All the bad things JKR has done. A history.

[WandaWomblesaurus73]

I think this is a good time to go over all the bad things JKR has done (as started on the did he or didn't he Jon Stewart thread)

Earlier, I went into the bathroom and I noticed JK Rowling had moved the cat litter tray so I stood in a little bit of cat poop.

She wrote amazing descriptions of huge delicious meals

Tbf George RR Martin was doing that first

Oh, @SleepOhHowIMissYou you silly sausage! A full English in an American theme park? Surely a guarantee that it will be as dust & ashes. In this instance, perhaps with the tiniest sprinkling of Floo Powder? However, a wickedness to have it as a menu item, because so many people will be tempted, even knowing, logically, what disappointment must await.

JKR made me realise that there is such a thing as MALTESER REINDEERS that cost 19p at the clear-out section in UK shops, but we will never Get them in my country.
I cry. Curses!

If we do ever get them in my country they will cost a small farm and be crushed to bits in the bag.
I cry again.

Get ahead of JKR @turbonerd: resist the chocolate & with the savings invest in that small farm, then use it to make your fortune:
• owl displays (with Muggle participation of course)
• “unicorn” & “abraxan” rides
• “Quidditch”
• a soft play area (that adults can use too)

• glamping • encouraging children to hunt for Fantastic Beasts with pond-dipping/bug-hunting/making biodegradable bird feeders • offering classes in making [non-alcoholic] cocktails (potions) • all kinds of garden-centre type-stuff (Herbology) • learning about real frogs • making chocolate frogs (& setting up a frog card exchange for swapsies) • A GIFT SHOP that you can stock malteser reindeer in with the justification maltesers are a chocolate beloved of British muggles & the reindeer follows the animal theme. You could add on others that do too - the proper fancy Wizarding World ones, but also Freddo frogs; Percy Pig & Colin the Caterpillar sweets; ALL the different supermarket caterpillar cakes; MooFree Choccy Chums; Cadbury’s Animal Biscuits… and of course you’d need to sell sherbet lemons…

Well, that is just genius.
Is that you JKR?
😂

@bishophaha

She wrote amazing descriptions of huge delicious meals

Tbf George RR Martin was doing that first

Tolkien did it earlier than that! I wouldn't want to eat anything in Game of Thrones if the rancid meat stew is anything to go by!

Actually one of her influences was probably the amazing food descriptions in a book called The Little White Horse which I had as a child.

It's JKR's fault that I reread that book and have now put on several dress sizes by trying to faithfully recreate the iced flower sugar biscuits and the luscious cream filled syllabub featured within its magical pages.

Enid Blyton was a bugger for the food descriptions as well. It's a source of constant sadness that I will never enjoy a pop cake (Magic Faraway Tree) or toffee shock.

@SirSamuelVimes

You could try your own?

www.inliterature.net/by-book/the-magic-faraway-tree/2018/07/pop-cakes-the-magic-faraway-tree.html

nunnthewiser.com/food/lets-cook-the-books-the-magic-faraway-tree/

From a recommendation on another board, I bought 'Cherry Cake and Ginger Beer' (a receipe book of items from children's literature. It's brilliant - muffins (from Millie-Molly-Mandy) particularly nice.

It wouldn't be the same, @Waitwhat23 ! I want actual magic food

@SirSamuelVimes ah, fair play. The villainy of JKR in describing magical treats (actual jumping chocolate frogs for example) which are unattainable knows no bounds. She clearly used some sort of dastardly time travel in order to influence other writers.

Well she did invent time turners so that makes sense.

@turbonerd

Clothes torn, your hair slightly singed from an encounter with a Welsh Green dragon, you edge your way into the palatial book-lined study & creep towards the enormous desk at the far end of the room. The winged chair behind the desk is turned away from it to face the window that spans almost the width of the room, providing a stunning view of forest, lake, and mountains - and a remarkable number of owls of all sizes and hues criss-crossing the sky. So true is it to its name that you don’t see the Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder as it is flung into the air just as you reach the desk - it has already plunged the room (despite its enormous window) into a darkness so complete it is almost tangible. You dare not move, disoriented by the impenetrable opacity by which you surrounded; but the occupant of the room has no such qualms - as soon as the powder takes effect there is a slight creak creak of the chair, and mischievous laughter that diminuendoes as the accompanying running footsteps fade away. Resigned, you turn away from the desk, drop to your hands & knees, & begin to crawl towards - you hope - the door. The room feels even larger than it did when you walked across it, and you have an uncomfortable sense of being watched, so you are hugely relieved to finally reach the door and get out. As you take a moment to recover from the experience, sitting with your knees drawn up to your front, leaning against the wall, a large fluffy white kneazle exits the room. It gives you an appraising look, gently butts at your ankle with its head, then trots away down the corridor with a swish and flick of its bottlebrush tail…

On an unrelated note, J K Rowling has stolen my glasses-cleaning wipes, drat the woman. Shameless, that’s what she is. This is ABLEISM, this is. And probably sectarianism violence as well.

Rowling just made my cat vomit in my shoe.
Again.

@WandaWomblesaurus73

Rowling just made my cat vomit in my shoe. Again.

That's not a cat. It's one of her familiars.

I've just discovered it's not my shoe either. It's a fucking portkey. Now I'm standing on the top of a hill in the Highlands in my pyjamas.

@NitroNine

Forgotten what it was, because of JKR, but it looks as though for the first time in History I have managed to tag someone!!

Ha!!!
I did!!
I did tag you 🙅🏼‍♀️🙅🏼‍♀️🙀😸

Are you off that hill yet Wanda? If you are on any of the hills close to me I can bring you a cup of tea and some breakfast.

She ate a starling...whole, then vomited it up on the landing carpet so my younger sister skidded on it! Or, she made the cat do it. Either way, 30-odd years later, it still makes me chuckle even though I had to clean it up. Long streak of bird guts...yuck! Obviously, I'm conflicted.

Now I remember why I tagged Nitronine: for the beautifully written post that made me WANT to be lightly singed after a tussle with a dragon, and then be engulfed my magic darkness in a magnificent study. And I want to know the name of the large fluffy white kneazle.
Please. 🤓

She gave me measles when I was ten.

She caused the end of the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

She’s in the kitchen now rustling up some coffee. Bless!