All the bad things JKR has done. A history.

[WandaWomblesaurus73]

I think this is a good time to go over all the bad things JKR has done (as started on the did he or didn't he Jon Stewart thread)

Earlier, I went into the bathroom and I noticed JK Rowling had moved the cat litter tray so I stood in a little bit of cat poop.

JKR makes CrynKeef throw things in his bucket.

JKR is the real Keizer Soze!

JKR has evil superpowers. She cast a spell to destroy Daniel Radcliffe's acting talent. And Emma Watson's, and Rupert Grint's. If you don't believe me, have a look at their work since the Harry Potter films.

I had this genius idea about a series of books I was going to write just last week, about this kid who wore glasses & had a scar & lived under the stairs but then it turned out he was magic.

What do you know?
JK stole it from me, stole the Tardis & nipped back in time to publish it before I could even finish coming up with a title or decide what my author pic was going to look like.
I hadn't even had time to pick a font!

There goes my career as a world famous writer of books about Wizard schools.

Just hope she hasn't heard my latest one about Fantastic Beasts...

oh.

I need to change my username

JKR took my sense of humour! You all need to get a grip, I tell you! A grip!

She made me eat a huge portion of cheese & crackers instead of a salad

And she's always adding things to my Amazon basket

She gave my children a love of learning, books and cemented phrases such as "don't be such a Dudley" in our lives forever ...

A close friend is very well connected. He was telling me apparently the woke kid actor crew all contacted JK to apologise in advance of their virtue signalling - as they dont really believe their denouncements, but it is what it is JK 'sure you understand' etc.

If that really is true and is the case - well fucking spineless little fuckers does not even begin to express how I feel about that!

I guess I will never really know.

@AgeingDoc

JKR is responsible for all the times pizza goes from cheese barely melting to completely incinerated in the time it takes to pick up the oven gloves. Also she has all my missing teaspoons and odd socks.

I have it on good authority that the socks were used to free numerous house elves. What a cow, depriving people of their home help before dinner.

I know someone who knows her and apparently she has Shergar. Still alive. In her stable block.

AND she nicked the so-called Elgin Marbles and hid them in the British Museum.

And it was her that persuaded Harold to lead his troops down to the bottom of the hill in the Battle of Hastings, and we all know how that ended. Good old roast Ox becomes fine dining beef

JK Rowling made my cats [think they’re] part-Kneazle, with no regard for how awkward it would make it to have people at my home. She has also made them the most dreadful bedhogs. Shameless.

JKR creeps into my flat at night and makes me grow three long hairs on my chin.

Why JKR? Why?

JKR bit me and it really hurt... in fact it's still hurting.. OWWWW

@FortunaMajor

It was JK Rowling who told your Mum Mr Frosty was rubbish and that's why you didn't get one for Christmas.

That's it. I'm starting a bonfire and burning all her books.

You know those men who could have written books much better than HP, but for some odd reason never do?

The same men who play football much better than anyone on the national team, but for some odd reason never get picked to play?

That’s JKR at work. She hides their book & football contracts under her bed.

She made my dog eat something suspect on her walk and now she has insufferable flatulence. Thanks for that JK.

She made me get chicken casserole out of the freezer last night, so we have to eat it. I now want a black pudding supper. Fukksake.

Console yourself with your chicken casserole HaroldMeeker

She’ll have eaten all the black puddings in your area anyway.

Probably.
Greedy mare.

Whether or not “Witch Burning in the Fourteenth Century Was Completely Pointless” Wendelin the Weird JK Rowling enjoyed being burned so much that she allowed herself to be caught no less than forty-seven times in various disguises. She then performed a basic Flame Freezing Charm and pretended to shriek with pain while enjoying a gentle, tickling sensation.*

No thought at all for the poor innocent Muggles caught up in the panic she helped prolong…

• “A History of Magic”, Bathilda Bagshot (1947)

apparently she has Shergar
Well of course! Doesn't everyone know that JKR is actually code for Jo Kidnaps Racehorses?

She turned my son into a fish finger :(

I was walking to work this morning and realised that I had my skirt tucked into the back of my knickers. A saggy grey pair of knickers that had a hole in them.

JK Rowling had gone into my underwear drawer, made a hole in the knickers with a bic biro, put a spell on me to make me wear them and then did a Skirtus Flappus charm to make my skirt tuck into them and then as I noticed and tried to correct the problem she made me slip in eggy seagull poo.

From my humiliated position on the cold pavement I suddenly heard a giggle. A small child was laughing at me and pointing and I noticed they had a Harry Potter t-shirt on.
She has minions.