thank you from a TW

[Atarax]

Firstly apologies for posting in a woman's forum. I am transgender (male who lives as female). I wanted to thank the people here who keep me grounded and secure in who I am (not a woman, just a man who is in the wrong body and is fortunate to live in a society that lets me present, act and be accepted as a woman).
Reading threads here on safe spaces gave me the courage to use a men's changing room for the first time since transitioning - I never used woman's ones just accessible/gender neutral rooms. Not surprisingly I did not get attacked, a few curious looks and I kept myself covered in a towel.

You all keep it real and that is so important for those non extreme trans people. Don't stop the dialogue (but do keep respectful). Thanks again, just wanted to post because many (most?) of us get it.

e.g. the "therapist" who calls me the mother of my children FFS

So there's at least one trans widow in your background?

@TinselAngel

e.g. the "therapist" who calls me the mother of my children FFS

So there's at least one trans widow in your background?

My situation is not as straight forward as that (happy to discuss off the forum but it is private). In short no there is not a trans widow in my background in the way I expect you are thinking. Properly managed gender dysphoria can avoid that - the problem is there is precious little properly manager dysphoria.

Properly managed gender dysphoria can avoid that

Not in my experience, from speaking to many women.

No I don't want to discuss it off forum.

happy to discuss off the forum but it is private No, we don't do that here. There is a long history of MN posters being enticed off site and then attempts at doxxing being made. It is generally seen as a bad sign!

Also, having read the voices of trans widows, and heard those of once married gay men, nothing makes it possible to avoid the emotional devastation. It's simply too much of the bedrock of a relationship that is torn away. A woman's sense of self, sense of partnership, internal reality, is destroyed - no matter how brave a face they slap on for any kids, family and freinds.

That's another of those things that many transwomen really need to re-evaluate. Often what they believe, in order to protect their sense of being a fair, nice person, has few points in common with what their ex spouses feel.

I know my aunt has had her later adult life blighted by being the ex wife of a gay man. 20 years and 3 kids later she has no idea what really happened to her younger self. Everything she thought she knew, the feelings, emotions, partnership she relied upon simply isn't true, it can't be!

"happy to discuss off the forum but it is private No, we don't do that here."

Was not aware, thanks for correcting. I am certainly not the person to have / share an opinion on trans widows. Will bear in mind what you said.

So in your first post you say you are a "male who lives as female".

And then you say you "have no idea what living as a woman means, it makes no sense".

You see the issue here? It sums up the whole fucking thing.

PS Just to help you out, a man thinking they are living as a woman means reinforcing and conforming to gender stereotyping. Women would be much better served by men removing gender stereotyping. So I won't thank you for deigning to come here and say thank you (while instructing us how to behave, of course). I will say you are part of the problem women are facing. Fuck sexist stereotyping.

PPS if you have used this board as much as your posts say, there is no way you would not be aware that women don't give out personal details on PM. So stop being disingenuous, and hopefully no one here will provide you personal information.

To be pedantic fair, it wasn't OP who told us to behave.

i only started using actively last week. Not asking for anyone's thanks just sharing a trans viewpoint and one that agrees with the posters here. I only reposted because some pointed out that I had posted and not replied and thought that was not appropriate.

I do see the issue here, an painfully aware of the contradictions

If I had a tenner for all the transsexuals on here who've told me they're not like the other girls, and their relationship breakdown was completely different to all the others, I could take all my trans widows out for afternoon tea at the Ritz.

@DomesticatedZombie

To be pedantic fair, it wasn't OP who told us to behave.

In the very first post OP says "Don't stop the dialogue (but do keep respectful)"

We are being told how to behave.

I think the poster may be referring to the post that says 'Oh behave!' Which is not by the OP.

And believe me, I'm behaving "better" than I would elsewhere or in RL because of MN rules! I think I (and many others) have taken time to politely question the OP as to what living like a woman actually means. If MN wasn't moderated the way it is, I think I would have just said oh fuck off Shania Twain.

Be respectful, ha. I'll start respecting men when they start respecting me, and that isn't the case here.

@TinselAngel

If I had a tenner for all the transsexuals on here who've told me they're not like the other girls, and their relationship breakdown was completely different to all the others, I could take all my trans widows out for afternoon tea at the Ritz.

I’ve got a better idea. Make it a fifty not a tenner, find a castle going cheap & we’ll turn it into a feminist stronghold. With a pub that sells decent pies.

@IntermittentParps

I think the poster may be referring to the post that says 'Oh behave!' Which is not by the OP.

Ah I see, maybe I should have made it clearer by saying "telling us how to behave".

God, YY to the castle please. And I'll have steak and ale with puff pastry. And chips and mushy peas. I'll even eat it respectfully and will use cutlery instead of my fingers

Thick skin on chips. Wondering if we could get the Harlequin in Sheffield to open a branch there if we asked really nicely….

I’ve got a better idea. Make it a fifty not a tenner, find a castle going cheap & we’ll turn it into a feminist stronghold. With a pub that sells decent pies.

Wouldn't a castle be quite draughty? Although I do fancy standing atop windy battlements, looking thoughtful, with my cloak billowing.

Alternatively make it a grand each and we could buy an island.

Terf Island. With ready made flags.

We'd need a wide variety of vegetarian pies for the lesbians.

Afternoon OP and welcome to MN. It's good to have you hear and I hope you stick around and keep the conversation going

@TinselAngel

We'd need a wide variety of vegetarian pies for the lesbians.

The Harlequin do a bloody good roast vegetable & olive one. And chips in gravy.

I’ve heard rumours that somewhere there’s a local dish involving both cheese and gravy but that’s going too far.

@DomesticatedZombie

Well, it is Friday.

Gosh she is gorgeous isn't she

I’ve heard rumours that somewhere there’s a local dish involving both cheese and gravy but that’s going too far.

Yorkshire isn't famous for its Poutine as far as I know..

Ah I see, maybe I should have made it clearer by saying "telling us how to behave". - I see, sorry, my misunderstanding.

But chips and gravy... maybe!

Having read whole thread and OPs posts properly I'm also feeling there's a bit of contradiction going on.

Chips and gravy are food of the gods though.