An open to letter to Stella Creasy from Mypeniscalledstella
Oh that doesn’t look right does it? Damn you mumsnet and your lack of a space in user names. My user name should read “My pen is called Stella” not my penis. I do not, I repeat do not, have a penis. But if I did I’d probably call it Gary.
Anyway, so I’ve been following the news on your tweets over the last few days, and read the whole, not just the headline, of the article that started it all.
Oh Stella love! It’s all getting a bit daft now isn’t it?
Look I get it; you’ve got an important job, a house, a partner, and kids. It’s a lot of balls to juggle. I completely understand that you leapt at the chance to outsource your critical thinking on subjects you thought would be easy vote winners.
I think what you need is a bit of a time out. Not like naughty step time out, God! You’re not 5! But an adult time out. Send the kids out with their dad for a few hours. Run a nice big bath. Maybe some of those expensive bubbles you keep hidden from the kids? Switch your mobile off, unplug the house phone, lock the bathroom door, get in the bath, lie back and just RELAX.
OK so now I want you to do me a favour (and I promise this next bit is not me trying to get my rocks off). Whilst you’re lying there relaxing in the water, just look down at your body. The breasts that have nourished your children, the stomach still scarred and wobbly from growing actual human beings inside you. Look down between your legs from where your children emerged. Wow, you've done amazing things with that body there missus!
Now, take another look for me will you and answer me one question: where’s your penis?