@Atarax, given that I am the father of a teenager girl, I am thankful that you avoid using the women's changing rooms and have the guts to use the men's.
Especially given what I have learned from reading mumsnet about how many problems it poses when males go into female safe spaces, I would do everything in my power to make you feel comfortable in the men's changing room, were I to find you there. I might be puzzled at first, and it might show on my face, but once I figured out what was what, I would be very grateful that you had owned your difference, resisted the likely peer pressure from TRAs to go into the ladies, and done the right thing instead, which is to go in the men's or in a gender-neutral space where available.
I also do feel, having read a few of these threads, that at least in this thread, you do sound fairly reasonable about most things and willing to listen as best you can. I hope that continues and that the totally understandable anger and frustration of many women does not put you off from continuing to listen and learn.
You spoke about wanting to present, act and be accepted as a woman. I think you understand that there are limits to what is possible in that regard, especially regarding "accepted as a women", given the inherent contradiction between full acceptance "as a woman" versus the continued existence of sex-segregated spaces and roles.
I hope that you can also understand why use of "preferred pronouns" is not an easily extended courtesy , but rather a big problem for anyone, such as myself, for whom pronouns refer to sex, not gender. I can use a person's name as a compromise, but not a preferred pronoun. For me, and I think for many others, a request to use personal pronouns based on anything other than sex feels like a request, nay a demand, to espouse gender identity ideology, and that is something I simply cannot do without betraying my own values around truth and around justice.
Truth, because sex is about biology. Justice, because people with female biology have, through all of known human history, suffered countless outrageous indignities at the hands of people that are male, in virtually all human societies, because of their female biology.
The vast, vast majority of situations in which any space, role or award has been reserved for "women" or "women and girls" are situations in which that was enacted in order to try to eliminate or reduce some of those indignities against females.
As an individual who wants all females, including my female family members, to be safe from all those indignities, I become angry when any male person demands, or simply takes, access to female-reserved spaces, roles or awards by "identifying" as a woman or as a non-male. It does not help if that specific male does not pose an immediate threat to any females: by demanding a right to access "as a woman", that male is, in effect, contributing to erosion of the right for any females to preserve any sex-based spaces or roles.
So please, don't let anyone, be it extreme TRAs or women on this forum who are fed up with TRAs, dissuade you from continuing to do the right thing. Indeed, if all transwomen were to act in a more traditionally "feminine" way by being kind, thinking of how their behaviour would make others feel, etc. then no transwomen would be applying to be CEOs of rape counselling centres, or working as police officers wanting to do strip searches of females, or getting naked in changing rooms in front of teenage girls, or demanding to have their testicles waxed by female beauticians, or demanding sex with lesbians, or applying for "women in business awards", or just being generally aggressive, loud and threatening. Just writing and remembering all of these examples makes me seethe with rage! And I am not even on the receiving end of the abuse they represent.
The paradox in all of this is that the subset of transwomen who seem to be causing most of the actual problems are very much acting as traditional males!
To the many women who have spent hours posting thoughtfully on this board, I apologise if it offends you that I have posted such a long message here. I am trying to help, not by adding anything new because these are not my experiences, but by amplifying certain messages, truths and events that you have described and experienced. I cannot unsee what you have helped me to see. Your posts have also inspired me to actively support numerous initiatives (always led by women) aiming to reintroduce facts and truth into this ongoing debate, so thank you, and please know that your time is not being wasted.