All the bad things JKR has done. A history.

[WandaWomblesaurus73]

I think this is a good time to go over all the bad things JKR has done (as started on the did he or didn't he Jon Stewart thread)

Earlier, I went into the bathroom and I noticed JK Rowling had moved the cat litter tray so I stood in a little bit of cat poop.

I've heard she stolen a TARDIS from Gallifrey, and is planning a Cyber man vs Dalek War.

Do you know what she did?

She wrote a bloody series of detective books that were so fucking good I have stayed up till 2am reading every night for the past week. (And then mashing buy it now on kindle so I can start the next one) I’m back at work this week and I’m fucking exhausted. My eyes are sore from reading and i STILL can’t put the fucking thing down.

She’s enchanted the damn books, that’s what she’s done. The bloody ebook version of the redshoes.

She stole all the salt from the new KFC thats just opened, which is why my son didnt get any salt packets with his chips, not once but twice this week!

JKR is the reason it didn't snow here on Christmas day 😞 Grinch.

JKR keeps distracting me from The Christmas Pig with FWR. Presumably playing a very long & twisty-turny game there…

JKR put a hex on the contents of the big kitchen cupboard, so that when I took everything out to clean it, there was too much stuff to fit back in.
(Anyone need a h-u-g-e pale green casserole dish?)

JKR gave one of the dogs nightmares, so that we were awakened in the middle of the night by the most blood curdling howl you have ever heard.

JKR put the stones in avocados.

@Moneypennysfreedomfund

She stopped my ganache from setting properly She personally ensured that the Boxer puppy we bought 11 years ago still acts like a puppy Also made my spaniel pee on the floor in the vets because he was scared ….

That's an interesting one. I'm a good baker and I can make all sorts of interesting icing/ frosting , including the uncooked meringue one into which you then whip mountains of butter. The recipe warns " it might curdle" Ha, no it doesn't- not on my watch.

BUT I rarely manage to make a cream cheese frosting work. Whether I put the cheese in first and add the icing sugar or put the icing sugar in first and add the cheese- it's runny more often than not.

I hadn't thought it might be her malign influence but that makes sense. The times it has worked she was probably spoiling someone else's ganache.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

I've heard she stolen a TARDIS from Gallifrey, and is planning a Cyber man vs Dalek War.

Actually if she could arrange a mass shoot out so each is exterminated by the other that would be good.

They've both run their course. The New Year Dr Who was v. dull.

JK Rowling told Gary Oldman not to go out with me.

aaahhh.... another Gary Oldman fan? No-one in my RL understands my devotion! (Since Rosencrantz and Guildernstern are Dead days- I am n for the long haul).

JKR makes me sit in my dressing gown for most of the morning so that when someone comes to the door I have to explain that I have been too busy to get dressed.

IcedCoffee you've just enhanced my weekend viewing, will dig out Rosencrantz and add to In The Heat of The Night. Best weekend watch in ages

Careful MN, you're one step away from full on Glinner madness. You'll be sending people creepy cakes to their homes soon.

TBH I kinda resent her for killing Albus Dumbledore, Remus Lupin and Fred Weasley. I didn't finish the second to last book (I gave it away) and I didn't bother with the last. I started reading the books because I wanted a magical Mallory Towers with happy endings and it all sent pear-shaped.

@highame

JKR makes me sit in my dressing gown for most of the morning so that when someone comes to the door I have to explain that I have been too busy to get dressed.

IcedCoffee you've just enhanced my weekend viewing, will dig out Rosencrantz and add to In The Heat of The Night. Best weekend watch in ages

Great idea! have fun. :)

I was thinking of JKR as I dunked a ginger nut in my tea - just then half of it fell off into the cup. She is a weapon!

Wrong side [of history] @theqentity: harassing J K Rowling at her home (& online, & via her publishers…) is the preserve of TRAs.

This is - you may need to sit down in a comfy chair there’s no risk of your falling from before you continue reading - a silly thread. Designed to mock the [emerging] trend for blaming JKR for the world’s ills; to act as a pressure valve via utter ridiculousness (or possibly casting Riddikulus); & to serve as a break from what can be quite heavy & at times even distressing discourse in this sub-forum.

Contrary to Ms Lauper’s assertion, girls don’t just want to have fun, but when the occasion presents itself we’re not averse. (Oh & we can even understand that while using “girls” to refer to ADULT human females can be problematic, making lyrics - or indeed poetry - scan may require it; so please no dredging up of anyone objecting to said usage.)

JKR made my husband start snoring like a drowning warthog. JKR also made the expensive earplugs I ordered get lost in the post so I still end up decamping to the couch.
JKR is responsible for every unsolved crime. Zodiac killer? JKR. Jack the Ripper? JKR. She also has all the missing gold from the Brinks Matt Job. I have my suspicions about the two princes in the tower too.

She's got too much Goddess Energy, for sure. I think she might have my share of it.m

@theqentity

Careful MN, you're one step away from full on Glinner madness. You'll be sending people creepy cakes to their homes soon.

Have you got a recipe for this "creepy cake" you speak of? JK Rowling keeps ruining my muffins by making my brain unable to follow recipes, edicts and compelled speech.

I've found a great "creepy cake" recipe - a Chocolate Monster Book of Monsters.

JKR will ruin it though by putting her long arms through my window and adding too much baking powder to the mix making it bitter and twisted.

I keep forgetting what I go into a room for. JKR obviously has cast a spell on my short-term memory!

@CeratopsofthePharoahs

JKR made my husband start snoring like a drowning warthog. JKR also made the expensive earplugs I ordered get lost in the post so I still end up decamping to the couch. JKR is responsible for every unsolved crime. Zodiac killer? JKR. Jack the Ripper? JKR. She also has all the missing gold from the Brinks Matt Job. I have my suspicions about the two princes in the tower too.

DB Cooper? Look no further than JK Rowling. The two initials and a surname set up means she's practically confessed!

JKR gets my own hand and punches me with it while saying "Stop hitting yourself ". She also licks her finger and sticks it in my ear.

All husbandly snoring is JKR's doing, clearly.