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Original poster

Gender neutral toilet in Starbucks, and I’m livid

225 replies

MisfitRightIn · 03/11/2020 03:55

I’m completely grossed out by something that happened last weekend. My 7yr DD and I went into what looked to be a brand new Starbucks, for a snack mid-3hr road trip. We live on the west coast US, for context.

Placed our order, then went to use the ladies room. There was no ladies room. The bathroom had a hand written sign saying GENDER NEUTRAL, ONE PERSON OR FAMILY AT A TIME. A man was leaving, and had left the door ajar. Pushing open the door, I see 2 other blokes using urinals, at which point I back out, whilst turning my daughter around so she doesn’t get an eyeful.

In the US, there aren’t double doors to bathrooms, and the urinals were on the left as the door opened right. Everything was out in the open in there.

We wait our turn, and once it’s clear, we go in and lock the door. There are 3 urinals in a row, and one stall, and the room smells like, well, a urinal. It seems like men are just using it like the gents, and this is the result.

I think I’m overreacting, I’m stressed leading up to the US election, and feeling fractious from lockdown, but WTF, it was utterly disgusting. We both took showers and changed clothes as soon as we arrived, as I was sure our shoes and jeans were gross. I’m still livid. Is this our future??? No ladies room and putting up with this shit?

OP posts:
Whysrumgone · 03/11/2020 03:58

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ApolloandDaphne · 03/11/2020 04:02

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DancelikeEmmaGoldman · 03/11/2020 04:06

No. MisfitRightIn and her daughter changed their clothes because men peed on the floor and the seats. And probably the walls and the doors, if my experience putting myself through school as a cleaner, is any indication.

Porridgeoat · 03/11/2020 04:08

This is a rubbish set up for women and children. Walking past blokes with their genitals out is awful and could be very triggering. I couldn’t do it. I would also feel venerable. I also wouldn’t want to be in the men’s loo

Jenny70 · 03/11/2020 04:08

The problem is not that they are gender neutral, the problem is the urinals and layout offer no privacy for either gender. I've been to gender neutral toilets and each have separate toilet/basin, and sometimes urinal inside stall as well as toilet. Very odd that such new place doesn't offer privacy.

Porridgeoat · 03/11/2020 04:09

I’d feel unclean. Blokes loos are a state

katy1213 · 03/11/2020 04:12

You're right. It's gross. I make a written complaint every time I come across this; it won't change until women boycott Starbucks and the rest.

GlowingOrb · 03/11/2020 04:15

It’s not uncommon for their to be only one bathroom in a small shop, but it doesn’t need multiple urinals. It’s a single user facility. I would definitely complain.

HerRoyalNotness · 03/11/2020 04:25

That’s weird. Our Starbucks has 2 separate lockable toilets which anyone can use. Certainly no communal situation going on. Also in the US

Birdsong111 · 03/11/2020 04:28

That’s gross. I’m not surprised you’re annoyed.

FortunesFave · 03/11/2020 04:33

Starbucks has labelled all their toilets as gender neutral. You went into what was really the men's. There should have also been what was really a women's. If not, I would have strongly complained to staff.

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/11/2020 04:45

Given the sign on the door restricting use to one person or family unit I don’t think it was Starbuck’s intention to have you walking in on men using the urinal.

I’ve never seen this in a Starbucks on the West Coast, it’s always single room, accessible facilities for anyone. It sounds like, with Covid, they’ve tried to turn larger facilities into similar single rooms but the customers have not cooperated.

It’s a surprise to catch men peeing when you expect an empty loo but the washing clothes and having a shower sounds barmy.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 03/11/2020 04:55

That's not a gender-neutral toilet, that's the men's room with a sign on it.

TatianaBis · 03/11/2020 04:59

I’d put a complaint in writing. The more people who do this, the more businesses will be forced to see there is a problem.

AnyOldPrion · 03/11/2020 05:20

That's not a gender-neutral toilet, that's the men's room with a sign on it.•
This was my thought too. It’s a men’s toilet, that women are allowed to use on an occasionally basis.

I’d 100% be complaining and I’d be pointing out that it could just as easily have been your daughter walking in on men urinating.

Having a single toilet for both sexes is one thing. Putting urinals in there makes it something else entirely.

