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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Help me find the best answer to “Cheer up, love”?

165 replies

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 09/03/2021 16:51

I live near a really beautiful park. A few times a week in nice weather I walk 5yo dd to school through it, pushing toddler dd2 in the pram, and then walk home (about 1.3 miles each way). It used to be a highlight of my day.

A group of 6-10ish dog walkers, in approx their sixties, gather around a bench on the only path through everyday at about the time i head home. One of them is a loud man who is always holding court and giving his opinion, or bellowing hello to people half way across the park. I never really paid attention and don’t really care what other people do, but he is loud enough i was aware of him.

About last June, i walked through this group (no other paths and a steep slope beside that i can’t push the pram on) and he said loudly “Cheer up, love.” I said “i’m sorry?” He repeated “Cheer up” and added something about how miserable I looked. I snapped that that was a ridiculous thing to say to a total stranger, that he had no idea what was going on in my life, and that I wouldn’t “cheer up” just because he had told me to. My life was nothing to do with him. (As it happens i wasn’t uncheerful, I was just pushing a heavy baby up a steep slope and i’m out of shape, none of which was any of his business).

Unpleasant, but i thought that was the end of it. But ever since, every time I walk home they go silent and stare at me from quite a distance as I approach, whisper to each other whilst staring at me, occasionally call things out to each other about me (“oh it’s her, you’d better mind out” etc) and the loud man always shouts over-exaggerated “good morning” or “feeling cheerful today, are we?” That make all his friends laugh.” As none of them socially distance or wear masks, i often have to do a wide semi-circle around them (wide to keep the pram from overbalancing on the slope) and they often call out patronising advice whilst i do it, whilst making no effort to stand back from the path. I know it sounds innocuous and like i’m imagining this but i assure you in real life it’s really obvious, and quite upsetting. These are a mixed group, mainly women, all in their sixties-ish at 9am and i feel as intimidated as i would faced with teenagers in hoodies on a dark night. I hate the walk i previously loved.

Can anyone suggest anything i could say that would stop it? I am not really shy but i get anxious and any scenario i can imagine (including threatening to inform the police which has flitted across my mind) just leads to more harassment because they would just say innocently that they had done nothing wrong, which technically they haven’t. I just want to be left alone. I don’t know these people, i don’t want to stop them doing what they want to do, i just want to walk through the park in peace and quiet. I am not sorry i called him out on what he originally said, but i wish i’d known that it would lead to a situation where the schools closing actually semi-improved my day for selfish reasons. I will resume walking from this Thursday and would like to go with a few rehearsed responses in my pocket (to cut down the chance i’ll just cry. Again.)

OP posts:
WhiskyWhiskersdottir · 09/03/2021 18:39

“Stop harassing me”
Or
“My mum died”

Wheresmyfuckingphone · 09/03/2021 18:39

Point at him
Make wanker gesture/give him the finger
Grin

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 09/03/2021 18:41

Can i just say that the full gamut of advice here, from serious legal and safety suggestions to mooning and squirting them with my water bottle is EXACTLY why i’m on MN.

I was feeling genuinely anxious and tense when i posted. Now i’m comforted and highly amused. You really are a wonderful bunch of vipers.

OP posts:
CardinalLolzy · 09/03/2021 18:42

I think a simple "I'm asking you again to please leave me alone". Could you go up to (2m away obv!!) one of them and specifically ask them if they could please stop the intimidation now and ask their friends to do the same?

I'd consider reporting it if they didn't stop after this.

hedgehogger1 · 09/03/2021 18:43

"I'd be more cheerful if I wasn't being bullied and harassed by people old enough to know better"

Or

"Just fuck off and leave me alone"

airsealengineer · 09/03/2021 18:46

Do what Moss did on the IT crowd to his park bullies

peanutbutterjimjams · 09/03/2021 18:48

It might be worth bringing it up with the council and asking them to move the bench a bit further from the path since it's difficult to pass it covid-safely. And mention the harassment.

peanutbutterjimjams · 09/03/2021 18:51

Or a super cheery fake-smiled 'Good Morning!' while flipping the middle finger might work too.

