All the bad things JKR has done. A history.

[WandaWomblesaurus73]

I think this is a good time to go over all the bad things JKR has done (as started on the did he or didn't he Jon Stewart thread)

Earlier, I went into the bathroom and I noticed JK Rowling had moved the cat litter tray so I stood in a little bit of cat poop.

Had it not?... >sadface<

I like some of the dancers' hand gestures, though. Clearly from New Jersey, they were. 😁

I was standing at the bus stop in the rain when a tall purple bus went past at high speed near the pavement, straight through a deep puddle, completely soaking myself and the family of five next to me.

JK Rowling was the driving the bus.

She stole my family tree to make her wizarding world!

(I've found a marriage between a Gaunt and a Longbottom today when researching my family tree online!)

Er, did anyone else in this thread just hear a burst of anguine utterances?

For reasons known only to herself, J K Rowling has caused an order of dog poo bags to have spent the day claiming it will arrive here by 10pm, despite said items not, according to the tracker service, at any point leaving the parcel depot (which, for avoidance of all doubt, I don’t live anywhere near).

Perhaps she’s planning to apparate along with them at the 11th hour (or, well, more the 9th hour?) in a moment of Dramatic Rescue? Or perhaps I should just accept she is almost certainly sprawled happily on the landing by the top of her mansion’s imposing staircase, surrounded by craft things, & using her ill gotten poo-bags as parachutes for suitably sized items of HP merch. (If you’re missing dental floss, string, thread or wool I think we know who has it…)

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

She stole my family tree to make her wizarding world!

(I've found a marriage between a Gaunt and a Longbottom today when researching my family tree online!)

that's so cool!!!!

@WandaWomblesaurus73

I was standing at the bus stop in the rain when a tall purple bus went past at high speed near the pavement, straight through a deep puddle, completely soaking myself and the family of five next to me.

JK Rowling was the driving the bus.

I saw that happen! She was driving without a licence too!

(This morning I remembered about her trees outside her home engulfing the lampposts and laughed my head off )

I do hope JKR and/or her staff have seen this thread 😂😂 there days will have been brightened (as have mine)

sorry .... their

All those crazy substitutes on your online food delivery that’s JKR, she has bewitched all the supermarket computers. So when you are looking at a strawberry yogurt instead of a banana and sanitary pads instead of nappies or they say there is no sliced bread in stock you know who to blame!

JKR takes up all the spaces in the school car park. Every morning & afternoon.

@NitroNine

Er, did anyone else in this thread just hear a burst of anguine utterances?

For reasons known only to herself, J K Rowling has caused an order of dog poo bags to have spent the day claiming it will arrive here by 10pm, despite said items not, according to the tracker service, at any point leaving the parcel depot (which, for avoidance of all doubt, I don’t live anywhere near).

Perhaps she’s planning to apparate along with them at the 11th hour (or, well, more the 9th hour?) in a moment of Dramatic Rescue? Or perhaps I should just accept she is almost certainly sprawled happily on the landing by the top of her mansion’s imposing staircase, surrounded by craft things, & using her ill gotten poo-bags as parachutes for suitably sized items of HP merch. (If you’re missing dental floss, string, thread or wool I think we know who has it…)

You know what’s going to happen don’t you? You will get your poo bags ok, but they will, as the adverts say, be “pre-loved”................ the woman has a twisted sense of humour. She did something similar with a box of tunnocks I bought as a secret treat for myself. All the chocolate licked off. Every one. I wept real tears.

@Blueberryflavour
Such is her power that she managed to break through my “no substitutes” setting on my order this week. To replace my vegan “chicken” kievs with vegan “fish” somethings, which is a dreadful thing to do to someone whose brain is so disgusted by the distant memory of fish that it uses it as a seizure smaste.
Why Jo, why?

(As a side note, why can’t temporal lobe seizures smell/taste of NICE things? There are loads of nice things that are distinctive & memorable, but instead you get mind-mangled AND want to brush your teeth & gargle 5eva. Ewww.)

Mercifully, @viques, she took pity - they arrived safely, unused & unopened, albeit with the knockdown ginger delivery technique having apparently been stepped up to hurling parcels in the general direction of front doors; the THUD! of the collision to serve in place of knocking. So I got scared witless by it arriving very late - & loudly - with no warning, but at least they’re fit for use!