Original poster
MisfitRightIn · 03/11/2020 05:27

Thanks everyone. I’m going to put a complaint in writing to them, it really was a disgusting state with men just using it as their regular gents toilets. No other option but to use it; when my DD needs to go, she has to go.

It was quite a big room, probably 30’ x 20’ (sorry I can’t do metric anymore) and it definitely could have been planned better.

And yes, we did shower and change our clothes after our trip, and the next day I also rinsed down our shoe soles as they stank. Our shoes and jeans had been on a wee covered floor, the seat was equally vile that we used (I hovered but DD tried that but ended up sat on it, barf).

It really hasn’t been thought through properly, has it? I’m sure it wasn’t Starbucks intention to have it be used as the gents, but here we are. And I’m imagining parents with younger kids would struggle to keep kids from touching anything and everything in there. And as a PP mentioned, it could also be alarming to some women. I wasn’t triggered, just pissed off.

OP posts:
pictish · 03/11/2020 06:02

How do you have the time in your life to dedicate to this? Seriously.

I came across the same situation in KFC recently. The women’s toilets were closed with the men’s remaining open for general use. No it wasn’t the loveliest loo I’ve ever visited but I wasn’t livid about it.

blueangel19 · 03/11/2020 06:07

I do not know where you live but when I visited California quite a few places had gender neutral toilets. I waited until back to my hotel sometimes.

Unfortunate, the situation that we are facing is that to accommodate minorities demands the majority needs to suck it up. BS really.

Ihg27 · 03/11/2020 06:10

@MisfitRightIn

Thanks everyone. I’m going to put a complaint in writing to them, it really was a disgusting state with men just using it as their regular gents toilets. No other option but to use it; when my DD needs to go, she has to go.

It was quite a big room, probably 30’ x 20’ (sorry I can’t do metric anymore) and it definitely could have been planned better.

And yes, we did shower and change our clothes after our trip, and the next day I also rinsed down our shoe soles as they stank. Our shoes and jeans had been on a wee covered floor, the seat was equally vile that we used (I hovered but DD tried that but ended up sat on it, barf).

It really hasn’t been thought through properly, has it? I’m sure it wasn’t Starbucks intention to have it be used as the gents, but here we are. And I’m imagining parents with younger kids would struggle to keep kids from touching anything and everything in there. And as a PP mentioned, it could also be alarming to some women. I wasn’t triggered, just pissed off.

What you are imaging is what happens everytime a dad takes the kids to the toilet. It’s a non issue.

Guess you have never used a public toilet in Mexico City, Cambodia or the Sudan?

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 03/11/2020 06:17

I think it's disgusting.

That's not gender neutral, that's simply expecting women to enter the male loos and use them! No consideration at all for women.

I am not a fan of the individual cubicle arrangements with shared sinks for males and females, never mind this. I would have walked out but I understand you d9t always have that choice with a young child.

DeKraai · 03/11/2020 06:23

"Guess you have never used a public toilet in Mexico City, Cambodia or the Sudan?"

I spoke to a dr who worked in Sudan who said that there and in Cairo (where they'd also worked) women very often had irritated bladders (something like that) because they were so used to holding on for very long periods of time, so their bladders would be too full for too long too often.

So I guess women in your "developing countries" are actually the same as us.

BTW not a chance in hell that in some of those places there'd be "gender neutral" public toilets either.

MimiDaisy11 · 03/11/2020 06:26

The nearest Starbucks to me has only gender-neutral toilets but they're individual cubicles with sink inside them so there's no privacy issue. That's the only way to do gender-neutral toilets correctly. They're always clean as well which is good.

ChakaDakotaRegina · 03/11/2020 06:28

When your daughter is 13,14,15 she will get up from the table and use that space alone.
This set up is not ok! I think it’s worth a complaint.
I understand about the need to change clothes too and I’m definitely not a fussy person. I don’t want someone elses pee on me!

HartnellAvenue · 03/11/2020 06:30

You let your daughter sit on a piss covered seat rather than grab a handful of tissue and wipe it before she sat down? And... Why were your jeans touching the floor? No need to take them all the way down, surely?

You do realise the piss covered seat could have been caused by women hovering - not just men who have the potential to be a bit grubby

Quillink · 03/11/2020 06:33

That sounds disgusting.

So women's safety is dependent upon predatory men obeying a sign? Id never go back and would tell them why.