All the bad things JKR has done. A history.

[WandaWomblesaurus73]

I think this is a good time to go over all the bad things JKR has done (as started on the did he or didn't he Jon Stewart thread)

Earlier, I went into the bathroom and I noticed JK Rowling had moved the cat litter tray so I stood in a little bit of cat poop.

You know those arseholes that can rise from a cross legged position into standing without putting their hands down, making the rest of us look like massive glacial pricks as we get to our knees then lever
ourselves up with our hands?

Yeah. Her.

You know when you look at an analogue clock the instant after the second hand has moved and you think it must be broken because it takes too long for the hand to move again? Yep, her again.

I have it on good authority that JKR was behind the John F. Kennedy assassination in 1963. Why else would Lee Harvey Oswald claim to be a patsy? Just because she wasn't born yet doesn't mean she's not responsible.

JKR is responsible for my misreading “patsy” as “pastry” in @Delphinium20’s post. And indeed responsible for my wondering why both JFK & his [alleged?] assassin both identified as pâtisserie products 🤔

And she’s responsible for the fact my now wondering about exactly which type of pastry Oswald [never] claimed to be is actually stopping me from sleeping. Apparently Krispy Kreme was founded in 1937 & Dunkin Donuts in 1950, so perhaps Oswald was after IDing as some of their extraordinarily unappetising-looking offerings?

It wasn’t Macbeth, Rowling has murdered sleep. Just other people’s though, not her own. Absolutely mercilessly Avada Kedavra-ed it; then used Dark Magic to steal said rightful repose of others so she can write all night but look & feel fresh as a daisy the next day. Out there indiscriminately causing raging insomnia/disordered sleep. (I might not mention this to my sleep specialist. But we know it’s true, all the same…)

I have quite a personal gripe with JKR. She made my period come on the very day that we have a family celebration. All I want to do is curl up in a ball.

Damn you JKR.

She has never once come down my chimney on Christmas Eve; eaten a mince pie, downed a snorter of sherry and then filled my stocking with thoughtfully chosen small gifts!

As a rights hoarding dinosaur who aspires to become a rights protecting dragon I must remind everyone once again that JKR made Hagrid misgender Norbert the Norwegian Ridgeback. Oops, Norberta. Then again, who knows? No-one asked the dragon.

JKR crashed the economy and cast a spell to blame it on Kwasi and Liz. ACTUALLY what she did was shorted the Gringotts dollar to make even more imaginary money.

JKR made my friend enjoy reading again. She’s a monster.

I absolutely know that she flew to Yorkshire in her private jet to build the dry stone wall that my brand-new car collided with; it was the nicest car I’ve ever owned and paid for with a bequest from my lovely dad who died last year.

Earlier the grey cat was on the bed just relaxing and then the black cat came in, shouted at him, pushed him off the bed, slapped him and called him an "RAWEELOT GRRRRMPLER."
Then she went off.
Later I found a copy of a book called "How to swear in Cat" in the black cat's school bag. Guess who wrote the book? Yup. J.K. Meowling.

I hope that JKR sees this thread and it gives her a bit of a laugh, even though she is personally responsible for the amount of chocolate I have eaten today.

I had an itch I couldn’t reach and it’s ALL HER FAULT.

She probably is the one who started it!
Oh wait that was me.
She MADE me do it with WITCHCRAFT!

I’ve had a horrible back ache for the past three days, and it is clearly J K Rowling who caused it.

My chickens have just escaped and I've had to spend ages out in vile weather trying to get them back in their run again. Don't try telling me that it was anyone other than JKR who didn't fasten the gate properly. And she caused the gales which then blew said unfastened gate open. Come on, who else could be responsible?

I keep losing things, waste ages looking for them, then find them somewhere obvious. Pretty clear that JKR has been around.

Oh, and now my dentist is closed for staff training today so I can't make an appointment. Nice one Jo.

I didnt RTFT before commenting. JKR made me do it. #JKRMMDI

I have heartburn because I drank too much coffee because I was tired after staying up too late reading her article in The Times. It was such a long article because she went into so much detail.
Wordy bitch.

A roll of wrapping paper fell out the bottom of my pram in town today and it's lost forever, all thanks to JK!

I may have shot the sheriff, but it was JK who shot the deputy. And it wasn’t in self defence.

.

JK Rowling turned this thread into an Inferius!