I’m still trying to wrap my head around the type of accusations the nurse is facing, about not smiling enough, waiting outside the room until it’s free, not speaking in the right tone…
They all turn towards someone being desperately offended because someone else (a woman) is not being deferential enough.
The accusations also remind of other things people are upset about:
“The bus driver did not say good morning” – did the driver drive safely and did you get from A to B in time? Then you got what you paid for. Session done.
“The cashier didn’t smile at me all the time” – did the cashier ring up your purchases correctly, did the payment go smoothly? Then you have all you need. Any niceness is purely optional.
And on the other hand, we have:
“I was crowded by several men on the tube who tried to grope me” – happens every day, nothing to see here, and what were you wearing? No, we don’t have the money for more trains or reinstation of a conductor. Maybe buy a car?
“Some guys catcalled me on the way to work” – What were you wearing, and anyways, nothing to see here, just deal with it.
“I’m paid differently to my male co-worker, though we have the same qualifications and comparable experience” – after all, the experience is not comparable, and he’s a better negotiator. We recommend self-assertion courses, but it has nothing to do with our company.
The scene which is set by the first set of examples is very similar to main character syndrome. Everyone needs to be nice to you all the time, greet you enthusiastically, go out of their way for your comfort, always prioritize you in everything, regardless of whether the other person works with you in some context or is a randomer on the street or another citizen or sells you groceries.
The expectation is that everyone is there for you, as if they are all your employees.
But others are not your housekeeper or your butler or personal assistant or mental support person, except for the cases where they actually are.
They also have their jobs and obligations, and if for example companies would not save on staff everywhere, so they are overworked and rushed, they might have a lot more mental energy for friendliness at the end of a long shift, it is not just a personal obligation of someone, but their employer has a responsibility for the work conditions.
As we see all the time record amounts of money given to shareholders and the top 5 people (CEO etc.), this is not about financial strains, just greed. So these attacks on individuals because you imagine they weren’t nice enough are directed at the wrong person at the bottom of the food chain instead of at top management.
And this expectation to be the center of attention is here also used by TRA against women and as they imagine themselves as the most oppressed, that somehow gives them the right to extreme revenge for imaginary slights.