All the bad things JKR has done. A history.

[WandaWomblesaurus73]

I think this is a good time to go over all the bad things JKR has done (as started on the did he or didn't he Jon Stewart thread)

Earlier, I went into the bathroom and I noticed JK Rowling had moved the cat litter tray so I stood in a little bit of cat poop.

JKR is the little voice inside our heads that tells us if someone is a man or a woman.
She told Roy Orbison that the pretty person walking down the street was a woman.
She told James Blunt that the beautiful person in the subway was a woman.
She told Peter Andre that the mysterious person was a girl.
She is The Assigninator.

JKR is the keeper of the Gender Sorting Hat responsible for all the assigning at birth business; & she murdered Albus Dumbledore to death for daring to say You know, I sometimes think we Sort too soon….

She also forced me to eat a vegan crunchie bar for breakfast this morning. At wandpoint. Yes she did.

She made my DH buy bagels without checking if we already had some bagels and now the bread bin is full of too many bagels.
On top of that she made me gluten intolerant.

She also wrote a baking book called the Bunbury Baking Guide For Witches Who Won't Wheesht and every recipe works perfectly.

Smug bitch.

vegan crunchie bar for breakfast this morning

I blame JKR for the fact that I now know this exists and is considered a viable breakfast option.

However, I also assign full responsibility to JKR for the fact that a member of my household has decided that what I need this evening is a faux rice that contains both riced cauliflower and glucomannan rice. There has to be some dissembling spell in place and JKR is the likeliest source.

I had no idea glucomannan came in a rice version. I grew microbes many years ago which used glucomannan as almost their only carbon source. I used to buy konjac noodles from a Japanese shop to add to the medium, they were hell-a-fiddly to get into the narrow anaerobe tubes. (I don't think any of this is JKR fault though).

@Igneococcus

I had no idea glucomannan came in a rice version. I grew microbes many years ago which used glucomannan as almost their only carbon source. I used to buy konjac noodles from a Japanese shop to add to the medium, they were hell-a-fiddly to get into the narrow anaerobe tubes. (I don't think any of this is JKR fault though).

Zero Rice, Slim Rice, Palmini Rice, and Miracle Rice are the names you need to search for if looking for the faux (konjac) rice that should be seasoned with the salt tears of the deceived before it is eaten on the throne of lies. (After a quick look at Amazon I'm taken aback by the number of brands available.)

I'd definitely blame JKR for the faff of handling anaerobe tubes.

I love working with anaerobes usually but trying to get equal amounts of floppy noodles into Hungate tubes was pretty tedious.
I hope Konjac improved in taste since then, I can still remember the smell and I didn't want to eat it and I eat pretty much anyything except liquorice.

This morning She Who Must Not Be Named had hidden the source of the vegan crunchies under a digital invisibility cloak so I could not direct EmbarrassingHadrosaurus to them. She is frankly cavalier when it comes to our ability to restore ourselves after fending off Dementors…

It's JKR's fault there was meat in Crunchies to begin with.

It's JKR's fault that Billy Bragg keeps talking shit on Twitter.

If she wasn't constantly sticking her wand in him he would maybe stfu and eat a crunchie.

It's JK Rowling's fault that I have started to listen to the audiobook of The Ink Black Heart on top of buying the hardback book for my partner.
She came into my house, FORCED me to go to my Amazon, ordered the book in paper and audio form, added some Fantastic Beasts and Harry Potter merchandise to my cart and then checked out!

She poked me in the ribs when I objected with her sharp typing calloused fingers and sneered in a raspy voice "Do it Terf-face."

And then she laughed that laugh of hers. You know the one. The laugh that sounds like the taste of mulled wine and pigs in blankets on Christmas Eve.

JKR came to my house while I was out. She made a 3 course dinner for a bunch of people I don't know, but didn't leave me any. She also used all my pots and pans and didn't wash up after!

I tell you, she's a one woman menace to society

Its JKs fault my DDs Yr5 class have had a brilliant term learning folklore, doing explosive science experiments, writing stories and learning about space, and will be having epic dress up day on Monday as they pretend to be at Hogwarts. Plus a well anticipated trip to a certain studios next month. Its apparently the favourite topic throughout the school and frequently mentioned by the Yr6s leaving.

Its truly horrific that 9/10yos get to enjoy school this much!

I think it was JKR who pushed a 26kg dumbbell off the bench onto my big toe. My toe was very black and the nail is about to drop off 😥

Bitch just smudged one of my nails when I spent ages painting them.

😯
She does good things for children.
Omg, dreadful woman.

Meat crunchies?! Is it like pork crackling?

I am gutted to report that JKR must have used her tremendous wealth to buy the last 2022 Royal Arms 1/10oz gold bullion coin at the Royal Mint, depriving a 12 year old of a coin he spent months saving up for, so now he has to put up with a skanky 2023 Britannia 1/10oz gold bullion coin instead.

Are there no depths she won't stoop to?

We reckon she uses them as buttons because why else would she want such titchy coins?

JKR forbade Dunelm to share actual dimensions/sizes of their blanket hoodie things; instead they mock us with their folded sizes on the website, & customer services promise to email the information & do not. Those of us who routinely wear children’s clothes (I mean buy from the childrenswear dept; am not mugging the nation’s youth to fulfil my sartorial needs/desires) need to know if we actually need to work out for the adult size or not in this instance.

@Brokendaughter
To fill her big vault of gold at Gringotts for swimming in like Scrooge McDuck?

@NitroNine are you meaning on the House ones? I've taken a guess its the same size as the other ones they sell.

She made me fall in love with Cormoran Strike. A love that will always be unrequited. She made me read the books. She put him into my head and my heart but it's Robin and her flawless alabaster skin and strawberry blonde hair he loves 😭

@PuttingDownRoots
Yes - am trying to work out if I can get away with the kids’ medium or need to spring for the adult one. It’s transpired wearable blankets are the garments of my dreams (no pun intended…) - I have ordered a Hedwig one from M&S yes, I know using some of my cripple!bonus antifreeze payment.

JKR pushed me, causing me to trip over the stupid threshold that a previous cheapskate occupant didn't pay to have removed when the extension was built, fall hard on the floor, causing a huge "golf ball" to swell up on my knee, and later bruised knees and shins, smashing my laundry basket up in the process, what a biatch.

JKR was instrumental in getting Edinburgh Council to go ahead with the tram extension even before the public enquiry finished thus making it near impossible for me to get around my city for THREE FUCKING YEARS.