That is a teacake travesty. Has she no shame at all?! I suppose the only thing you can do now is buy yourself double Tunnocks every time, just to try to thwart her wicked ways.

She wrote amazing descriptions of huge delicious meals and that made people eat and now everyone's fat and there's an obesity crisis and she caused it.

@iguanadonna

She wrote amazing descriptions of huge delicious meals and that made people eat and now everyone's fat and there's an obesity crisis and she caused it.

That is true. I crave treacle tart almost constantly now, all due to JKR's Harry Potter and The Most Epic of Puddings.

God dammit!

@iguanadonna

She wrote amazing descriptions of huge delicious meals and that made people eat and now everyone's fat and there's an obesity crisis and she caused it.

This is true. Unforgivable yet delicious.

@viques if you had been foolish enough to buy Tunnock's snowballs, no doubt JKR would have poked her finger into the centre of each one, destroying its structural integrity. I simply wouldn't put it past her.

Is nothing sacred?

She just made Ronnie O'Sullivan pot the white.

And she made Zhao Xintong lose yesterday.

[quote Waitwhat23]@viques if you had been foolish enough to buy Tunnock's snowballs, no doubt JKR would have poked her finger into the centre of each one, destroying its structural integrity. I simply wouldn't put it past her.

Is nothing sacred?[/quote]
Don’t put ideas into her head, she’s got enough of her own!

She would probably hide stuff in the snowballs, bits of coal, feathers, Lego ,tiny things without mouth appeal.

On second thoughts. No, no she wouldn’t do that, I’m making it up, scroll on by JK, scroll on by.

JKR broke into my house and added a load of extra chilli to my daal for this week. Thanks Joanne!

She wrote an amazing play, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, and I was obliged to spend hundreds of £££ on tickets for me and my 10 year old daughter to have a brilliant day out in London last week seeing the play, going out for dinner etc. The absolute audacity of that woman.

Count yourself lucky @HerculesMulligann: She Who Must Not Be Named obliviated me after I saw Harry Potter and the Cursed Child for the first time (one way to ensure I deserved my “keep the secrets” badges I suppose ); so on repeat reviewing I again experienced such genuine & visceral fear that I basically climbed into the lap of the person beside me Suppose at least it was the person I was there with rather than a random stranger; & in my defence, there was a certain element of said individual clutching at me as if I were their last-conjured patronus & their wand had just snapped…

And on the subject of food, all the people whining about how JKR has cruelly booted them out of Hogwarts now they are 40 by having opinions that mean they would be “unsafe” there acromantula, dark magic, Death Eaters, dementors, dragons, lethifolds, snatchers, Umbridge, vampires, Voldemort, werewolves (etc) obviously fine Do Not Know They Are Born. Rowling & her Hogwarts meals have been shamelessly oppressing everyone with any kind of dietary restriction who wants to attend Hogwarts. Including, might I just add, having chocolate as a panacea - first you send a student into anaphylaxis at their meal Jo; then the “cure” kills them. Lovely.

And now I am going to have to eat some NoMo caramel chocolate to recover from the absolute trauma recalling & sharing this has put me through.

Last time I was at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios Florida, JKR bewitched me with her temping plastic facsimile of a Full English Breakfast in the Leaky Cauldron in Diagon Alley. Judging by the taste and texture, I think she actually swapped my breakfast out with the plastic food in the window. Why JKR? Why?

Shes done a Vanishing Charm on DDs Vub Necker. And sneaks into DDs room to mess up her clothes, drawers and toys.

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

Last time I was at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios Florida, JKR bewitched me with her temping plastic facsimile of a Full English Breakfast in the Leaky Cauldron in Diagon Alley. Judging by the taste and texture, I think she actually swapped my breakfast out with the plastic food in the window. Why JKR? Why?

Well reminded. JKR is making me want, nay need, to spend thousands of pounds taking my family to Orlando so that we can go to the wizarding world park.

That ones actually a vaguely genuine complaint I really, really want to go for both my own sake and the DDs, but I do resent quite how much money it's all going to cost me!

(And not just in merchandise spending money for me!)