for the leader to help. A male with a completely novel presentation different to all the women will obviously take up more than there fair share of the available time. I remember sitting for a long time waiting my turn, desperate and week after week for months. In the end noone could help with our problem which was oral sensory sensitivity and while I could have taken up entire sessions I didn't! I was concious I had to share and be considerate of others. At times I booked one-to-one sessions for this reason. This male should be similarly considerate - not only of the time but that many women will not want to show their nipples to strange men at a vulnerable time. It's bad enough in front of strange women!

Yeah, maybe they're open to paedophilia and putting a man's fetish above a baby and its health. Jeez, be more open minded....

🤮

Hard disagree. This is child abuse of a defenceless infant and that's before we get into the colonisation of female spaces that women want and expect to be male free.

Exactly. They don't hide it.

Am I correct in thinking that the SC ruling doesn't apply to private groups, i.e. they can include TiM even though on the surface they are women focused, like the BF group? I admit I am confused.

Also I agree that any TiM wishing to attend such obviously female focused groups have fetishes and enjoy seeing women's breasts and the process of breastfeeding. I cannot understand the compliant handmaidens in the group at all!

On the other hand, I have a feeling that if women were welcome to attend a prostate examination support group, the males of the group would love it and would enjoy showing their genitals off to women. That's why they would be allowed in!

And weirdly, we are supposed to hide it for them by pretending not to see it.

That is not a bad idea...

However, it does matter when they start to use a baby as part of their role-play, and it does matter when they expect everyone else to go along with this while suppressing any misgivings because we must always “be kind”.

They can believe what they like inside their heads but they have no right to expect us all to believe and behave as though they are ACTUALLY female, actually mothers, and actually breast feeding.

There is a line somewhere we draw between freedom to call yourself what you like, and the practical consequences of acting out as if that is reality and expecting everyone to go along with the pretence. This is how boundaries are lost, and very often, boundaries matter particularly to those who are the more vulnerable in a particular situation.

So open-minded your brains have fallen out. How is it in the baby's interests for a male to have a go at breastfeeding? How it is in the mother's interests for her partner to try to do some of the feeding? Breastfeeding works best when mother and baby learn together and the mother's body responds to the baby's needs. This is a job for the female humans, not the males. If the father doesn't understand that, the role of the counsellor is to explain it.

That is a brilliant way of looking at it, “hiding it for them” 👏🏻

This is utter madness, on the highest level, beyond bonkers.

The world has indeed fallen off its axis. You and all the other women need to vote with your feet. No, you shouldn't have to and it's so so wrong but by people not leaving the group it just makes it more acceptable. Fuck being PC, it's just fucking crazy. A man, no matter what he/she identifies us cannot breast feed and if they can produce milk by pissing about with their hormones, what the hell is in it. And I bet half these people insisting men can breast feed wouldn't for example have the covid jab, yet are happy for a baby to drink synthetic breast milk just to be inclusive.

Fucking gobsmacked.

They can certainly place their nipple inside the mouth of an infant. What they cannot do however is “feed” the baby.

What sort of “change” should we be accepting then, in your mind ? The sort of change that leaves women with no single sex space ? Where even a breastfeeding support group can be disrupted by a man ?
How about men who identify as little girls , should they be able to go to a nursery class ?

I would have no issue whatsoever with a counsellor providing support to a woman outside a group, and her partner happening to be there. The problem for me arises when there are men attending a group session. As I've already said, some women will self-exclude. What is a man getting from these sessions that is so important that it's worth putting off some of the women actually doing the feeding?

Do your research and inform yourself before commenting

When i was trying to breastfeed my daughter i was told to avoid/limit:
Caffeine
Decongestants
Certain painkillers
High mercury fish
Herbal remedies

But apparently a bloke can pump himself full of hormones to induce lactation and that's absolutely fine? Just as healthy and safe as a woman's breast milk? Yeah, alright then🙄

What is a man getting from these sessions that is so important that it's worth putting off some of the women actually doing the feeding?

Well WRT TiM, and possibly other men, it doesn't require a genius to work that one out.

So you’re all supposed to sit in a circle cheering on a man who wants a baby to suck on his nipple? I’m sorry but the female only/privacy issue is secondary here. This is child sex abuse happening in plain sight and the organisers of the group are facilitating it. There is no reason ever for a baby to suck on a man’s nipple. It is not necessary to the babies health or wellbeing in anyway. Children are not props to validate the identity/fetishes of porn-sick, narcissistic men.