Man in women's loos - did o overreact?

[MakeTeaNotWar]

Went to a live music venue last night. In a very woke seaside town on the south coast for context. At the end of the night, I popped to the loo before leaving for home. As so often happens, the queue for ladies was lengthy, no real queue for the gents.

I joined the queue and noticed the person in front of me wasn't a man just keeping his partner company while she waited as I first thought, but a man waiting to use the toilet. He was not a trans woman, he was a man and a drunk one at that.

I told him he was in the wrong queue and pointed to the gents. He said he wanted to use these toilets. I asked why, he said they are gender neutral so he can. (I don't know if they are - they probably are as they had a multitude of arrows on the door.)

I said I am a woman needing to use the woman's facilities and I would do so, ahead of him.

The queue of women turned on me and said I couldn't block him, repeating these are gender neutral toilets. I said I cannot use a urinal and indeed went in front of him to use the loo first. When I had finished, I called the woman behind him to come forward and use the loo, which she did.

The other women very cross with me for blocking him and asserted he was perfectly entitled to use these toilets.

Did I do the wrong thing? I've thought about contacting the venue to understand what their loo provision is and asking was it right to have a man in the ladies (or are they gender neutral? Can anyone use the "gents")?

Thanks for reading long post

@Platax

If they were gender neutral then you had no right whatsoever to ban someone from them.

She had absolutely every right. Why would a man want to queue up to use a female toilet when the male toilets don’t have a queue? Dodgy as hell. And you’re supporting a man??? So called ‘gender neutral’ toilets are supposed to be self contained cubicles with floor to ceiling doors and a sink inside - not female toilets with a poster on the door.

@FrancescaContini

I’m pretty sure I know where you were 😆

Me too, in my head I said ‘Brighton’ 🤣

Love it OP! At the very least a few women and a man know now that this "gender neutral" nonsense isn't accepted by everyone.

Well done. The man sounds like a creep. I'm sure there were other women in the queue silently agreeing with you.

@ChiefInspectorParker

Well, I for one commend you. Well done. The last thing women need is men going unchallenged in this kind of scenario.

Absolutely. Well done OP. 🏅

So there’s a men’s and a gender neutral- That’s it?

I’m impressed at your guts in challenging it.

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

I think the whole thing hinges on whether the toilets were in fact gender neutral or not! Loads of places have them now. I’m not sure what you mean by not being able to tell because they had loads of arrows on them though. I would have asked at the venue there and then if I’d been you, tbh, so you know for next time.

But then... I don’t recognise ‘gender neutal’ loos of they have separate ones that have urinals (and therefore, male loos).

Also op, the government is moving away from endorsing gender neutral loos.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10148817/Men-women-separate-toilets-plans-away-gender-neutral-loos.html

I hope I would have done what OP did. I've spent too bloody long waiting for the ladies (often with DC at foot) while the men breeze in and out of their own provision.

Sodding cheek of that bloke. Arsehole or creep, one or the other.

'Be kiiiind' is causing women to forget that boundaries are a good thing.

@FrancescaContini @brokenbiscuitsx Hove, actually!

I also live in a woke seaside town and remember going to a venue in the before times where they had put "gender neutral" signs on all the doors. What then happened was two long queues full of women - one for the women's (a row of stalls, no floor to ceiling doors, separate row of basins) and one for the men's (same set up + a row of urinals).

I saw one man come down the stairs, look at the queues with a confused expression, and take himself away

I've got an event at the same venue in a couple of weeks so maybe I should ring them in advance. I suspect they will have the same terrible set up. Perhaps we should have a template letter outlining the regulations, that we can send. What do you do then, report them to the council? Not that that would help here, the council is woke af

I'm so happy that you took a stand! I'd have been right behind you! Well done.

@allmywhat

I think you were brilliant, OP. Exactly why did he “want to use these toilets?” Ugh. I despair of the women who told you off.

Particularly as the ladies' queue is usually v long. Gents is quicker.

So the women’s toilet was gender neutral so everyone can use them and the men’s toilet was for men only?

Depends if they were gender neutral or not. If they are then you should challenge the venue rather than the individuals. If they aren't, then well done you.

@MakeTeaNotWar

Thanks yes - I will contact the venue. As far as I could tell there was a ladies and a gents. But the ladies were also gender neutral. But not self contained rooms, the usual set up of multiple stalls in a room with hand washing basins outside.

Tbh I think it was a drunk bloke being an arse and upsetting women. But the women supported him

So the men get to keep their space but the women don’t? Is that where we are heading? Well done for speaking up OP.

I work with a man who would do this because hes desparate to prove a point and also be different. I find it incredibly hard not to eye roll when he introduces 'themself'.

[quote Datun]Also op, the government is moving away from endorsing gender neutral loos.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10148817/Men-women-separate-toilets-plans-away-gender-neutral-loos.html[/quote]
Good! I'm glad to see this. If you have a penis use the men's and a vagina use the women's.

OP well done for taking a stand, I would have challenged it too.

@MarshmallowSwede

So the women’s toilet was gender neutral so everyone can use them and the men’s toilet was for men only?

I assume though as that’s what seems to happen around here. The womens gets changed to a unisex 😠

Assumed so*

“Depends if they were gender neutral or not”

Can we not just refer to mixed sex vs single sex?

What on earth does fictional inner “gender” essence have to do with going to the toilet? And if the answer is “sex sounds a bit rude, you know, like having sex tee hee” then can’t everyone just grow up?

Bloody well done, OP!

I think we all need to stop using the term "gender neutral" toilets whenever and wherever possible (it has AFAIK, no legal basis in law) and refer to these toilets as mixed sex. That really makes everyone think.

Don't use unisex as a term either as there are rules that apply for toilets to be properly considered unisex.

“Depends if they were gender neutral or not”

What is gender @RacketeerRalph ?