MouseTheDog · 09/03/2021 18:56

I would put in headphones. Walk along the path as if they are normal people. Say excuse me. Keep pushing forward and they will move. Say thank you. If they speak to you just point at headphones, sorry can’t hear you! Keep going.

StillWeRise · 09/03/2021 18:59

I'm not sure it's actually legal to film someone without their consent.
If I've understood right, this is a group of mainly women but its a loud mouth man who initiated this, and now continues it with their approval? I think this makes a difference because although it sounds unpleasant they won't see themselves as threatening.
I think the best thing is to be direct and straightforward.
If they are blocking your path ask them to move and wait until they do.
You could say to the man, 'how much longer are you going to carry on with this? It's getting boring. I'd like you to stop now'
and to the women
'Aren't you bored with this by now? I don't like it.

Faffertea · 09/03/2021 19:01

Is your need to shout at strangers due to a medical problem or are you just a prick?

Do you shout at random strangers to compensate for a lack of personality, a tiny dick or both?

Look love (or other patronising name), you’ve been doing this for months now. Are you trying to get my attention or do you just like the sound of your own voice, because, frankly, it’s just a bit pathetic really isn’t it?

I don’t think you’re over reacting I can only ever think of these things later on rather than at the time! Sometimes I have to speak to people in a professional capacity who are obnoxious pricks and my senior colleague once gave me the advice of trying to write out “fuck off” on the roof of my mouth with my tongue. I find it quite therapeutic!

GertrudeKerfuffle · 09/03/2021 19:06

Obviously you couldn't do this in real life but it would be fun to imagine sneaking to the park one night and spray painting 'Cunt Club' on the bench, in day-glo yellow paint.

Blueskytoday06 · 09/03/2021 19:09

Fuck off ?

SpringSunshineandTulips · 09/03/2021 19:20

I like this. Simple and to the point. Hopefully they’d realise that they are harassing and annoying you after you say this.

SpringSunshineandTulips · 09/03/2021 19:23

@PotholeParadies

As you can always rely on him shouting out, maybe having a response to him is the key.

Him: "Feeling cheerful today are we?"
You: "no. I'm being harassed again by you, because you can't get over being told to get your nose out of my life last year. Get over it."

Oops. Was meant to quote what I liked.
BoomBoomsCousin · 09/03/2021 19:30

I do like the idea of the friend as a plant saying "Who put a penny in the dickhead?"

Otherwise, since you've tried the not engaging, I would probably try "Fuck off, tosser." every single time. Not ideal with kids around, but on balance may be better than not.

Seventytwo · 09/03/2021 19:34

Honestly OP, I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of talking back to them - the sad little twats are looking for a reaction. Film them and report them for harassment and breaching covid rules.

Throckmorton · 09/03/2021 19:37

Pop to the park at night and put anti-climb (ie non-drying) paint on the bench...

PenguindreamsofDraco · 09/03/2021 19:39

"Off you fuck Cunty Chops" should do the trick in the acceptable MN manner Grin

DaisiesandButtercups · 09/03/2021 19:40

I can’t imagine how sad this man’s life must be that he seeks attention and tries to feel better about himself by harassing a mum on the school run every day for months. Pretty tragic really.

Craftycorvid · 09/03/2021 19:48

You may well be the only person (read ‘woman’) to stand up to him and he now has some sort of complex about it (why didn’t she just simper and giggle like the girlies do in my dreams, mummy?) I’ve roasted the face off someone for a patronising ‘woman, know your place’ comment before bow (ee, menopause is fun) so I’d probably just yell ‘fuck off!’ I prefer the idea of dobbing them in for illegal gatherings though. Grin

Craftycorvid · 09/03/2021 19:49

Ah before now, I definitely didn’t bow.

happytoday73 · 09/03/2021 19:53

Once you stop bullying me perhaps I will..

30PercentRecycled · 09/03/2021 19:56

Get on your local fb and find out who loves to post about covidiots, especially lovers of naming and shaming. Alert said busybodies to the covid rule breakers and the times they are gathering. Sit back and cackle. Somebody else will take the photo, do the shaming and alert the police. Sweet.

Thelnebriati · 09/03/2021 20:00

Tell me where this bench is, me and my mates will get there first.

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